Accountability is that really what we want?

Last night I watched the video teaching on all the lessons we can apply to our own lives found in the story in which God provides for the needs of the Israelites in the desert through daily manna in Exodus 16. It was the third time I watched it, and I could really watch it again.

I think what amazes me most is that I've learned that manna story a million zillion times, read it over and over and over...yet here I am, with a whole new level of respect for God and the way His plan is so perfect, so good, so wise, and so complete. I am humbled not only by God and who He is today, but I am humbled by the sheer power of THE WORD.

How many times have we prayed "give us today our daily bread" without relating that to the manna story? Am I just out of the loop? Did you all learn that and maybe I ditched that Sunday school day? I will never pray the Lord's Prayer the same way again.

Me, of oh so many words, I just can't even fit all of my feelings about this lesson onto any number of pages.

Anyway, in our Tuesday night group, the word accountability was thrown around a lot, as we discussed the way our God is a daily God. One of the points in our book was that we had an objection to God's DAILY approach to relationship.

Objection, I thought that seemed a bit harsh...do we really OBJECT to God's daily approach, don't we just run out of time, and have too many distractions, and okay so maybe we are just a bit full of ourselves, but do we really OBJECT to it?! Well, yeah, I do object when I simply do not allow God to be the center of my life. I am guilty of objecting to God's daily approach.

Something about holding eachother accountable wasn't ringing right in me. Do you guys have that? prickling that says hmmmmm let me think about that some more. Well, I've been thinking about the notion that we need to hold eachother accountable or even that we need to hold ourselves accountable to have daily relationship with God.

Here are my thoughts on the subject, I don't mean to step on any toes, but I think we might be missing something big here.

I am so good at guilting myself. Those of you who know me are shaking your head uh huh right now. So, I can so clearly see that tendancy to say okay, I just know I want this daily relationship with God, but I'm probably gonna mess it up, like I always do, I haven't been a faithful Bible study girl in the past, I'm a bit of a slacker sometimes and I'm just downright really busy and distracted....and...and...and...I need to be held accountable for this Bible study, so that I get my daily bread. I can really see where this accountability talk comes from, but...

I guess I'm not seeing daily bread defined as this WIW Bible study, or a daily devotional book, or even in studying the Bible every single day thinking that will be our relationship with God.

I'm afraid we might be getting a little hung up on thinking that this Bible study is the sum of what a relationship with God is. Doing the 5 days of homework in our workbook will certainly bring us closer to God by studying his character, and learning new meanings to words which gives whole new meanings to familiar Bible passages is wonderful, and seeing ourselves in the Israelites struggles is bringing it to a whole new level. But what we really want in our lives is not on the pages of a workbook, right?

We want a changed heart, we want God the center of everything we do, and I don't know how I can hold you accountable for that.

I feel like I'm writing and writing words and not getting what I'm feeling across, so here is my story again, it seems the only way I can express this.

When I was growing up I looked just like you would want your kid to look. I sang in choir, I didn't even miss night church, I knew the answers to the questions and I'm a very good communicator, so I'm sure I sounded like I had it all together in the "God" department.

Looking back, I was pretty shallow. I walked the walk and OH YES I could talk the talk (we all know I can talk) by about the time I turned 18, it was pretty clear that I did what I wanted to do without even a consideration of what God would have wanted me to do. I was a big huge fake in the relationship with God dept. I made all kinds of bad decisions, and ended up in a big ole mess.

Then I had the nerve to blame God for all the things wrong in my life, and I was downright turned off from God all together. Oh, I occupied a pew on Sunday, but only the morning to protest and only out of some deep rooted obligation and mostly probably because I knew my parents would raising their hands for prayer requests for me at church on Sunday night if I didn't at least sit in the dumb pew, how embarrassing. So there I sat, me and my big ole chip on the shoulder and crummy attitude.

So how does the girl I am describing end up leading a Bible study?! I admit I am that exact same girl, and I have no powers of transforming myself. I didn't do it. No amount of joining a Bible study, and filling in blanks could ever have changed me the way God has changed my heart.

So I'm not saying it's not good to be held accountalbe, but I am wondering out loud here...is that what we are really after? Do we still want hearts that need to be held accountable for a daily relationship with God?

I see where I have come from....to where I am now in my relationship with God, and I am quite clear that I am not responsible for that, I take no credit for attending Bible studies, or learning more info. The thing that changed for me is my very heart, who I am, what I believe, I am powerless to change that in myself, else I would have been perfect all along, right?

And I think it's impossible to "show" someone how to change their heart. I thank God that just the complete 100% change in me was so drastic that I had no other option than to accept that I didn't have anything to do with it. This new heart was a pure gift, unearned to this very day, and my excitement for God and learning His Word is out of just knowing that A. I don't want that old heart back, and B. just pure amazement at a God who can completely change my heart. I'm stubborn....it was no easy task, kicking and screaming all the way with a million excuses and a whole lot of attitude. If God can change my heart, I really want to see what else He can do, and so I read about Him, I talk to Him, I worship Him, not out of obligation in any way, I want to do it.

So I say to all of you who are occupying a pew, or filling in the blanks of a workbook for the sake of being accountalbe for doing so, STOP right now, and just ask God to change your heart. He's got this amazing and beautiful plan for your heart and your busy work won't earn it, you are going to have to trust God to purify and change it and make it clean for you, and then you'll want MORE of Him, not just at church or in Bible study but every day, every hour, every minute. You want HIM in your heart.

I am grateful that praying and study the Bible for me, is a response to what God has done for me, and not out of obligation or because I feel accountable for doing it, and I pray for that for each of you.

Okay, sermon over.