2008

Many of you are out there reading this and have never posted a comment, today is the time to join in, I expect at least 10 comments! :-)

So, 2008 was not without some challenges, but why dwell on the negative?!

Post up at least one way God has blessed you in '08 and please be specific. Let's honor God for the amazing way he blesses us, especially during times of trial and tribulation.

Finished my homework!

I finished up day 5 this morning. Something really cool is happening here. There is so much symbolism in the Bible that was completely lost on me until now.

This morning the question was how many loaves of bread were placed on the table in the tabernacle? 12....aha my brain thought 12 for the 12 tribes! And bread, The Bread of Life, brings me back to manna and God's daily provision for the Israelites. So much to think about, so rich in meaning, I love the quiet time spent in God's Word...best part of the day by far! There is so much more than what meets the eye when one simply reads the words on the page! I don't know how I've lived so long without this in my life.

I'm sad that it has taken me nearly 40 years to get serious about studying the Bible, I am eternally grateful to Kathy Vander Tuig for asking me to join her in facilitating a Beth Moore study. Reading God's word and gaining a fuller UNDERSTANDING of what I am reading is changing my life.

I am grateful that Beth Moore does all the work of showing us correlations between passages, but more than that, I am thankful that she reminds us each day to ask God to give us understanding of what we are reading. Without that moment of quieting down and asking God to be with us, it's just another fill in the blank session, more knowledge is good, but God is after our hearts.

When I taught Sunday School years ago, it always amused me that when the kids didn't know the answer to a question, they always went with "Jesus" as the answer. Those kids were on to something...the more I study the Old Testament stories, they all point to Jesus.

It truly is all about Jesus.

Sunday visitor

Yesterday (Sunday) our family had dinner at my dad and mom's house. Isn't it so wonderful when you don't have to rush in the house and cook right after church? Christmas dinner was at my house, so it was a relief not to have to do it all over again.

After dinner we played boggle, Ashley beat us all, that little stinker, she seems to find every single word the rest of us come up with and then a few more obscure ones that we missed.

Shortly after our game ended the doorbell rang, and my dad's friend Fidel had stopped by to drop off tamales, and to wish my parents a "Happy Christmas".

Fidel's smile is a mile wide. My dad met him a few years ago when both he and my husband, Ted, worked loading milk trucks at the dairy farm. Fidel was a manager at one of the barns. My husband Ted (both my father and my husband are named Ted so I'm trying to keep it clear for ya!) hadn't seen Fidel in a long time, and both of their faces lit up and Fidel threw his arms around husband Ted and gave him a big squeeze.

Fidel's english is not so great but he tries hard to communicate and we all just laugh when both of my parents talk LOUDER and SLOWER thinking he might magically start understanding their language if they speak to him as if he were a first grader.

Yesterday we learned to say "babies" when asking him about his kids, even though several of them are grown with their own kids. "Babies" is the word that Fidel knows to describe children. Fidel has 10 babies!!! Wow. He then told us that his brother in Mexico has 16 babies, then he grinned and quietly leaned over and said to my dad, "no too much working in Mexico eh?" Too much free time, means too many babies I guess.

He didn't stay long, but it was a warm and loving exchange and it left us all with grins on our faces. On the way home I remembered a conversation I had with one of my children's classmates not too long ago. The topic of our discussion was racism.

The classmate communicated that he didn't like the Mexicans because they didn't learn to speak english. He reasoned that his grandparents had to learn to speak english when they moved to the United States from Holland, and that the Mexican people should do the same. The boy didn't want to hear any spanish spoken around him, after all this is America for crying out loud!

I wished we had invited that classmate over to my parents house so that he could have met Fidel. I'd guess in 10 minutes, Fidel might have been able to break thru the barriers that exist in the mind of the boy of Dutch heritage.

I have butterflies in my stomach as I type this and wonder if I'll even have the guts to post it. Racism is always such a touchy subject, I tend to avoid the topic as much as possible. But staying quiet does nothing to improve the situation, and I'm not really the type to stay quiet, so here it goes.

As a teenager I was beating a drum pretty loudly to exclaim that I was not a racist, God had created all people to be equal! Easy for me to say since I lived in a bubble, and honestly had never even met someone of a different race, except the kids in my school who were from Korea, that had been adopted by a family in the area. In fact I hardly knew anyone who was a different nationality from me. It was pretty easy for me to claim that I was not a racist when I lived amongst only one race.

And then I joined the bigger world, and I quickly realized that it is a challenge to understand the ways of different cultures and races. Not everyone was like me, or thought like me, or even spoke like me...what an eye opener! Yes, I had racism in me...it was hard to adjust to living with people who were different than I was.

So here I am back in DeMotte again, and a lot has changed! Not all the kids attending the Christian school are "vans" or "stras" isn't that great?! For years my daughter was the only Carmen and now there are dark haired Carmen's all over! Our town what I liked to call "the bubble" is changing, and for the better in my opinion.

I could weep to tell you all how proud I am of my parents. My dad quickly began to reach out to the Hipsanic guys at the dairy farms. He immediately saw his job as an opportunity to shine God's light to people who don't know Him. The first Christmas the dairies were open my dad bought fruit with his own money, and ordered religious tracts in spanish from the Bible League. He bagged an apple, an orange, and a pamphlet into brown paper bags, and went out to the dairy farms during all three shifts to deliver them to every single worker. He shook hands and shouted "Amigo" -friend (the one word of Spanish my dad knows) to each guy and said Merry Christmas, God Bless you with a firm handshake and a pat on the back. He loved them, and they loved him back.

As the number of dairy barns grew, my dad had to enlist the help of others just to get that fruit delivered the week of Christmas, but every single year he got the job done, thru rain, sleet, and snow, early morning to middle of the night he drove his little pick up over the bumpy roads, and delivered that fruit.

This year he had lots of help because "Agua Viva" a Hispanic outreach church has formed, and the pastor, members of the church and also members of the committee that helped to start the church got on board and bagged and delivered the fruit to the guys working in the barns. How fun!

Our kids used to ask us, "why does Grandpa buy all that fruit and give it away?!" Honestly sometimes we wonder too, what drives dad to give of himself so freely when he really doesn't have all that much of his own? It is because he has the heart of Jesus, and he will reap his rewards in heaven. No, my dad is by no means perfect, he'll be the first one to tell you that, but we could all learn how to love one another more through his example of selflessness.

Father change the hearts that need changing. Erase racial divisions between us. Teach us to love the way you love. Help us to see opportunities to shed your light in the darkness. Thank you for Fidel, and for his laughter and his kindness, thank you for my dad who cares about other people more than he does about himself. Thank you for Agua Viva and empower everyone involved to reach those who do not yet know about you. You desire that we all live in your light...all of us...no matter the color of our skin or the language that we speak, use us to accomplish that in Your Name.

Under His wings

Something made me get out of bed at 4:30 this morning...probably the knowledge that my poor hubby was heading out to face the below zero temps for the day. He spends about half his day inside the heated cab of a semi truck, but with 4 loads today, he will spend 8 hours outside loading/unloading....brrrrrr. I COULD NEVER do his job, I am so thankful that he works so hard to provide for us.

Anyway, so there I was at 4:30 am about to turn on the tv and settle in by the pre lit tree (which is re-lit now) with a cup of minty tea when something made me dig out my Beth Moore study book. All I can say to anyone participating in the study is get it out and do day one today....don't argue about how many presents you have to wrap or cookies you have to bake, just get it out and do it.

If you are going to do day 1 soon, stop reading now. On week 5, after much "laying of the groundwork" which Beth Moore so loves to do, we go beyond the curtain to the sanctuary. We've studied every detail, the materials used to build the tabernacle and the rules the builders had to follow. Finally, we get inside, it will be worth the wait!

I hate to tell you ladies but we have to draw the tabernacle again. I almost had to wake my kids up to help me figure the dimensions. There are all sorts of equations in the margin of my book while I tried to remember how to multiply fractions and stuff. Finally, I got it on my own wooo hoooo!

We learn about the curtains of the tabernacle and how the materials they are made with represent sacrifice and royalty. The top covering of the tabernacle is woven of fine linen, with the colors; blue, scarlet and purple. Exodus 26:1 then tells that cherubim was also woven into the fine linen for the ceiling in part to symbolize the heavenly hosts that surround the throne of God.

We then read from the Psalms, verses that talk about God hiding us in the shadow of his wings.

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge" Ps 91:4

As I read a friend's blog this morning about her struggles with health issues, and as I watch the homeless gather in warming centers to beat the sub zero temps on the news this morning, and as I think about a couple I know who struggle with drug addiction and had their baby taken away by social services last week, I praise God that I live under the feathers of his wings. I praise Him for protecting me and my family, and for providing for us. The knowledge that he loves us enough to save us through the sacrifice of his own son blows me away.

Our study for day one ends with:

"Learn to experience the warmth and protection of life beneath the wings of the almighty."

I haven't been spending much time lately under God's wings, reading and studying his word. When I stray away from Him, I start back on the path of thinking that I have to do everything myself. Why am I like that? I sometimes think I need to not only be a superhero for my family, but that somehow I think I should be able to save the world too. Today, I will bask in the knowledge that God has my back. I am covered and protected, I am safe and provided for, the hairs on my head are numbered, God cares for me. Praise Him!

Guess what I found at Wal Mart?!

Let's just say Wal Mart is not my favorite shopping destination. Low prices, yes. Relaxing, inviting shopping experience, ummm no. Sam Walton's heirs get way too many of my hard earned dollars as it is, but Christmas baking season is upon us, and that can only mean one thing...a Wal Mart run.

So, I cruised the parking lot looking for an empty space, found one, pulled in, stepped my foot into an ankle deep ice and slush puddle, soaking my shoe, sock, and the bottom of my jeans. The shopping trip was off to a great start.

Crummy attitude in place, I headed to the entrance, and was greeted by a grown woman in a full Santa suit, ringing the Salvation Army bell, dancing around, and singing, laughing, and yelling Merry Christmas to each shopper as they passed by. You can not pass by this woman without a smile spreading across your face! I laughed out loud and she threw her arm around me and said "Merry Christmas Honey" in my ear. Tears sprung to my eyes...where does this volunteer bell ringer, in the freezing cold, get such joy?!

As I pushed my cart thru the produce section, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I'd guess her life isn't all that great, but she's just decided to make the best of it. God Bless her!

The buzz of my "santa" encounter was quickly fading as I manuevered thru the masses of people doing their shopping. Then I saw a little old lady pushing her husband in a wheel chair. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and wondered how that little woman came up with the strength to push that chair around big ole Wal Mart.

I smiled at her, and as she passed me she asked, "hey do you like my shoes?!" I looked down and she was wearing crocs-those rubber shoes everyone says are so comfortable...one green one and one red one. I laughed again, and told her I loved them. Another human, despite her hardship, passing joy onto a complete stranger. Hmmm

What I did not find at Wal Mart was Chex cereal for the Chex mix I needed to make, what I did find, most unexpectedly, was Christmas Joy, right there in Wal Mart.

Yes, the economy is in the toilet, Chicago politics are corrupt, and there is another big snow storm on it's way to the area, but in a week we celebrate the birth of our Savior! I'm gonna try my best to spread some Christmas joy. I don't plan to dance aound the entrance at Wal Mart, or wear 2 different colored crocs, but I will be thankful, I will smile, I will whistle a merry tune, and I will go out of my way to spread joy. Wanna join me?

By the way I did find Chex cereal at Tysen's for only $1 more per box than Wal Mart, you gotta try the recipe on the back of the chocolate chex cereal box, it's delicious and easy:

Click here for the recipe and more yummy snack recipes: http://www.chex.com/Recipes/RecipeView.aspx?RecipeId=44440&CategoryId=342

P.S. Aldi in Crown Point has milk on sale for $1.99 and wheat bread for $.25. Saving money gives me joy!

Is it our responsibility to be nice?

When we moved into our new residence, we were so pleased to learn that the other side of the duplex we rent is occupied by a pastor and his wife. The day we moved in Ted approached the neighbor guy with his hand out for a cordial handshake. I heard Ted trying his best to chat and introduce our family, but the Pastor looked a little scared, and the conversation only lasted a minute.

Ted said to me, "and you say I'm anti-social??!!" I thought it was a little strange for a pastor, but maybe I'm just used to friendly, outgoing types, and it takes all kinds, I figured we'd get to know them better, and they would see we aren't scary.

Not so. We try to wave and smile when we see the pastor outside, and he honestly won't wave back. Maybe we've offended them somehow? We are kind of a loud and jovial family. We encourage our kids to respect the time of day, with no loud music or TV after 10 pm. And in our defense, I wake up every night when their baby cries. Big shock, Ted can sleep right thru it, but as soon as that baby starts to cry, I'm wide awake...certainly it's a "mom thing".

Even if we were offensive I expect different behavior from a pastor. Can you just imagine the non believer thinking "hypocrite"? If we are Christians, there is a certain level of friendly and cordail behavior expected, right? Love one another being so important and all that?!

So yesterday as I turned on the icy road into my subdivision, I apparently took too long turning the corner, because a big SUV came flying around me nearly clipping the side of my vehicle, honking, and making a rude hand gesture to me. Obviously the teen driving didn't recongnize me from church. Oh well.

Last night at my house I had a little chat with my teen daughter about the example she MUST set on the road. I think she's a pretty decent driver, and she's a laid back kid, so I don't see her as a road rager, but I'd guess she's not above honking at someone annoying. I was telling her that her behavior is on display because she goes to church and calls herself a Christian. I asked her to be mindful of that, so she not set a crummy example for other kids, to do her best not to get that "hypocrite" label.

And the same goes for me in my business. There are some people who must make it a goal to ruin another's day. They come in looking for a fight. What is my response? How do I need to behave as a believer, at times I want to stoop right to their level of crabby-ness but as God changes my heart into a servant of his, the urges to be snotty are fewer and far between. It is less of a struggle to simply shake my head after they leave instead of engaging in an argument. Praise Him!

And even more so, I quickly realize that the offender is probably in need of prayer over something gone wrong in their life. Compassion has taken the place of irritation more and more lately. This journey that God is taking me on amazes me, and I am so thankful for God's presence in my life. Without Him in my heart, I can easily be just as miserable as the rest of the world.

Christmas Potluck Pictures!!

Christmas Potluck

Rosa promises pictures soon!

What a lovely evening of enjoying eachother's company and relaxing. Thank you to everyone who to0k time out of their busy schedules to attend!

I appreciate all of you who encourage me, show your support, volunteer to help out...you mean the world to me, don't know what I'd do without you...you know who you are! Love you all!

xoCathy

Oh Happy Day!

Wow, Singing with Larnell Harris was FUN!!

A choir was put together to sing back up for him at Community Church Saturday night. I thought it sounded fun to be in a choir, so I signed up, a few minutes into the first rehearsal I was wondering "what I was thinking??!!!" It's probably been 20 years since I sang with a choir.

Now that we sing primarily praise music, and with words only on the screen, as opposed to following a musical score, I realized pretty quickly that I have become an extremely lazy singer. Half notes are two beats???....oh yes, it started coming back to me, but very slowly!!

Then I got a cold about 3 weeks ago, and almost emailed Kyle to tell him I had to quit the choir, but instead I went and squeaked thru it with deaf ears and a scratchy throat. And that cold never did go away, so even on the afternoon of the concert I debated about staying home...I'm so glad I didn't give in to my stuffy head and constant tickle in my throat! At one point on stage I almost died of coughing and eye watering, but I said a little prayer, "God can I just please finish this concert?" and he answered with a yes, the tickle subsided.

When Larnell showed up it became pretty apparent that he is "all business" I imagine after one does so many concerts over many years, it becomes mundane, and more of a "job" as opposed to an exciting moment like it was for us. I felt like he was being less than gracious to our poor VOLUNTEER sound guy, and he wasn't overly friendly with us in the choir rehearsal either.

We have a few friends who are "front man" in bands, and I notice that there is a particular quality about a front man....a little bit cocky, they don't like it when the other guitar player's amp is turned up louder than their mic, and in general, they seem a little demanding. Outside of their band life, they are normal folks, but once they get on stage...it's all about them. I think it's part of what makes them successful leaders, that and a desire to have people like them.

Once the lights went down and Larnell got on stage, a different side of him seemed to emerge, and an engaging and sincere Larnell wooed the crowd with his velvety voice. From the smiles of pure joy on the faces of the audience members, I think he connects very well. At one point during the concert when the piano player was jamming out Larnell looked at the choir and seemed to roll his eyes with a sly smile as if to say yeah yeah yeah to Simeon and his show boating. I thought it was cute.

We had rehearsed some songs, but it was really fun when Simeon would look at our choir and mouth that we should sing back up, on songs like "His Name is King Jesus" and "Oh Happy Day". At many different times Larnell interacted with the crowd, he sang, "if you love him say I" to which the crowd bellowed "I"!

A big part of the fun for me was watching the crowd. They did a lot of standing up and clapping. There were some kids in the front row dancing around, and there were some more reserved folks who don't clap, but the looks on everyone's face was priceless, they looked as if they were having a blast!

At the end of the concert there were lots of cheers and hoots and hollers for Larnell. At that point he led us in acepella "O Come Let Us Adore Him" and as we sang the beloved tune Larnell and Simeon snuck out the side door. As if to say, thanks for clapping but let's give the glory to whom it belongs. I found it very moving, and that moment I realized that Larnell may very well be doing a "job" but his heart is in the right place.

On Sunday morning many people were still glowing from the concert, so it wasn't just I who felt the spirit moving in the room. In my Sunday school class I made the comment that during the concert I felt as if I were to have died right then and there, I wouldn't have cared. And my dear friend Carol Zandstra put it so much better, she said "it give you just a little glimpse of what heaven will be like with angels singing and dancing before the Lord." Amen

Family

I get to meet a lot of different people at my shop, and I've learned that I often take my safe and secure Christian home for granted.

I was chatting with a shopper the other day, and when the door opened, her jaw dropped and her eyes widened as she saw who was walking in the door....she gasped, "my sister!!"

Strange, I just say hi when I run into my sister, but this wasn't the case with these two. They hadn't spoken for MONTHS. You could cut the tension with a knife. I pretended to get busy straightening clothes, and then I heard the 2 year old daughter of one of the sisters yell, "AUNTIE Stephy!" and that little girl just ran full blast to her auntie who stretched out her arms and picked up that little girl and just planted kiss after kiss on her little cheeks. I thought I would bust trying not to clap and say wooo hooo!

The sisters gave eachther a sideways glance, and finally one asked the other "what did you do for Thanksgiving?" The shop is small and there was nowhere for me to hide as the floodgates broke, and one apologized and the other admitted it was a dumb thing to be mad about in the first place. The two stood for an hour and talked about their parents and step parents.

These lovely sisters come from a broken and just plain messed up home, where insults are hurled and fists thrown over Thanksgiving dinner. The tale unfolded between the two of them, how their step mother mis treats them, and their dad always takes her side. Brother in laws hate eachother, and refuse to be under the same roof together, it's just a big ole mess!

As one sister walked out the door she said, "I'll call ya" to the other. As the door shut, the sister still in the store mumbled, "yeah right".

It's so sad to witness broken families in action. As the little 2 year old girl waved bye bye to me as she left the shop I fast forwarded in my mind 20 years, and wondered, what would her relationship with her auntie be like by then, or maybe she wouldn't even be on good terms with her own mom. Devastating.

As my kids grow up, and date I have learned to bite my tongue....both of my girls are technically at an age where their boyfriends could become in-laws, and I don't want to say anything that would hurt my relationship with my daughters should that guy become their husband some day.

So who in your family could you apologize to?....send a note, give them a call, even an email might be enough to break the ice. God forgives us and He commands us to forgive others, isn't that hard to do especially when a family member has hurt you?

Almighty God, even before I was born, you selected a family for me, and I thank you for choosing a family that believes in you. Preserve our families Lord, help us to love one another, and where forgiveness or repentance is neccesarry, change our hearts and fill us with your love so that we may love others as you love us.

Belated Thanksgiving Thoughts...worth sharing

My buddy Elaine sent this to me via emai, thought I would share it with you.

THOUGHTS FOR YOUR THANKSGIVING TABLE

"Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality." -- Alfred Painter

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'Thank you,' that would suffice."-- Eckhart von Hochheim, German theologian, philosopher (1260-1328)

"The unthankful heart...discovers no mercies, but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!"-- Henry Ward Beecher, clergyman, social reformer (1813-1887)

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say, 'Thank you'?"-- William A. Ward, writer (1921-1994)

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone."-- GB Stern, British author (1890-1973)

"The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you."-- John E. Southard

"Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: It must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all."-- William Faulkner, author (1897-1962)

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."-- Albert Schweitzer, Alsatian theologian, physician (1875-1965)

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."-- William A. Ward

"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily."-- Gerald Good

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."-- John F. Kennedy, 35th President (1917-1963)

"I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than have things I cannot appreciate."-- Elbert Hubbard, writer, philosopher (1856-1915)

"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel."-- Anonymous

The wonder of it all...

Last night at choir practice for the Larnell Harris concert which will take place this week at CCRC, our director of worship and arts led us in devotions, and he talked about spiritual warfare during the Christmas season. He wondered, why is it so hard for us as Christians to enjoy the true meaning of Christmas? He commented that isn't that smart of satan to attack us in this way and to strip us of our joy over the birth of our Savior?!

The passage read was one we all hear a dozen times through the Christmas season, how the wisemen were filled with wonder over the Christ child's birth. YES, the excitement started to grow in my heart!

Even on the recording of Larnell Harris, as he sings "the wonder of it all, oh the wonder of it all, just to think that God loves me...." You can hear the heart behind the words of the song, and it started to seep into my soul a little more deeply. And as we sang our Christmas songs, there it was feeling in my heart behind the words that were coming out of my mouth.

Then on the way home from practice, Shine 89.7 is playing all Christmas music, and I was a little cranky about that in the beginning, but as I left the church parking lot, "Oh Holy Night" came on the radio and I couldn't help but blare it, and the reality of the birth of my savior took over every bit of me, and I just blared that radio and sang at the top of my lungs in praise to my God who loved me enough to send His Son to walk among men and then die!

And I know it's an old concept, but it really sunk in with me, that the moment Jesus was born, I was given the opportunity to become something I NEVER could on my own strength....Wow, that is truly amazing and I am filled with the wonder of it all!

I pray for each of you to be filled with wonder at our amazing, unselfish God as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our Lord. Maybe if we each take just a second to really remember what Jesus' Birthday means to each of us, all the hustle and bustle of the season won't succeed in stripping away our joy!

Lord in heaven there are not words to use that can describe my joy today. You are a most incredible, amazing Father, and I thank you for the gift of your beloved Son. Praise you Oh Lord!

Reminder!

Despite what the original schedule you were given says, there is NO WIW Dec. 2, or Dec. 3.

Would you please remind anyone you think might not know about the schedule change? Thank you!

Don't forget Dec 9 is our potluck supper to celebrate Christmas!

Pre-lit Christmas

Every year around the Christmas holiday I get a little mushy thinking about my husband. We met just before Christmas 17 years ago....wow it seems like it was yesterday!

I was a single momma working 2 jobs when I met Ted. If our memory serves us correctly, we met Dec 17, and when Ted proposed on New Year's Eve, I said yes....can you believe that?!

With 2 little girls at home, missing their mom as it was, we didn't go out on many dates, Ted just started to hang out with us; helping me cook, reading stories to the girls, playing barbies etc. Some of my fondest memories of the beginning of our relationship are sitting in my living room in my dinky apartment with the Christmas tree lights flashing talking, talking and talking some more.

I love Christmas and I love live Christmas trees. The first year Ted and I were married, I did what I had always done, borrowed my dad's truck, went to the Christmas tree farm with the girls and picked out the fullest tree we could find.

When Ted got home from work I had the tree in the house already and the tree stand all ready for Ted to help me set it up. The look on his face was priceless....I remember him saying "we have a real tree?????" as if it was the most crazy idea ever.

At one time Ted's family may have had a live tree, but in the later years of life, (Ted's dad was 50 when Ted was born) they had an artificial tree, so Ted had no knowledge of setting up the tree, but as I left for choir practice, he vowed that he would attempt to set up the tree.

I started to giggle as I pulled into the driveway and saw the VERY crooked tree through the front window. I tried to keep my face straight as I walked in to a very frustrated husband sitting on the floor in front of the tree.

Upon closer inspection, I saw that my tree was being held up with bungee cords stretched across the room and attached to window sills and things. Try as I might, the eyebrows raised, and I'm sure the "not good enough" look crept onto my face.

Ted claims I picked the world's most crooked tree. If he could chime in here he would tell you that the tree trunk had a 90 degree angle...I have yet to hear the end of it for picking a bad tree.

I'll admit, it wasn't the easiest job, but I spent the following day getting that tree set up minus the bungee cords, and it turned into the most beautiful tree we've ever had. Every visitor and neighbor commented on how great the tree looked....it was truly a beauty.

Today I set up my pre-lit Christmas tree. Once I started my own business, I ran out of time for the live tree set up. Each year as I set up the pre-lit I mourn the live trees of years ago, and it occurs to me today that we have become a society that wants everything EASY and quick

Even in our relationship with God, we want to have those quick prayers, and spend an hour at church on Sunday (you know when the pastor is preaching longer than an hour and everyone is checking their watch? heaven forbid we spend more than an hour a week in worship of our God!)

Why do we as Christians let ourselves believe that easy always = good and hard always = bad? It occurs to me that sometimes the hard things will produce the better results. When you put some time into something, it's just sweeter in the end. You can see the rewards of your time and effort. and there is greater satisfaction.

Isn't it the same with God? The more we study His character, and those stories in the old testament that show us how God worked, the sweeter our relationship with God becomes. The more time we spend in God's word, and in daily relationship with Him, the more in awe we will become, the more we will grow to love him and our faith will increase.

I know how hard it is to get 5 days worth of homework done for this bible study, but so many women are telling me that it is SO WORTH the time and effort. We are growing closer to our Father, and he is blessing our study each week. Praise Him for that!

Maybe next year I'll ditch the pre-lit Christmas and go back to the real Christmas tree that I loved so much. I think it will be worth the extra work.

In our small town?!

Unless you live under a rock, you have probably heard about a home invasion and attempted rape that happened right in our little town of DeMotte.

Yesterday the kids were forwarding a picture of the suspect via text message on their cell phones. Have you seen the picture? If you want to see it follow this link: http://kvonline.info/articles/2008/11/20/news/news01.txt

When my daughter showed the picture to me last night, it took my breath away...the picture shows what is in my view a boy. Not a creepy looking old guy, no... this kid looks like every other high school kid to me.

My heart goes out to the woman in the story. She is my same age, and to wake up with a strange guy in her bedroom?....she must be devastated, how will she ever sleep soundly again?!

But my heart also weeps for this person who looks like a kid that somehow in life didn't learn the boundaries. What kind of breakdown in the family system must have occured to make this kid think his behavior was okay. I just have to wonder.....who hurt him so that now he wants to hurt others? Or maybe he's from a perfectly normal family and his addictions make his terrible actions seem okay in his warped mind.

While a little bit of fear has crept into my normally secure home over this would be rapist on the loose, I am more concerned about the state of our children in general. With all the killing and mayhem any kid can watch on prime time TV any hour of the day, and with video games that promote killing and picking up hookers in most houses, is it really any wonder our society is turning out kids who don' t know how to behave?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving anyone an excuse for horrible behavior, but I am taking a little closer look today at what is seen and heard in my house. As for the boy in that police sketch who is accused of rape, I can not fix him, I can not save him, all I can do is pray that somehow this kid will first of all get clean, see the errors of his way, and come to salvation. But I can do something in my house, for my kids, even though they think they are grown, I am still the mom. Tonight will be a cleansing, and my husband will be happy to know that I will no longer be on the side of our kids who bug him constantly about getting satellite tv. The 3 channels we currently get are bad enough.

Let's pray for not only the victim in this horrible situation, but also for this kid who is accused of doing something so vile.

Praise to God for a Living Hope

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade-kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shieldedby God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire may be proven genuine and may result in praise, golory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:3-9

I was thinking to myself...what posesses me to post my personal issues on the World Wide Web for all to read???

Well, here's the deal...I don't really like having you all know how weak I am, but today I am glad that I can tell you all this: Last night I became "me" again. Happy, joyful, fun, and friendly me. I'm telling you none of the things that had me so up in arms yesterday have been resolved, my kids are still growing up, I didn't move into my dream house, and well I am happy to report that SmartyPants had a really good day, and maybe we won't end the month down afterall.

NOTHING has changed in my surrounding, but that joy that comes only from God has returned, because I know that every moment of my life is ordained for his glory. I know that although I try to do everything myself, he is right there waiting for me to trust him. He truly carries the burden when I let him.

Thank you Lord that your mercies are new each morning, or each evening, even minute to minute I think. Thank you that you hold me up because I am too weak to stand on my own. This world isn't offering a whole lot of peace and joy these days, but Father you have given to us your Son; King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace and I humbly thank you.

wow

Unconfessed sin....carrying around all my "garbage" and not giving it over to God...trying to be superwoman....over committing and then getting upset when everything isn't perfect...avoiding the truth...

Feeling overwhelmed...mourning losses...fearing change...losing sleep....giving up in defeat...

It's been an interesting morning. Yesterday at bible study a friend told me about her excellent health report from the cardiologist. This excellent report was in large part if not totally due to my friend's exercise at Curves. Praise the Lord!

It got me thinking back to maybe 5 or more years ago when I was on a health kick. I walked 4 miles at least 5 times a week, did tae bo, yoga, pilates, weight training, step aerobics, you name it in my basement too. Ate healthy. I felt amazing. I remember waking up to stiff muscles and thinking oh that feels so good! Knowing I had challenged myself and pushed myself to be healthier gave me great satisfaction.

I was thinking it's been a LONG time since I even walked around the block, probably a month. And eating healthy?.....let's just not go there okay?!

So this morning I put on some layers and what my family refers to as my "happy place hat" because it's furry and fun and every time I put it on I act like a wierdo. And I headed out to at least feel that my heart can pump blood through it.

I rounded the first corner, and tears started to stream from my eyes. Didn't even feel it coming, but there it was a little meltdown.

In yesterday's video teaching and in our 5 days of homework the idea of unconfessed sin was discussed. I wasn't sure what that meant. I think I ask for forgiveness every time I pray so I was thinking....I'm good. Until Beth Moore said something about throwing ourselves onto God. Her daughter had prayed "I offer myself to you Lord" and then realized the state she was in, and she changed that prayer to "I throw myself onto you Lord".

And then as we closed the teaching, we had a time of silent confession...Beth Moore urged us TELL GOD tell Him about your mess, tell Him who has done you wrong, tell Him how you feel, TELL HIM!

I was getting a better picture of what she meant by unconfessed sin, but I wasn't ready to face God that way. Until I left the quiet and comfort of my house this morning, and there on the road in the neighborhood I just moved to, there it was on my heart so heavy I couldn't ignore it.

All that "stuff" I hope you don't mind, I have to call it crap, it is the only word that works in this situation, just a load of crap weighing me down. Stuff I think I can deal with on my own, until it all backs up and my shoulders are so tight and my neck so stiff I could barely lift my head off my pillow this morning...felt like I had whiplash.

Have you ever had whiplash? I got it once when I was in two accidents in one day in GR Michigan. That's a story for another day. Anyway, your brain sends the message to lift your head off the pillow, but the neck muscles or the spine or whatever just simply does not cooperate, it's wierd.

So there it was pouring out of me, stuff I didn't know was bothering me.

On the surface, I am overwhelmed by too much on my calander. I was incredibly frustrated yesterday as I told the morning group that we would not meet for study the month of December and some women didn't think that was a good idea. I had spent a lot of time and made several phone calls trying to work out the best scenario, but try as I might, I can not please everyone. There are over 55 women who come to WIW and accomodating everyone's needs is overwhelming me to say the least. I practically snapped at one woman who I love very much and I hope she is reading this and accepts my sincere apology....it wasn't you Lauri, it was me...I'm truly in over my head these days.

If you had asked me yesterday, that would have been my story, I'm too busy, I'm overwhelmed, I am weak and I can't handle the responsibility.

This morning God showed me all kinds of things that are REALLY tossing around in me that I have not asked God's help with. You know the superwoman thing...I can handle it I can handle it I can handle it....maybe, but I'm not handling it well.

I'm just going to tell you some of my issues, I don't know why I am sharing this stuff but maybe someone reading this is about to explode like I am, and maybe something I say will help you see what's got you crazy and you can take it to God or throw it onto God like I did this morning.

I am missing my house. Can you believe how shallow I am? Ok, it's not the house, we lived there 14 years, it was cozy and cute and comfortable and it was HOME. I miss the hardwood floors and I miss my 50s kitchen and the 4 inch moulding...I miss it.

I don't like living in a neighborhood. I hate looking outside and seeing railroad tracks...hate it. I want to be back on the farm. I want to open a curtain and see the woods, the sky, the corn, I don't want to look at the neighbor's car and I sure don't want to hear their thumping bass music every minute...I want to hear those birds squawking at 6 am. I miss them, I miss nature, I miss the country.

I hate that my son lives in the basement. He seems to actually prefer living down there, but I hate it. It's ugly.

I hate it that there is no bedroom for my college daughter....and while we're on this subject...I hate it that she doesn't live at home anymore. I hate it that she's grown up. I hate it that I can't see her every day. I know the alternative is failure for her, I know she's succeeding in life and YES that is what I want, but I don't want to let her go. She is my baby, she is my world. When things were so very screwed up and wrong in my life her face and her smile were the ONLY thing there was to live for. I can picture her standing in front of the refrigerator 6 cracked eggs at her feet one oozing between her fingers and this look on her face saying "check this out these things are so cool!" She always made me laugh.

I could never have predicted how hard it is to let go of her. We fought most of her high school life. She is so much like me that we can't agree on anything, know what I mean?! So why is it so painful with her gone?

And then there is Ashley. The heart and soul of our family. Everyone's best friend, the cheerleader, the encourager, the sunshine every morning. The one who tells the jokes and gets the laughs, the one who cares and loves. I took her on a college visit this week. Guess what, I hate it that she's graduating. I hate it that she won't live with me either. I don't want her to go. I will miss her. It feels like my arms are being cut off. I had no idea it would feel like this.

And the baby Joshua...he's in high school. At the moment he isn't causing me too much grief, I've still got him under my wing...but don't even talk to me in a few years. I didn't sign him up for preschool until Ted MADE me do it. I doubt sending him into the world will be any easier than it is with the girls. And he's talking military after high school....yeah, let's just not even talk about that now.

My FAMILY is changing. I guess I'm having a very difficult time accepting that. I didn't realize I was, but as I got it out to God this morning, there it was, I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm helpless to stop the days from passing until we are all seperated.

The last 3 weeks have been the worst weeks in 5 years at SmartyPants. I think the recession is finally hitting us. Until this month, we had an increase from year to year. Unless there is a miracle in the next week, we will show a decrease. Who cares right? I realize that smartypants has become part of me. If it fails, I've failed. Not great thinking but there it is. I'm failing!!!!

I've had nothing but employee drama, and major mistakes have been made in pricing and dealing with customers, oh and one was stealing, that doesn't help either. I hate being the boss, I really hate firing people. I want to do nothing for a week, stay in my pajamas on the couch.

Ashley texted me asking how the store did yesterday. I told her I was ready to close it up. She said OH NO, you aren't going out like that, we don't fail mom. She's right, we don't fail. So facing the day wondering if people are going to shop is hard. Failing in business is not failing in life but I'm scared of failure. I don't want to fail. So the pressure is on to figure something out, find a way to attract customers...yeah, no easy task when the world is broke.

As I type this, I just got done ringing up a huge sale, and my customer raved about the shop on and on....thank you God for this bit of encouragement.

These things weigh on me, and this is just the tip of the iceberg....I have tried to just face them alone, you know, giving myself pep talks, yes praying about them a little, but just the surface, as if God can't see right thru me anyway, I haven't been willing to let it go. I always think I need to deal with my own crap.

I praise you God for showing me my own heart today. I know that all of this is part of your plan for me, and I believe that your plan is perfect. Yeah, I guess I'm throwing myself onto you for mercy today, and I know that you will cover me. Thank you.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Well, it's always interesting to learn that when I feel completely overwhelmed by life, there are many others right there with me feeling the same way.

Is it the approach of the Christmas season that has us stressing? Watching the calander fill up, writing lists of things we'll need to purchase and wondering where all the money will come from to pay for it, or maybe it's the gloomy weather.

I spent the beginning of this week praying for a new attitude. I knew I needed a fix, but I wanted it quick, and you guys might have noticed, I'm not a great listener, I generally like to do the talking. So pray as I might, that quick fix just didn't happen.

I love facilitating WIW studies at church but this lousy attitude had started to creep into me and had so overtaken my normally cheerful self that even people at my shop were worried and asking what was wrong. Am I that transparent?!

I'm guessing the main root of my problem is this cold I have that just wants to make me stay in bed all day. Nonetheless, I headed to bible study Tuesday night knowing full well the women would see right through me. Just before we started the lesson I popped what I thought was a normal cough drop into my mouth only to discover as I tried to say tabernacle and it came out taberblabble that what I had put into my mouth was a chloriseptic drop which would numb my tongue and throat. Lovely.

So with a lousy attitude and a completely numb tongue I bumbled my way thru the first bit of study until we came to the question that dealt with our "pitchers" getting empty, making us unable to "wash the feet of others". And the conversations just flowed. We are all feeling overwhelmed or have been in the recent past. We all get in over our heads and we all struggle to keep a focus on what is important. We skip our one on one God time because we think we are too busy, and then we throw up our hands in distress over how empty we feel. Have mercy on us Lord, we are so human.

Wednesday morning the conversation turned the same way (perhaps I led it that way?) we're all just too busy, and all the busy work sucks the joy from our lives. One of the women in the group who I admire more than she'll ever know, simply walked up to me silently, and handed me a piece of scrap paper:
Being
Under
Satan's
Yoke

Oh yes, that is exactly how it feels. I want to cheerfully serve in my church, work in my shop, sing in the choir, watch my daughter's basketball games, help my son with his homework, cook, clean, do laundry but the yoke seems really heavy at the moment, I am too busy and in my view there is nothing I can stop doing to make me less busy.

So yesterday after bible study I went home, turned off my phone (wow right?!) and slept for 2 hours on the couch. When I woke up I started humming the hymn;
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
and the things of earth
will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace.

Oh yes, there it was, the truth in a song. So strage that I can hear the same thing thru the Bible, words spoken by my fellow believers and in my heart I already knew the answer, but somehow there it was, just how I needed to hear it.

I can't stop living in this world, I can't hide from my responsibilities, and I can't be a crab forever.

The only thing I can do is turn to Jesus, and bask in the light of His glory.

Praise God I feel "normal" today well except for the stuffy head and soar throat but somehow it seems tolerable today. Thank you to The Great Physician who knows when we hurt and how to heal us.

Be careful what you pray for

This week's video teaching for "A Woman's Heart; God's dwelling place" by Beth Moore was certainly a "thinker" for me. Indeed I say that every single week, I think because I know I will watch it twice, so the first time I hear what is said, and then I have a sometimes sleepless night to contemplate what I've heard before I head back to church and watch the video the second time...then it really starts to mean something to me.

There are several issues that I could ramble on about from this particular video, but I'll just stick to one for now.

I do not have my workbook in front of me right now, I'm at work, and I'll just admit this is a great time for me to get computer stuff done b/c it looks like I'm "working" if I'm typing feverishly on the keyboard. Anyway, here is the gist of it. In Exodus 33 Moses asks God to show him His glory, and God answers him by saying I will show you my goodness. Okay, like I said I don't have my workbook with me, and I'm no Beth Moore in the transliteration department, but in the original Hebrew language the words used in that passage, God's goodness, and His glory are interchangeable.

In our group we talked about things we hear often from Christians, we say things like; "be careful what you pray for" or "don't pray to God for patience because He'll make you go thru something difficult to increase your patience". Is it risky to ask God to show us His glory? As believers we really shouldn't be saying things like this. What we are saying is... well we want to see your glory God but on our terms and we don't want to have anything bad happen to us, and don't make us suffer but yeah, show us your glory k?

Now why would we do that? My way of doing things can never compare to what God can do....those things we say.....are not exactly huge statements of faith are they?

So maybe I've missed the mark here, but what if we as Christians accepted that God's glory is interchangeable for goodness. What I'm saying is, I've seen situations that bring glory to God that I would not have characterized as God's "goodness". One harsh example is when a child dies, if his parents believe that the child is in heaven, and they keep their faith in God, that brings glory to God...but would we ever say the death of a child was an example of God's goodness?!

Or struggles in my own life, I would never have characterized them as God's goodness, not in a million years, but in the end, realizing my sins, confessing them and now serving God brings Him glory...so what I'm saying is I'm feeling this attitude adjustment coming on for me. Some of the worst times in my life where some of the best examples of God's goodness and glory.

I don't think I'm articulating this thought very well, but maybe some of you will relate to what I'm trying to say. All I know for me, is that something in my heart has changed this week. I see things in my own life and in the world at large a little differently today than I did yesterday. I love when God just flips a switch for me. A whole lot of heart changing comes slowly and sometimes it's a light bulb, you all know I'm not a terribly patient person, so I praise God today for the light bulb version this time.

The Rebel Church

I'm surprised at how many people I meet at Community Church who have had a time away from formal worship. For many of them, they had a period of sin in their lives, addiction, or some other "obvious" public sin, and they felt the judgement of church members. The end result was hurt feelings and a distaste for church.

I myself have experienced this same thing when I was an unwed pregnant teenager. In order to get married in the church, I had to appear before full council. I'm not sure what they called this meeting but I always felt as if I was confessing my sin to the elders. To this day it remains one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

I jumped through the hoops set before me in an effort to spare my parents even more shame if I didn't get married at all, or if I married at the justice of the peace. I stood in front of the long table filled with the faces of my friend's dads as they went around the table and each one got to say something to me.

I remember one of them saying, "I'm just making sure that you know what you did is a sin and God hates sin." Yes, I was already pretty aware that I had messed it all up...the disappointment on everyone's face was proof enough of that.

Just recently as I waited in line at the gas station I saw one of the elders I had to face over 20 years ago. He put his arm around my shoulders and said "how you doing Cath?". He asked about the kids and smiled warmly as I told him they were all great. Sometimes I wonder if he even remembers that day when I stood in front of council, I would guess he doesn't. Or maybe he does, and that is why this big grumpy guy takes time to say hi to me everytime I see him.

For me, what I felt as judgement by my church, sent me into a tailspin of guilt and regret. It was as if at that very moment I ceased being a chosen child of God. Even when I did attend church, I no longer believed I was part of the family of God, why would He want me as a member? That guilt then turned into blaming God for my problems and I was just done with it all...too much pain, too much guilt, it was easier to run away.

For others, as they tell their story of deep wounds inflicted by the church, the bitterness creeps back in, and in their words you can hear that there is still deep hurt.

So why do so many prodigal children end up at Community? Our pastor once called Community "the rebel church" from the pulpit. I thought, well no wonder we finally fit in here!!!!! I thank God for Community church. He has used the members of Community to heal some pretty deep scars that never would have healed if left unattended.

Whatever it is that makes Community the rebel church, I say keep up the good work. A whole lot of folks just like me end up worshiping and serving in that rebel church, Praise God!

As for me, I know of a prodigal child right now. I don't know for sure what to do or what to say, but after talking with some people who suffered deep wounds from feeling judged by their church, the Spirit has moved me to contact her. I will write her a note and tell her I'm thinking about her. Her current living situation doesn't jive with the way the Bible tells us to live. I am certain she is either feeling guilty or bitter. If God can heal my scars, He can heal hers too, and if I can be part of that, I'm going to do my best to reach her, and show her God's love.

Ted recently shared a sermon he heard on Moody radio, it was that pastor from Scotland...have you guys ever heard him? The point of his sermon was that as a church, the goal must be not to produce prodigal children. He talked about the tatooed and pierced, and the kids who don't look as if they fit in, and how so often those kids don't find acceptance at church and wind up taking a wrong path to feel accepted.

Community Church does a superb job in my opinion of loving everyone, Thank You God providing a place for the lost to feel your love, help us to be aware of those who are hurting and fill us with your love so that we can love even the sometimes unloveable. You are so good Lord.

At the risk of being unpopular

I am going to address our discussion time for WIW this week.

The purpose of this particular discussion time is to share what God has shown us through the study we have completed that week. Each day of our homework starts with a suggestion from the author to pray that God will open our hearts and give us understanding. Once we have asked God to lead us through the study, we start reading passages and answering questions, but let's never forget that it is God who gives us insights and shows us our hearts.

I love a lively discussion as much as anyone, and I agree whole heartedly with the fact that we as Christians should be involved and active in issues that affect our world.

Father God I pray that you will lead and guide our discussions for WIW. It is our desire to always keep YOU at the center. Thank you for opening our eyes and giving us understanding through your Word. We so enjoy the tabernacle study and how this study bridges the Old Testament with the New. Your word is so complete and full, nothing we think or feel could ever compare. In the name of your precious Son, Amen

Holy is the Lord God Almighty....

the earth is filled with your glory...

Sunset on Siesta Key beach October 21, 2008.

Something wierd is happening here...

So this week I am in Florida, I heard it was 40 degrees at home this morning...it was 85 here today...not trying to rub it in or anything ;-)

I would like to say I am enjoying the time away from the daily grind and work hassles, but well, I have this little shop...and it is run by this lit up box...oh wait, I think the lit up box actually runs the shop...and it's cranky owner...and although I am like 4 states away from home, that stupid box, and this little joy that lives in my pocket called a cellular device are ruining my fun.

I arrived in Florida on Monday afternoon, and Ted and I met up with his sister and her husband who happened to be visiting Florida but live in New Jersey for dinner. We don't get to see them often enough, and sitting in the sunshine on the deck of Bahama Breeze restaurant, overlooking the gulf, listening to beachy tunes and laughing at the top of our lungs was the highlight of our trip so far.

I was put in charge of planning a mini conference for some members of the National Association of Resale and Thrift Shops, an organization I belong to...so that means this year conference is on the BEACH!!! We stayed at an adorable little compound off of Siesta Key beach in Sarasota Florida. 5 mini cottages painted Florida colors; flamingo pink, bright yellow, and my personal fav. turquoise. The cottages are decked out with quirky "Florida" antiquey things, and being resalers, we all enjoy the funky nature of our dwelling place. It is less than a block's walk to Siesta Key Beach...world famous white sand beach...it is truly a sight to behold as the sun sets on the water...amazing.

I was told that a condo on the beach in Siesta Key will run ya about 5 million bucks, so I've been hanging out with a lot of rich elderly people the last few days. I feel just a little out of my league in some ways, but mostly, I am meeting just regular people...yeah they seem to have some spoils in life, like the couple riding their personal segway scooters on the beach...but they are warm and friendly and they smile and take time to chat...they are retired...they are not stressed out over money...they are all tan...life is good.

I'll make a long story short here, the lit up box that runs my life got a virus...aww poor baby got sick...one of my employees downloaded some stuff she shouldn't have, and I nearly lost the hard drive. (Know anyone looking for a part time job?) So, my poor mom, who does not love the little box very much in the first place, called while I was drinking fresh squeezed orange juice with my honey at an outside table, of a cutesy little breakfast place.

What to do...no computer...it has to go to the computer Dr. next door to get treatment for it's newly aquired virus. I don't know how it takes so much effort and time for us to figure out that we could probably do something so silly as to add things up on a calculator and make change without the box's input, but eventually we come up with that brilliant plan, and it all works out in the end.

Mom did a great job of handling the situation, and I got a little smarter, and turned off my cute little cellular device.

I'll just stop that story right there for now, but I'll fill ya all in on the rest of the conference events sometime soon.

So here's the wierd part. While I am sitting with dear friends I get to see twice a year at best, talking shop, learning really good stuff to help improve my business, ON THE BEACH (I'm a fan of the beach if you haven't noticed) I start to get this funny feeling. I'm a little lonely. It is Tuesday night and I miss my Women in the Word. I miss their laughter, and all the great insights they share with the group. I wonder how their week is going, and I just MISS them greatly.

And Wednesday morning, I actually shed a few tears (I should probably mention that pms may play a small part in the tear shedding, lest you think I'm a hopeless case) I need my fix of the women in my life, who share their hearts with me, and even more, I need my fix of God's Word which I suddenly realize has been absent nearly all week long.

Heavenly Father, all I can do is give you thanks and praise for the work you do in our hearts through WIW. You have taught me the true meaning of the Family of God thru the love of my sisters. I needed that lesson, I needed these women, and as always You knew what I needed long before I did. You are so awesome. Thank you...

Accountability is that really what we want?

Last night I watched the video teaching on all the lessons we can apply to our own lives found in the story in which God provides for the needs of the Israelites in the desert through daily manna in Exodus 16. It was the third time I watched it, and I could really watch it again.

I think what amazes me most is that I've learned that manna story a million zillion times, read it over and over and over...yet here I am, with a whole new level of respect for God and the way His plan is so perfect, so good, so wise, and so complete. I am humbled not only by God and who He is today, but I am humbled by the sheer power of THE WORD.

How many times have we prayed "give us today our daily bread" without relating that to the manna story? Am I just out of the loop? Did you all learn that and maybe I ditched that Sunday school day? I will never pray the Lord's Prayer the same way again.

Me, of oh so many words, I just can't even fit all of my feelings about this lesson onto any number of pages.

Anyway, in our Tuesday night group, the word accountability was thrown around a lot, as we discussed the way our God is a daily God. One of the points in our book was that we had an objection to God's DAILY approach to relationship.

Objection, I thought that seemed a bit harsh...do we really OBJECT to God's daily approach, don't we just run out of time, and have too many distractions, and okay so maybe we are just a bit full of ourselves, but do we really OBJECT to it?! Well, yeah, I do object when I simply do not allow God to be the center of my life. I am guilty of objecting to God's daily approach.

Something about holding eachother accountable wasn't ringing right in me. Do you guys have that? prickling that says hmmmmm let me think about that some more. Well, I've been thinking about the notion that we need to hold eachother accountable or even that we need to hold ourselves accountable to have daily relationship with God.

Here are my thoughts on the subject, I don't mean to step on any toes, but I think we might be missing something big here.

I am so good at guilting myself. Those of you who know me are shaking your head uh huh right now. So, I can so clearly see that tendancy to say okay, I just know I want this daily relationship with God, but I'm probably gonna mess it up, like I always do, I haven't been a faithful Bible study girl in the past, I'm a bit of a slacker sometimes and I'm just downright really busy and distracted....and...and...and...I need to be held accountable for this Bible study, so that I get my daily bread. I can really see where this accountability talk comes from, but...

I guess I'm not seeing daily bread defined as this WIW Bible study, or a daily devotional book, or even in studying the Bible every single day thinking that will be our relationship with God.

I'm afraid we might be getting a little hung up on thinking that this Bible study is the sum of what a relationship with God is. Doing the 5 days of homework in our workbook will certainly bring us closer to God by studying his character, and learning new meanings to words which gives whole new meanings to familiar Bible passages is wonderful, and seeing ourselves in the Israelites struggles is bringing it to a whole new level. But what we really want in our lives is not on the pages of a workbook, right?

We want a changed heart, we want God the center of everything we do, and I don't know how I can hold you accountable for that.

I feel like I'm writing and writing words and not getting what I'm feeling across, so here is my story again, it seems the only way I can express this.

When I was growing up I looked just like you would want your kid to look. I sang in choir, I didn't even miss night church, I knew the answers to the questions and I'm a very good communicator, so I'm sure I sounded like I had it all together in the "God" department.

Looking back, I was pretty shallow. I walked the walk and OH YES I could talk the talk (we all know I can talk) by about the time I turned 18, it was pretty clear that I did what I wanted to do without even a consideration of what God would have wanted me to do. I was a big huge fake in the relationship with God dept. I made all kinds of bad decisions, and ended up in a big ole mess.

Then I had the nerve to blame God for all the things wrong in my life, and I was downright turned off from God all together. Oh, I occupied a pew on Sunday, but only the morning to protest and only out of some deep rooted obligation and mostly probably because I knew my parents would raising their hands for prayer requests for me at church on Sunday night if I didn't at least sit in the dumb pew, how embarrassing. So there I sat, me and my big ole chip on the shoulder and crummy attitude.

So how does the girl I am describing end up leading a Bible study?! I admit I am that exact same girl, and I have no powers of transforming myself. I didn't do it. No amount of joining a Bible study, and filling in blanks could ever have changed me the way God has changed my heart.

So I'm not saying it's not good to be held accountalbe, but I am wondering out loud here...is that what we are really after? Do we still want hearts that need to be held accountable for a daily relationship with God?

I see where I have come from....to where I am now in my relationship with God, and I am quite clear that I am not responsible for that, I take no credit for attending Bible studies, or learning more info. The thing that changed for me is my very heart, who I am, what I believe, I am powerless to change that in myself, else I would have been perfect all along, right?

And I think it's impossible to "show" someone how to change their heart. I thank God that just the complete 100% change in me was so drastic that I had no other option than to accept that I didn't have anything to do with it. This new heart was a pure gift, unearned to this very day, and my excitement for God and learning His Word is out of just knowing that A. I don't want that old heart back, and B. just pure amazement at a God who can completely change my heart. I'm stubborn....it was no easy task, kicking and screaming all the way with a million excuses and a whole lot of attitude. If God can change my heart, I really want to see what else He can do, and so I read about Him, I talk to Him, I worship Him, not out of obligation in any way, I want to do it.

So I say to all of you who are occupying a pew, or filling in the blanks of a workbook for the sake of being accountalbe for doing so, STOP right now, and just ask God to change your heart. He's got this amazing and beautiful plan for your heart and your busy work won't earn it, you are going to have to trust God to purify and change it and make it clean for you, and then you'll want MORE of Him, not just at church or in Bible study but every day, every hour, every minute. You want HIM in your heart.

I am grateful that praying and study the Bible for me, is a response to what God has done for me, and not out of obligation or because I feel accountable for doing it, and I pray for that for each of you.

Okay, sermon over.

Christmas Brunch/ potluck what do you think?

Okay ladies Cathy's busy brain has been thinking...LOOK OUT!

Okay I don't have my Bible study stuff with me at work but I had on the Wed. morning schedule, a Christmas brunch either the first or second week in Dec.

The Tuesday night group decided to have a potluck supper that week.

Well, I was thinking...how do you Wed. morning ladies feel about coming together as one big group on Tuesday night?

One thing to consider is that there will not be childcare for that evening, so plan accordingly.

I'm going to get some feedback Tues. night and Wed morning next week, to make a final decision, but I gotta tell you, both groups are just brimming with great and fun women, I think it would be great fun to fellowship over dinner with one another!

A beautiful poem, by a beautiful woman

The following is a poem composed by a woman in The Word who would like to remain anonymous, I know you will be as blessed and moved by it as I am, in light of our study of God as Jehovah Jireh, God as the Father who gives his children everything they will ever need:

A poem from Community CRC's

"Women in the Word" Bible study

"We are learning how God provides everything we need by studying the Israelite's trek through the desert. God provided their food, water, clothing , and best of all His presence as they were wandering. As women, we can get a little hung up on life's material needs, such as what shall I wear? The covering God freely gives us is much fuller & more beautiful than anything we could think of providing for ourselves!!

What Shall I Wear?

I look into the closet that overflows,

and feel as if I have no clothes.

Nothing to wear that would reflect,

Your Glory, Your Honor and my Respect.

I come today with nothing to wear,

Naked before you, my shame I bear.

What can I offer, what can I give,

Something to show You the thanks I live?

Fool that I am, I can't find it here;

The clothes that I need are the ones You bear!

Clean, white linen* your hand proffers,

Surpassing all choices my closet offers.

I take from Your hand the garment you give,

Your Salvation, Your Righteousness, in

these clothes, I can live!

*Fine linens, bright and clean was given her to wear. Revelations 9:8"

Thank you dear sister for sharing your poem with us. We all love you!

God tests us with abundance...

In our study this week we see how God gives the Israelites "bread from heaven" to test whether they will follow his commands.

From the beginning of the Bible in Genesis, I have caught myself wondering WHY God does what He does. Seriously, why put the forbidden fruit in the middle of the garden anyway?

The same with the manna, couldn't God have simply given only enough for the one day, why send more if the Israelites weren't allowed to store it?! The why question is answered in the Bible, because God was testing them, and He tests us too.

I have a friend who is very comfortable in life, financially her family is well off, and she admits that she doesn't want for much.

I have never heard her celebrating her wealth. I have never heard her say, "well, we work hard and that is how we get what we want" or "we've just figured out a way to make money and it works for us".

Nope, her very attitude shows thru in the way she talks about God, she knows that her wealth is from God, that all they have is His, and without Him all that stuff means nothing.

She often explains that when one is not struggling financially, it's hard to remember to trust in God. Things just go along smoothly in life, which is great, yet she is always aware that, their family has been given wealth by God, and that they need to trust Him for everything and not start relying on themselves, or congratulating themselves on their success.

Honestly, having grown up in a family that struggled financially at times, and finding myself a single mom at age 21 with 2 kids to feed, the thought that of having things "too good" financially was kind of a joke to me.

And just like I tend to do once in a while with Bible stories, I wonder WHY???? Why are some people given everything in life while others have nothing God, I don't get it!

A while ago my wealthy friend told me that she was having a hard time with one of her kids, I started to say, "Oh I'm so sorry to hear that!" but she cut me off. She told me she believed that God was reminding her to trust Him, that it was good for their family to rely on God thru this hard time.

Wow, what a true believer right?!

I mean, okay, after the fact sometimes we "see" the "why" of what God is doing in our lives, but right there in the middle of it, she could see that God was testing her, to trust Him with her family, with her children.

Wow, such an inspiration my friend is to me. To always know that God loves me, not just when I'm getting what I want, but also when things go wrong. To believe that God has my best interest at heart no matter the "test" at hand.

Thank you God for giving me a friend to serve as an example of a godly woman, though blessed by you in wonderful ways, she does not forget you, or take the credit for herself, and in the middle of a "test" she can see you working in her life to challenge and teach her to always rely on You. Thank you for godly friends. In your Son, Amen

God just gave it to her...

After study the woman who originally suggested we sing hymnal number 32 told me that she was simply thumbing thru the Psalter trying to find a familiar one and God "gave her" Psalm 32, it popped into her head.

Thank you God for giving Psalm 32 to my sister in The Word, the words of your song have stuck in my head and ministered to my spirit. I praise you for you are AMAZING. You've got my sins covered, thru the blood of your Son, how can I ever thank you for that?

The trouble with the night session of WIW is...

I can't sleep when I get home. New ideas toss and turn in my brain even after I wear out my husbands ears for an hour or so after I get home.

Earlier I had posted about our small group study last Wed. breaking into song. We sang Psalter Hymnal #32, which is from Psalm 32? Well I wanted to share with the night session our experience on Wednesday, so we gathered into the front few rows of the sanctuary and Jan Miller led us in the first 2 verses of "How Blest Is He Whose Trespass" has freely been forgiven, who's sin is wholly covered before the sight of heaven...

And then, interestingly enough....during the video, we turn to....none other than Psalm 32. The women thought I had planned it.....nope. I watched the video for the first time with the group last night, I had no idea Psalm 32 was in it, and Marjie dD who picked the hymn for us originally on Wed. morning had no way of knowing it would be in our next video either.

Wow, I no longer believe in coincidence. I think God has a great sense of humor...I picture Him thinking...here this will really freak her out!!!!

So why I couldn't sleep...In Sunday School as a kid, when we learned about the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve realized they were naked after sin, and covered themselves. I took that literally to mean naked means sin means we need to cover ourselves from nakedness...are you with me? Did you learn it the same?

So in last night's study we learned that "naked" for Adam and Eve didn't mean no clothes naked like it does for us. Adam and Eve had never seen clothes so how could they compare naked with not naked in terms of clothing. Adam and Eve felt their shame, they were naked before God as in, knowing they had sinned. They tried to cover their shame, not neccesarily their body parts.

Then God comes and he "covers" them, not just their exposed body parts, but their shame, he covers it by the first recorded animal sacrifice, which is a sign of the ultimate sacrifice of his son on the cross.

So why did that keep me up at night? Because I am so grateful to see the story differently than when I grew up. I always pictured God thinking oh you lousy adam and eve, now I have to cover you up b/c you blew it. But no, God covers our sin, it's so much bigger than I know it to be.

I need to get to church to set up the food table (grrrrr Michelle...you are killing me with this food!! ;-) but I just need to get this out...what a difference to serve a God who covers your sin, than a God who covered your nakedness. There has always been shame in being naked, in our bodies, and the covering up comes from Genesis I am sure. But Jesus bore my shame with his naked body in my place. That shame is not for me, God's got me covered.

I'm having a hard time putting it into words, I'll tell you this, I got 2 phone calls after I got home last night from women saying WOW with me. New concepts take time to sink in, but praise God today for seeing him and his character in a new light. What a JOY to serve a God who's got you covered, as opposed to serving out of guilt or trying to somehow redeem yourself....WOW

More later.

Wierd!!

Anyone else out there like me...kinda missing the nightly homework part of WIW? I didn't want to start the homework too early....I'll be 40 this year, and my memory.......ugh.

I was home today...

A review of the week for this Woman in the Word:

Tuesday night I met with my new sisters at 7 pm. Shock of all shocks came when nearly all 18 or so of the members of this night group had all 5 days of their homework done. Praise the Lord!

This is the 3rd year of WIW's existence, and already it is such a sweet year. Women seem very focused this year, to absorb every word of scripture, and to leave no stone un turned. The first meeting of both the day and night groups, found me struggling with the thought that our Bible study might be seen as a "gimmick" or a ploy.

God has answered that question in my heart with a resounding NO child, these women are here to seek God's presence, the excitement of the first week's Bible readings and the probing "heart" (we got flames and hearts this year Kath) questions got every last one of us thinking and sharing. So sweet.

Okay, back to Tuesday night. I love this group. First of all, they are like me...working women. The first week I asked if they wanted me to make coffee for our study time, "NO" they said, "keep it simple!" ahhhh my kind of women!

So after a day of work, with more work ahead the next day, and for many a work load still waiting for them when they get home, we arrive at church, probably tired, stressed, it's the end of a long day, I'm sure you all know that feeling. But once we start discussing, the fire ignites, and women are sharing and questioning and we are reading scripture, and it is sooooo goood.

I have inherited the Wednesday morning leader job, and at times I feel incredible pressure to deliver something great. Fortunately God knows my heart and uses all of you to remind and encourage me that this study is about God, not about Cathy.

I was most impressed on Wednesday morning with our big group prayer time. Listening to the women praise God for his character is so inspiring. My heart was so full by the time we got to our small group discussion time, I could have floated away.

As I sat with the women who were with me on the very first lesson of my very first facilitating adventure this morning, I could just feel God's love thu these women. I looked around at one point and felt like shouting out to God THANK YOU for these women. Truly for me, this is a taste of what heaven will be like. I was sad when our time together ended all too soon (yes Kath, I let them out late, and we had barely gotten to day 3...goodness!)

Another favorite moment of the morning was when a new believer in the group related how exciting it was to her when she ran across Bible verses that she knew from singing praise songs at church. That statement led to a conversation about prasie songs vs. hymns. At that point one of the women ran into the sanctuary and grabbed a psalter hymnal. She showed the new believer how the first 100 songs in the hymnal were the first 100 Psalms in the Bible. Cool stuff. She turned to one of the hymns, she read it's title and what Psalm the hymn represented and then those of us who knew that hymn from memory just sang it. Right then and there.

Father God....what a GIFT you have given us thru our precious friend Kathy Vander Tuig. WIW is a product of Kathy's hard work and determination to start a women's study. Father I thank you for my friend, and I ask you to bless her in the study she attends way across the country. May she find her sisters there, and as always we know she will grow closer to you through the time she spends in your word. For me, Father, small group discussion time is just a little taste of heaven...for those moments, I can't think of a place I'd rather be. Praise you God for your pursuit of us, for the fact that you overcome a lot of obstacles that stand in the way of our participation in studying your word. Thank you for your presence among us. Thank you for your Son who wore MY crown of thorns on the cross. Amen.

Where are you?

God asked Adam and Eve this question in the garden after they had eaten the forbidden fruit and were hiding.

God knew where they were, but he was getting them to take stock of their situation...

This will be the focus of our discussion this week, so start thinking now, where are you, do you see how God has pursued you into this Bible study at this time in your life? Will you be willing to share what God is doing in your life with the group?

For the Tuesday night ladies, we are a new group, but I feel nothing but JOY for each of you, as I pray for you, I find myself saying things like "this woman is a dear friend to me already" and "this woman has so much to bring to the table!" I thank God that what I wanted; a small intimate study with a few women on Tuesday night has bloomed into a bigger group of women...I can't imagine the group without any of you!

Most everyone I spoke with during the week has talked about a struggle in their lives recently. Let's face it, you can't turn on the tv without hearing some bad news about our economy. Some women are dealing with serious issues with their children. There is dischord in some families and trouble brewing in our extended families.

Do you want to hear the good news? Just like Beth Moore talked about in the video, God has pursued you to be in this Bible study at this moment in time, he knows your needs before you do.

Praise Him that more women are calling to find out about the study. Praise Him for carving time out of our days to spend in His word. Praise Him that He knows where we are, and wants to meet us where ever that is RIGHT NOW!

See ya'll in a bit!

How's it going?

I just started day 3 on my homework...not to guilt those of you who haven't started yet or anything LOL!

Oh how I have missed digging thru the Bible and saying ahhhhhh. On day one the connection between thorny plants coming in the perfect garden of Eden at the moments of the first sin, and then the crown of thorns placed on Jesus' head as he was sacrificed for ugly sin, and the sacrifice of an innocent animal to cover Adam and Eve with skin once they realized they were naked, as related to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus for our sins... that stuff takes my breath away.

Did you guys love that word picture...the angels holding their breath after Jesus asked that the crown of thorns be removed, and God told him no. The pain of that moment...

I pray it is as inspiring for you as it has been for me already.

Can't wait for Tues/Wed to hear what God is showing each of you thru the study.

Keep doing your homework ladies!

Today is the big day!

Well it's finally here, tonight we start WIW! How exciting!

My only prayer for this group and this study is that it is more than acquiring more head knowledge, that God be present in our group, and change our hearts into who He would have us become.

A funny thing happened...a friend reminded me of the book Fresh Wind Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala. I had read it before, but decided to read it again, so I put it on my to-do list I'll admit, it was pretty low on the list.

Sunday I led an adult sunday school class that met right next to the library, so I ran in and Marilyn pointed me right to the book. I brought it home and set it on my desk. Mind you, we just moved, and so there is a lot of stuff I need to deal with on and in that desk. I wondered if I'd even get it started before it's due date 2 weeks from now.

Then, a funny thing happened. Monday morning I woke up sick. I'm talking lay on the couch sick. The kids had the day off from school and my sweet daughter Ashley woke up, and offered to go into work for me so I could "chill". Awesome. While laying on the couch feeling pretty sorry for myself, b/c I really don't have time for illness right now...I spotted the book on my desk, and layed there on that couch, and read that whole book in one day (it's not a long one).

The book is Jim Cymbala's story as the preacher at The Brooklyn Tabernacle. It is a fascinating story of how God works in that urban setting.

It would take this entire page to explain what I am got out of the book and his story, but I will just say I woke up this morning feeling better (Thank you God!) and at the same time, I had a pit in my stomach. I was thinking...I just don't want this to be another old Bible study where we sit around and gain more knowledge in our brains. I kept thinking, what can I DO to make it more than that.

Then I read an email from my buddy Kathy Vander Tuig, and it said, "If you invite God to be among you, there's no telling what he might do!! I'm BELIEVING HIM for that!" Isn't that all we can do, is invite God to be there, ask Him to change what needs changing?!

Father in Heaven you have already been working in hearts to get us signed up for WIW Bible study. You have called each member to come for your reasons. Now we cry out to you, for your presence. We know that only you can soften the hearts that need it, only you can break down barriers that need to be broken, only you can change in us what needs to be changed. We are believing you right now for that. You are so big, you are so great and so amazing, and we are so excited to watch you work in our lives! We love you.

Do you miss these guys as much as I do?!

How do I discern...

This was the question asked of me today during a phone call with a friend. She called because she remembered hearing, during our "Loving Well" session of WIW last year, that sometimes God is using a "testy" person in your life to change something with you. (I'm cracking up just remembering the "testy" description!)

Her question was, how do you discern if that is the case, that something in you needs changing, especially when testy is someone who lives with you, and you are called to love them. At some point can she stop looking inward? Does she need to simply accept that testy is testy and that is how it's going to be?

hmmmm.

I'm thinking that, in all situations it would be wiser for us to look at ourselves first instead of blaming or finger pointing. But it is a good question! I think my friend's conclusion was that she would look to God for love and the support she needs when she wasn't getting it from her testy. Smart woman.

Two seconds after I hung up I wished that I had said to her PRAY FOR IT PRAY FOR IT PRAY FOR IT pray over the situation and never give up hope.

What would you all have said? Don't be shy here...I want to hear what all my sisters in the Word have said, and be free flowing with scripture support please!

Father in heaven we know that you use everything in our lives for your glory. We know that you are in control, and your plan is The One and Only Plan, even when we can't see the why of everything that is going on in our lives. You know the hurt that comes with feeling rejected and unloved, I ask you Father to soften the heart of the "testy" in my friend's life, and fill her heart with the love and acceptance that she needs when she needs it.