I just talked to Kathy!!

I am overwhelmed by mixed emotions right now. It was soooo good to talk to my friend, yet I'm sitting here in front of my computer with a lump in my throat.

The Vander Tuig's have arrived safely in California, and Kathy was busy setting up her kitchen while we chatted.

Turns out Kathy had heard about the blog already en route to her new home. Her computer is not hooked up yet, but I told her she'd better comment on it soon!

I admit that I have not had time to read more about the tabernacle. Gayle DeVries had an interesting blog entry last week. She is on vacation, but when she gets back, maybe she will post it here, and we can discuss what she wrote if she doesn't mind. Along those same lines, I realize that it is not so much the studies themselves that are important, it's the way the study causes me to think about and trust God...it is my heart that needs to change, not that more learning needs to enter my brain.

Take our study last year, Believing God, the way God used His Word, the study, shared experiences of others, and just changed my heart is amazing stuff. I wonder if this happens to you sometimes too, my own reaction to things often surprises me.

Here's an example. Last week, on the 15 year anniversary of my marriage to my husband, he unexpectedly stopped in while I worked. Awwww, I thought how cute, he stopped in to say hello. Nope. He had a funny look on his face. He had just talked to the owners of the rented house we live in, and they told him that one of their relatives wanted to rent the house. UGH. I hate moving...and to where...and how are we gonna...and...and...and....I felt my blood pressure rise, and I was down right annoyed that, on our anniversary, this was being dumped on me. I wanted to cry. I was a little snippy with my husband, I said fine we'll talk about it when I get home, and he left with his shoulders a little slumped feeling the sting of my reaction and knowing that his timing stunk. Oh, and did I mention that my husband's job stinks and he's in the process of finding a new one...ugh ugh ugh and ugh!

Well, I felt tears welling up...every failure of life weighed down on me as I thought things like, if I hadn't gotten pregnant before I was married, and had 2 kids when I met Ted, and then another 1 year later, and, if we hadn't started out with a family of 5, and if I'd stayed working at the bank instead of staying home with my kids, and if we'd bought a house by now, none of this would be happening, and we'd be out enjoying a nice anniversary dinner, but NO here we are...

I felt sorry for myself a few more minutes and then I didn't even have to ask for it, The Spirit got control of me somehow, thru all my self loathing and pity, and there it was a fresh feeling, brand new, completely opposite...amazing. Well, I can't change the past, I have a roof over my head tonight, I'm sure we'll figure something out b/c we always do, I'm going home to my husband, who loves me, even when I'm snotty, God sent him to me, God provides for me, He'll help us work this out, He loves me, He has forgiven the past, He accepts me as is, that is enough for me.

Peace and calm flow through my heart as I text my husband, because I know him enough to know that he is re-living every one of his failures just like I was... "When are we going to start trusting God to take care of us?" He texts back "now". We are okay.

I stopped at Hallmark on the way home from work and read every card in the anniversary section, none of them said the right thing. So, I opted for a dairy queen cake instead, Ted LOVES ice cream, they wrote I love you on it for me. I presented it to my darling husband when I got home and he smiled the warmest smile I've seen in a while.

God will give us what we need when we need it. I believe that with all my heart. Praise Him.