Dress codes

My kids attend Kankakee Valley High School. Last year a new assistant principal was hired, and the word on the street was that she was working on revising the dress code.

Big deal.

I can't count how many conversations I've endured about the upcoming crack down on dress code issues in SmartyPants. And NOPE...not from the kids themselves, it's the parents who are all bent out of shape. I'm so confused.

Parents are up in arms, and what I've concluded, after hearing a lot of talk on the issue, is that parents don't want ANYONE TELLING THEIR KID WHAT TO WEAR!! Why not?

On Fox news show this morning, they showed an email from "Eva" whose daughter is a cheerleader at KV High School. Eva is upset because her daughter was told she must wear pants under her cheerleading skirt to school today, b/c the skirt is too short, and doesn't fit in the dress code guidelines. Mom's last comment was something like: are you going to take away their freedom next?!

I am concerned. What example are we setting for our kids when we as parents go to battle over something as dumb as a dress code with the administration of our schools?

Living under some kind of authority is what we all have to do in life. The sooner a kid learns how to do that effectively, the easier their adult life will be. There IS a chain of command in every part of life, there are rules of the road, laws we need to obey, bosses we must show respect for, the whole rest of our lives we will be living under some type of authority.

At home, my daughter vents about school dress codes and rules, and I understand that mentality from an 18 year old. My daughter has choices, she can wear clothing that is deemed inappropriate by the controling body of the high school she attends, but then she will have to deal with the consequences of her actions as well. She can also choose not to be told what to wear, by becoming a high school drop out, get a job at mc donalds, live on minimum wage, drive a junker car, and struggle the rest of her life too. It's her choice. Enforcing a dress code isn't stripping the kids of their freedom. Kids have plenty of choices they can make, and there are plenty of repercussions for the choices they make.....isn't that always going to be a part of life?

I am so thankful for a few things, first of all, my husband and I were brought up in homes where, the rules were the rules, and yep my parents used, "because I said so"! That didn't stop me from being rebellious at times, and breaking the rules, but as a child, I learned that my parents had authority over me, and so did my teachers at school, and basically anyone considered an "elder" to me. Heaven forbid I was running around at church and a grown up told me to slow down. I was worried for a week that they would tell my folks, and I would get in trouble, they were my authority, and I was taught to respect that.

My husband's home was the same way, and he also spent some years in the US Air Force where chain of command is HUGE. The military teaches you to submit to authority, and you learn it whether you want to or not. Ted uses that in parenting, I've often heard him tell our kids over the years, "that wasn't a question" when they started to protest after being told to do something.

I know that the biggest part of learning to live under authority comes from being raised by believers. We were taught early on about the ten commandments, and what that meant. Even when we didn't understand why, we were taught that The Bible was the last word. God was the boss, if it says so in his word, nothing else really mattered, especially not our own desires.

I'm sad that so many parents (and some from believing homes too) are teaching their kids by example that we don't live under anyone's authority. Parents are "fixing" everything in their kid's lives. I can't imagine becoming a teacher in these times where parents are coming out swinging everytime their child doesn't get what they want.

How does that prepare kids for the "real world" where they will have a boss someday who will probably be telling them what to do on a daily basis?

Well, I've digressed off the dress code issue, but I really think this is a snapshot of a disturbing bigger picture.

Thank you Father, for providing me with parents and elders who taught me how to live under your authority.

"Lord open my mind that I might have understanding."

I just watched the introduction video for "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place" this morning. The first time I watched it the house was alive and distracting, I woke up at 5 and couldn't get back to sleep, a quiet house, with no chance of anyone bothering me for at least 2 hours, the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with God.

In the viewer guide it says,

"May these words become our constant plea throughout the next 10 weeks: Lord, open my mind that I might have understanding."

The study is described as a puzzle, where we will find the pieces by reading all over the scriptures, to get the full picture and we will discover that the picture is Jesus. I didn't catch the origin of the quote, but it is that when we see Jesus, we will either hide our faces, or shamlessly adore Him.

I am so excited for this study, to learn how to put all the pieces together and to worship in the presence of God.

This study appears to have A LOT of homework. It is backwards from the studies we've done previously. We watch an introductory video on week one, followed by 5 days of homework, we then watch the video that wraps up the 5 days of homework.

Begin to pray that God will free up the time you need to complete the work. In the introductory session we will learn that God has pursued each of us to join this particular Bible study. He has a purpose for this study at this moment in our lives, and He will give us what we need to see what He is showing us, so let's start asking Him for that.

"Lord, open our minds that we might have understanding."

The second generation

This has absolutely nothing to do with WIW so feel free to tune out.

On Sunday we went as a family to the beach. It's something we all love to do, and it has been a rare moment this summer for all of us to be in the same place, at the same time. The weather; 85 degrees and sunny with no humidity and not a cloud in the sky...what a beautiful day!

We had heard that the beach by Beverly Shores (East of Chesterton) was nice, so we decided to try it out. We found the public access, but the parking lot said "parking by permit only" so Ted dropped us, and all our gear off at the public access, and parked about 1 1/2 miles away in a public lot and walked down the beach to find us.

The beach was fantastic, not too many people, no lifeguards, therefore no constant whistle blowing, and a nice clean bathroom. woo hoo.

We arrived early and there weren't many people for a while. Around noon, an older gentleman came and set up his gear next to us. He was friendly, asking us where we were from, and where Ted worked etc. He is a developer in Chicago, but owns (I bet one of the big ones) a house in Beverly Shores, so they spend the weekends in summertime on the beach. He continued to start several conversations with us, and even got my normally quiet husband to chat with him about different projects and locations downtown. We enjoyed his company, and he seemed to enjoy ours.

As new people arrived to the beach, he greeted folks with a wave, and started conversations with various people, and even introduced us to some other Beverly Shores dwellers. He is a nice guy all the way around.

Later in the afternoon, his children joined him on the beach. Within moments of this group's arrival on the beach, the tone of the entire day changed. Dad remained his friendly self, but the kids (probably in their 40s) were different.

The girls of the group, 3 women, most likely daghters and daughters-in-law, spent the afternoon making mean comments about everyone who passed by on the beach. "Look at that guy's orange shorts!" cackle cackle cackle "Nice outfit for the beach!" "Did you see her bathing suit?" smirk smirk smirk.

YUCK!! I wanted to move so I didn't have to listen to them, but the dad continued to chat with us, it was so awkward.

At one point, after multiple comment were made about a girl's choice of bathing suit, my always sweet, never one for confrontation, daughter Ashley said, loud enough to be heard, "Is there like some unwritten dress code for this beach or what?!" (okay that particular girl was wearing a bikini that looked like it was made out of a tissue, but still, to each her own, right?)

Have you ever watched a guy work his fingers to the bone, 100 hour work weeks, sacrificing everything to build a little empire for his family, only to hand it down to the children, for them to run straight into the ground. If I were a betting girl, I'd put my money on it that's what will happen to our beach friend some day.

Here's a regular Joe, friendly, obviously a stellar salesman, he's got the gift of gab, and takes a real interest into what a person is saying. Good with names, and obviously, as evidenced by the large home on Beverly Shores in which his famliy spends the weekends in the summer, he's good at what he does. He works, and uses his gifts and talents to get a good thing going, but his kids sure don't seem to be following in his footsteps.

They roll their eyes as the "old man" of the family makes conversation with us lowly folk. They look down their nose and critisize strangers for how they are dressed. They jump back into their BMW SUVs and head back for the suburbs where they probably act the same way.

All the while, it's dad's house they spend the weekend in. It's his hardwork and blood, sweat and tears that bought that house, clearly they don't appreciate him.

So...I was thinking...it's the same with me sometimes. God sacrifices his SON for me, and I take it so for granted. Who am I to get cranky when things don't go my way? Hasn't he done enough for me to be satisfied? I didn't even have to work for it, he handed me grace and a life everlasting, and what do I do?? Complain, critisize, whine if things don't go my way, get crabby, act like an infant.

On the beach I thought to myself, "I would NEVER act that way" but I do it too. I forget to be grateful, I'm not always humble, I don't appreciate what God has done for me. I am those ungrateful kids who don't remember that their dad worked his fingers to the bone to give them a nice life.

In the midst of moving, bringing kids to college, working, and all the rest, I will remember to be grateful to the one who gives me life. Thanks for the reminder! to our new friends from the beach.

updates

Okay, I've finally faced the truth, summer is almost over. So, I've made some decisions and started to figure out a schedule for WIW.

We will have an evening session of WIW! Tuesday is the best night for the majority, I apologize that it doesn't work out for everyone. Tuesday September 16 from 7-8:30 PM will be our first meeting, and we will jump right in and watch a video. Child care will not be offered at the evening session, and to keep it simple, I ask that you bring your own coffee etc to drink. We will be meeting in the lobby by the library.

Wednesday morning session will begin September 17, 9:00-10:30 AM upstairs in the fellowship hall. We will also jump right in and watch a video the first week, so you won't want to miss it! I have decided to skip the brunch before Bible study, although it was very enjoyable, I'm sure I'm not the only one with a busy schedule, and this will take some of the pressure off of us. Coffee and tea will be provided. We will still have brunch on special occassions, so if you loved preparing food for your friends, you'll still get the chance!

So that is it for now, as I said, I'm working on a schedule, but will have one ready for when we meet in September.

Pray that God will bring women who need this study to the group, and also that He will guide all the decisions we make. Thanks!

Faith

After the message this morning in church about plain old faith vs saving faith, I am tempted to question my faith. When Pastor used phrases like "having a fire for knowing Christ", I got to thinking....wow I don't really feel on fire right now. And when he talked about good trees bearing good fruit, hmmmm have I born any fruit at all lately?

For me, I guess, it will always be a battle. There are times when God is so fresh and new and huge in my life, that yes, I would say I have a fire for knowing Christ, but then there are those times where the fire doesn't go out, but it's not exactly burning, ya know?

In my case I blame it on "the world". I'm embarrased to admit this, but I recieve and send over 200 text messages nearly every day....I know, ridiculous! On top of that my cell phone rings probably 25 times a day, don't get me started on the phone at the store, and the fact that everyone wants my attention there. I probably check my email 20 times a day, and respond to at least 10 emails per day. I am out of control. Someone or something is pulling at me every waking moment. And then I wonder why my relationship with God seems a little dimmer at certain times....uhh.....hello?!

When I would stop in at Pastor Bryan's office I was often a little jealous that he would be sitting at his desk reading his Bible. I was thinking.....dude, you get paid for this?! Now I know Bryan did a million other things and I"m sure he felt the same pull on certain days that we all do. He once told me that Tuesday was his favorite day b/c he was the only one in the office and he spent a lot of God time on Tuesdays, and didn't it show in his life and in his preaching? That he made his relationship with God a priority? I so admire that.

I said early I am tempted to question my faith. You see I love to think that my faith is all about me. I start a little pep talk in my head, come on Cath...HAVE MORE FAITH!!! I start to think I'm not good enough because my fire is dim.

So today I came home, and Ted and I started discussing the sermon and the Bible passage, and God, and there it was that fire. It wasn't gone, it was right there. And we discussed the way God has worked and continues to work in our lives. And in the end my husband said that what it always boils down to for him is "less of me, more of you God".

So I shut off my phone (yep I really did it, it was hard too, what if someone needs me?!) and I dusted off my Bible, and now I decided to blog because I'm not done thinking and talking about God yet. And it feels great, and it's what I want to do.

So I start my mission of making my God time a #1 priority. I'm always praying to God, you guys know I talk a lot and I think 100 times faster than I talk, and all day long we have little conversations in my head, so I do feel close to God, but I need his Word in my life. I need to study his character, and read His stories to feel on fire.

So let's start the fire, shall we? We have women signed up for the night session of WIW, so now you will have the option of Wednesday morning or a night. The church is being used by the Hispanic church on Tuesday nights, we could still probably find a spot in the church, or maybe I could twist someone's arm who has a home big enough to host the group. I'll be calling everyone on that list this week to find out if Tuesday is the best night, Monday might also be an option.

Please be in prayer for the childcare aspect of this ministry. I might have a volunteer to coordinate that, but finding volunteers was often a challenge for Kathy. Pray that God sends just the right person our way to take charge and do a great job.

Thank you for all your support. I picked up the materials today and couldn't even wait, I opened the book in the car and started reading! At the same time, I'm a wee bit nervous. I just told you about my crazy life, and now I add more responsibility. When you guys make nice comments about this blog, or offer help and encourage me, it makes all the difference. Thank you so much!

So, are you guys in??

My friend and mentor Kate Holmes from Florida recently took the "52 item challenge"

Check it out:

http://howtoconsign.com/journal52things.htm

I double dare you to take the challenge yourself and let us know how it went.

I keep thinking I need to do it, but I'm quite sure it will be more like 520 items that, if they disappeared I would never even miss. It's shameful really, how I always think I need more "stuff" when clearly I don't.

Well be sure to post up if you are brave enough to take the challenge and de clutter your life!

Kathy chimed in...

Under the woo hoo post! Good to hear from you Kathy, and I'll be calling you soon for advice I'm sure! Love ya!

Pray for the mom too...

In my crankiness it didn't dawn on me to pray that God would heal the mom from whatever makes her so unhappy. Obviously something went wrong in her life to make her bitter, but God can change any heart, no matter how damaged. I promise to be nice to her if she comes back into my shop, I probably blew it today with my bad attitude...Lord, give me the strength, and another chance to love even the unlovable...

And we wonder why...

So today I'm enjoying the company of three girls in SmartyPants...they are teens and tweens. We're chatting and laughing, they are picking out back to school clothes, and asking my opinion. A lovely time is being had by all, and I think wow these are really nice girls!

Mom enters, and the mood changes. She snaps at them saying things like (I'm not making this up!) "that is never going to fit over your big butt" "you are going to look like a cow in that" " I ain't letting you dress like no slut" on and on and on and on with the cut downs.

You can cut the tension in the room with a knife, the girls all stiffen up and their smiles are gone. One girl just stops talking, stops looking at clothes and sits on the couch with her shoulders slouched. She gets yelled at for not shopping, yet everything she touches mom critques, vetos, complains or ridicules her over.

The most out-going of the three starts acting like a 2 year old...no kidding...she starts to fake cry when the mom tells her things don't fit or look good on her. She stomps her foot hands on hips, raises her voice.

Mom looks to me for sympathy. I hope what I'm thinking is not showing on my face, but I'd guess it was. "These da*# kids" she says. I bite my lip so that I don't tell her that they were fine before she walked in.

And then we wonder why girls suffer from eating disorders, and why so many teens consider suicide. We shake our heads in dismay at the way kids treat eachother with name-calling and bullying.

I can't control the mom's actions, and I know that everyone has a bad day. But, in my store it's a rule, always has been, that we must not talk badly about ourselves. When a kid starts to say that she hates her legs, or she's too short, or that she looks terrible in this or that, I've always chimed in that we shouldn't be mean to ourselves. (That's something I'm very comfortable with, beating myself up, so I know how it feels)

After today, I am on a mission to be extra nice to kids. I see tons of them every week, and I never know what is going on in their lives, mine might be the only smile they see.

So I challenge anyone reading this today to find a kid and just smile at them, say hi, say something positive, like good job or I like your hair.

Father in heaven, use us to love those kids who get no loving at home. Protect them from evil, hold them in your loving arms.