~~Women in The Word~~

What is the point of going to church??

2009-09-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been in Florida for a month, I guess I should be getting adjusted by now, right? It sure is sunny here, and when I hear of the cooler temps "up North" I remember to quit pouting for a minute and appreciate the warm weather.

Moving away from friends and family is not an easy thing. In fact it's harder than I thought it would be. I can see already though, that good is going to come from it. As always God is at work in all of our lives, and I do believe that my relationship with my husband is and will be strenghthened. He is one of my only friends here, and as he starts a new job tomorrow, I am already mourning the loss. Life is hard sometimes isn't it?

So Sunday seems to be the worst for me. We're "church shopping" which is what we said we were doing for years during our marriage as an excuse not to get involved enough in church to have people start expecting us to be there on a regular basis. This time we are church shopping for real, desperately trying to find a place where we feel comfortable and fit in.

We miss you Community Church. God is doing something special through all of you, and I feel blessed to have been a small part of it.

So today we just stayed in our pajamas and watched church at the Crystal Cathedral. We have tried a Methodist church, a non demoninational Bible church, a Baptist church, and last week we drove 1 1/2 hours to attend Bradenton CRC. While each church had it's good points, we are having a hard time trying to avoid comparing them with our beloved CCRC.

For the last few weeks I was thinking, what is my problem, what am I looking for in a church??? And today it became a little clearer while sitting in my pjs drinking coffee watching TV.

The speaker at Crystal Cathedral this morning was Tony Compollo. Excellent speaker. Tells it like it is, love that in a human being. I had heard him speak when I went to a young Calvinist convention when I was in high school, so I was thrilled when Schuler announced that he would be the speaker of the day!

Anyway, today in the living room, through a charismatic preacher, a top notch orchestra and a well trained choir singing hymns, my heart was lifted, and I could just "feeeeeel" something that I was missing.

Then all our pages and pages of homework from last year flashed before my eyes, and I knew in an instant what I had been missing. The presence of GOD. That is all I want in a church. That's it. I can just sense it when a speaker has such a close relationship with God, and the Spirit just moves thru the message and it just envelopes my heart and I know that it is God. I felt it again today.

What is the point of going to church,I've been asked that many times by unbeliever friends, and the answer is so clear, to be in the presence of God, to worship Him for all that He has given us in His Son. To be filled with joy in the knowledge that no matter how badly we will continue to mess it up, He will forgive us.

Church in the living room was great today, but I missed the fellowship of believers. Who knew a former "church shopper" could become so dependant on "church"? No, I have become dependant on God, and long to be in His presence, fellow believers at my side, Praising Him for that and praying that He will lead us to the place of His choosing so that we may worship in His presence.

Enjoy Esther! Please post up once you get rolling and share what you're learning! Would love to hear what God is doing!

Been a long time!

2009-08-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

I took the summer off from blogging, in fact I pretty much took the summer off from everything besides sitting on the beach and playing with my friends! Lucky me!

News has leaked out that after a lot of heart wrenching decision making, we have decided to move to Florida.

The decision to move was made this winter, and then we chickened out in March, mainly because of the uncertain economy in FLorida.

Literally days after our decision not to move, my husband's job situation got really bad. When we add up the days he didn't work in the early spring it makes 6 weeks worth of NO paycheck. Ouch.

Was God trying to tell us to stop making every single decision a fiscal one? I really don't know.

You know the saying, things just fell into place? Well or us, it's more like things just fell apart. So what does that mean? What is God trying to tell us, stay and tough it out? Go and start afresh? I have no idea.
Those of you in WIW studies and close friends of mine know that God has really been working on me in the area of my marriage. I am often accused of beating myself up, but here are the facts; I was in a difficult marriage, that failed, this left me with an attitude, in fact it left me a bitter and unforgiving woman, thankfully God changed my heart, and I am free of those things, but I admit that a slight "attitude" remains. ;-)

Another fact is that I was a single mom of 2 little girls for a few years, which, for all practical purposes made me the head of my own household.

When I married my sweet husband, I never truly turned over that role to him. Honestly, I think he was okay with it too. He was aware that i was deeply devoted to my girls, and respected my decisions regarding how they were raised. And when we had a son, he was just naturally raised the same way.

Over the years I admit to getting my way...every single time. The creed in our house is....if the momma ain't happy...you know the rest!

"Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church," Ephesians 5:22-23a

So what does that mean exactly? I don't know, but I do know I was not living up to those standards.
So God started just working on me, and as I fought against my natural bossy attitude, I felt like God was melting me down, little by little.

And just as I melted and gave in to the idea of not always being in control in our household, my husband announced his desire to move to Florida to be closer to his mom.

This story is getting much too long, so to shorten it up, I will just say, I am excited and very afraid of moving to FLorida. I am FROM here. All of you FROM here know just what that means. But the timing of God planting that seed in me to "submit" to my husband the way He commands and my husband deciding it was time to move is not lost on me.

So in faith I head south to a new life, new jobs, new schools, new neighborhood, new church family.

To my WIW sisters, I am praying that someone who loves Jesus will step up to the plate and lead my dear Women in The Word. I love you all! I'll try to keep blogging as a way to stay in touch, so please comment often!

My favorite things...

2009-05-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

So here's the deal...a long time ago I worked out at home to a vhs tape that I really enjoyed. I had tried everything Sweatin to The Oldies (annoying), Yoga (relaxing but I needed cardio), various dance tapes etc but there was one that was just right, a good fit for me. A good workout, tough enough without killing me, and entertaining enough to do it a few times a week without getting bored.

So we moved a while back and my husband thought we should purge lots of our stuff that we weren't using at the moment...and well....I certainly wasn't using the exercise tapes very often, so they went in the yard sale and they are probably collecting dust in someone elses house.

Anyway, I have been trying to get into an exercise routine. I am so thankful for nicer weather to walk outside in, but during the winter I tried various exercise tapes, and none of them kept my attention. Exercise is now a struggle, something I am forcing myself to do. Not fun.

So it occured to me that Bible study is the same for me. This year "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place" was so interesting to me. It was hard work and lot o f homework, but the benefits of this study were vast to me.

I've been trying to study the Bible on my own for the past few weeks since the study ended, and I'm finding it hard to be consistent. I realize I've lost my favorite study guide, and I'm almost mourning the loss. There's just something about meeting with Women of God, and discussing a great Bible lesson.

I'm missing each of you today.

Last DVD & brunch

2009-04-13T10:39:00.000-07:00

This week is the final DVD teaching for the tabernacle study.

Wednesday morning will be brunch while we watch the DVD. Bring a breakfast item to share.

Mixed feelings...

2009-04-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

As much as I thought this study was going to be the death of me, I wept yesterday as I turned the last page, read the last Bible passages and filled in the last blanks of our tabernacle study. I already feel strangely empty and we'll meet two more times before we are completely done.

I'm amazed that I WANT to study God's Word. For me, in the past, personal devotions were at best a forced event, where out of guilt I found and dusted off my Bible, clenched my teeth, and vowed to stay faithful and read at least one passage per day. It usually lasted less than a week, and there sat my study Bible covered in dust on the end of my dresser.

I just gotta say this, if God is not amazing and interesting enough to keep us studying and wanting more of Him, we have no one to blame but ourselves. His Word is more interesting, complex, attention grabbing, life enhancing and complete than anything ever created by any human.

Thank you God for teaching us through the tabernacle study this year. You have opened our eyes and our hearts to lessons that we needed to learn. You have created bonds between us women that we desperately needed. Convinced of the truth, that You want to dwell in me, to show your glory thru me...I am speechless, and I stand in awe of You forever.

well.....

2009-04-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

So, did you get day 1 complete yet ladies? Our lesson on being good finishers has really touched a nerve for me, and I bet for others as well.

Just this morning I told my husband if it were up to us to build the tabernacle...well, let's just say I'm not confident we would have succeeded. What a great lesson.

Can't wait to discuss the heart questions with you guys next week.

John 8:7

2009-03-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Another great week of discussions as we reap the harvest of 8 weeks of hard lessons in this tabernacle study!

In our study this week we read James 8:7:

When they persisted in questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."

We discussed the way we sometimes think of our righteous acts. We were reminded that our righteous acts are like filthy rags. We studied the fact that Christ's death was for the pharisees, those who gave him vinegar to drink, and even those who drove the nails into his hands and feet. In the middle of one of the worst times in the history of man, Christ died for us. Sobering news, but great news!

Our discussion turned to the fact that it is important for long time, been going to church your whole life, believers to remember that their righteous acts are like filthy rags. Sometimes we think we are doing pretty good. At least we don't have big things on the list like murder, or adultery, but sadly, we sometimes forget that slandering someone is the same as murdering them to God.

We talked about how easy it is to sit in judgement of people who seem to be in a mess all the time. We sit back and wonder, "why can't they get their act together?!"

I shared the story of feeling the eyes of judgement on me when I had to appear before the council as a pregnant unmarried teenager. It hurt.

On the other side of the coin we talked about the way things have become so gray, and how we really need to call a sin a sin. Especially in church leadership, the Bible calls for discipline, it needs to be done.

I thought about what I would say to a pregnant teenager if I were called on to the job of church discipline, and it would go something like this:

As your sister in Christ, I need to talk to you about the situation you find yourself in. The Bible teaches us the law, and you probably already know that some of your past actions are considered sins according to God's Holy Word. I'm sure you already feel bad, and guilty about your sin. We all sin against God and fall short, no one is perfect. Here's the good news, Jesus death was for the sinner, not for the "perfect" or the "sinless" person. In fact not one perfect person exists, so Jesus died for each of us. I'm here on behalf of the church to remind you that God still loves you, and that, once you repent, your sins of the past will be GONE and remembered no more. You are a beloved child of God and His only desire is that you remain in a close relationship to Him. If there is anything we can do for you, we are here as your God's family.

The goal of church discipline should certainly be to draw the wayward back to God. Let's pray for the elders of our churches as they make these difficult visits, and try to handle awkward situations in love. And let's vow to keep looking inward at our own hearts to see where we are falling short, instead of looking around in judgement of others. Jesus died for the sinners...that's you and me, and the addict, and the murderer.

Are we committed?

2009-03-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

So we're staring down the last 2 lessons of the Tabernacle study. I think we've had more drop outs than people who have stuck with this study so far. In talking with the women, the theme is the same, no time to do the homework. And, let's face it, you don't get as much out of the discussions when you haven't done the lesson.

So yesterday I was finishing up my homework, and it talks about what it must have felt like for Moses when all the items for the tabernacle passed inspection. It has been a challenge for us to LEARN about all the details and specific instructions that went into creating each article in the tabernacle. God even chose who could do what, in what order, with what materials and so on. Exhausting work in my opinion. I've been studying for weeks, and I still mix up the golden and bronze alters occassionally.

Imagine the Israelites building this thing. Hammering out the lampstand out of one solid piece of gold. Weaving intricate images of cherubim into the hides. Can you even imagine the time involved, the dedication it must have taken? And remember it wasn't like they could just throw a frozen pizza in the oven for supper either, just eating and having water to drink took time and energy to pull it off, add all of these projects to the "to-do list" and wow, what dedication it must have taken.

Today we're not asked to hammer out golden lampstands, and cover acacia wood with gold to make a the table of the bread of the presence. And modern conveniences exist all around us to make our daily tasks easier and less time consuming...I mean, can you imagine washing your clothes with a rock in the river??? yuck.

The Bible is full of every single answer to all the issues in our daily life. God tells us to trust Him, that He will care for us, he watches over the birds of the field he will watch over us. Over and over the stories and God's own words in the Bible show us that anything and everything that happens in our lives was ordained by God who loves us, our prayers are brought to The Father thru Jesus who lives to intercede for us...if that doesn't make us sleep better at night, I don't know what will!!!

But, in order to believe what the Bible tells us, to trust God fully....YOU HAVE TO OPEN IT AND READ IT! I spent years and years calling myself a believer....and never opening the Bible. In my life this led to double minded living. From years of growing up in the church, I knew what the Bible said, and what God's promises were, but without spending time in a relationship with God, my head and heart were always messed up. Life's challenges felt like punishment, and I could never see how any good would come from the trials I was facing. Things were hopeless, and life was a mess.

I'm just wondering if anyone in this generation would have put in the time and dedication it took Moses and the Israelites to build a tabernacle? Can you think of anyone who would have stepped up? I mean we don't even have what it takes to complete 10 lessons of homework with 14 days to get 5 days completed. I myself have struggles this year to complete the lessons. It feels like toooooo much information every week, my brain is stretched in many directions and without the proper level of quite and peace to get the homework done, I find myself missing key components the first time around. I've nearly done every lesson 2 times just to get the full effect of the day's lesson. Would I have done this if I didn't have to lead....I'm not positive I would have. I may very well have been a drop out. I'm busy. Carving out quiet time is hard.

When Moses learned that every item they had worked so hard to complete for the tabernacle had been inspected and approved, he blessed the people. And you know what those of us who have stuck this year's study out are receiving blessing every week thru the video teaching, and thru the discussions. As hard and time consuming as it has been I would not trade the fact that at this moment in time I have a better understanding of the Bible than I ever have before.

And for me, this study has worked to make the knowledge that Jesus death was for me, even sinner, loud mouth, daily messing it up, ME! Praise God for his perfect plan. He inspired the very lessons we complete, and He knows exactly who needs what encouragement, and then we ask Him to teach us thru His Word each week, and He does!

I'm just saying, I have friends who go to a personal trainer 5 days a week, spending large amounts of cash, and a lot of time, in order to maintain a slim body. I see friends who go to a tanning bed and lay in it for 30 minutes every single day to look tan in the winter. Yet it's hard for us to spend time with God who has a lot more to offer us than a hot, tan body. And I was the same way, and I still am, I spend time I could use to meet with God on a whole lot of useless things. But I praise God for the women who will complete this study with me. It's been a long hard road with a whole lot of blanks to fill in. But the blessings are already obvious.

And next year, as many of you know I will be in Florida, and most likely not yet leading a Bible study, but I will be hunting down a structured study to attend. I will make time in my schedule to go, whether that means changing a work schedule or even, (gasp) taking time out of laying on the beach. God will be a priority to me, and I'm asking my sisters in the Word to hold me accountable for it.

Thank you to each of you who faithfully attend and share your lives. I think of you all often with love, and I will always remember the time we've spent together.

to be profoundly effective in this generation...

2009-03-03T05:59:00.000-08:00

Wow ladies we have been challenged over and over this year thru "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place" to be profoundly effective, and in last week's video Beth Moore pointed out that God calls us to be profoundly effective in THIS GENERATION. She asked, "what are we waiting for?!" Good question.

Immediately my heart began to race, it is how I am made, give me a task, and I'll set out to accomplish something. My mind raced too, with questions; "am I doing enough? what else can I do? am I even mildly effective?".

As this idea of being profoundly effective in my generation bounced around my head the past week, God finally got thru the jumble of noise and activity that is my brain, and I think I'm finally getting a picture of what He means for me to be profoundly effective. Surprisingly it doesn't mean signing up to "do more stuff", it doesn't even mean getting a plan of action together and moving forward.

How am I going to be profoundly effective? It's easier than I oringally thought. I believe that God assigned my spiritual gifts, He thought them thru and gave certain gifts specifically to me. I can already see and believe fully that God will use everything He allows to happen in my life for His good. I believe that Jesus lives to intercede on my behalf to the Father. I believe that my past, present and future has purpose in the Kingdom of God. I will stay rooted in God's word, I will pray and fellowship with believers every chance I get. I will remain in the vine, I will ask the Holy Spirit to fill me up so that I can be a light in this dark world.

I'm re-thinking this effectiveness out...and I'm starting to see that it's not so much WHAT we do, but WHO we are. It's not about volunteering for yet another program, it's not about spending more time doing busy work. God has a plan for every moment of our day....and we won't always know when we've been "profoundly effective". If the Spirit lives in our hearts, if we are full of God's love and pouring that out onto people everywhere we go, then we are the light we are called to be.

We don't need to sit around and wait for the perfect opportunity to be profoundly effective, every moment of every day is an opportunity to let God use us to be profoundly effective in our generation, isn't that cool?!

Jesus lives to intercede for us...

2009-02-24T09:38:00.000-08:00

"Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them Hebrews" 7:25 NIV

"Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them" Hebrews 7:25 KJV

Whether you are in the Tues night group, or the Wed morning group, you will want to clear your schedule to see the video teaching of Heb 7:25 this week.

I usually don't watch the dvd in advance, but something this morning just prompted me to watch it while I got ready for work, and I am so glad that I did.

For me, it is the most meaningful lesson of this study...and wow there have been powerful lessons already. I am so good at asking God "WHY???" In the last few weeks I shared a situation I was dealing with and thru that mess, I was asking God in my prayers, "Why God why do you let people with drug addictions get pregnant and bring babies into this world????....Why and why do you put these people with all this mess into my path??? WHY????"

Through the video teaching this week, I have a better understanding and peace over the why of every single thing. On the one hand I believe God made me this way, and it is partly my nature to ask questions, on the other hand, am I not believing that God's plan for me is in my best interest? Do I really mean it when I pray "Your will be done?" or are those just words?!

I can't wait to discuss this video with you all tonight/tomorrow. Until then, I ask that God would break down the barriers that stand in the way of us getting together, and that He would open our hearts and our minds to what He needs to teach us thru this lesson.

I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart

2009-02-23T10:37:00.000-08:00

Does Community Church put on an awesome Women's retreat, or what?!

Picture pink and brown "kid in a candy shop" theme. Adorable decorations
Imagine a "Sunday dinner" menu; pot roast, mashed potatoes and green beans. Yum.
And a speaker who kept us laughing the whole day with her funny stories and jokes. Truth be told, some of the stories in and of themselves weren't very funny, but Glenna Salsbury finds the joy in all things.

What I appreciated most about Glenna Salsbury was her honesty, and the one thing that keeps ringing in my head is that "Jesus FINDS us!" The parables of the pearl and the treasure in the field were so key to knowing who we are in Christ; sought out, bought with a price, treasured forever. Praise Him.

All of you from WIW know that Gayle De Vries has been struggling with some health issues, but you wouldn't have known it to see her on Saturday. She looked wonderful in her pink jacket, and was just as charming and sweet as always. A mere 3 days earlier after study I told my husband I didn't think she'd be able to pull it off. Wednesday Gayle looked tired, and worn out, but Saturday found her chipper, and bright. Surely God carried her thru the day, and gave her the strength and we are so thankful for that!

Pray for extra blessings for all those hard workers of the retreat committee. They really put more work into that day than anyone ever should, but the results are great, women are blessed and feel special, and God teaches us thru the guest speaker, and hearts are filled with Joy as a result.

On Friday I had given my ticket for the retreat to my mom. After a plea on the previous Sunday for workers, I had decided to serve instead, but each member of the committee encouraged me to sit down and enjoy the day. Thank you for that. I sure did enjoy the day, even though it took quite some time for me to sit still without feeling like I should be doing something. And thank you to Lynae Dykstra too, who, while we were greeting, told me to stop being ridiculous and to relax and enjoy the day. I'm not so good at that, and I really appreciated the nudge to relax. In return I got to give Patty Roodzant the same nudge. She's really bad at relaxing and letting someone else do the work, but I think she finally managed to settle in to the idea also.

Joy is contagious, start spreading some around today. Remember you were bought for a price, isn't that reason enough to be joyful?!

bitterness

2009-02-19T09:03:00.000-08:00

Apparently President Obama mentioned Tonya Harding while on the campaign trail in December. He stated that he wasn't going to pull a "Tonya Harding" on Hillary Clinton just to win the state of Iowa.

In case you lived in a cave back in 1994, Tonya Harding was an olympic figure skater who had a hand in the attack on her figure skating rival Nancy Kerrigan, hiring a couple of thugs to club her in the knee before her performance.

Yesterday I caught the end of an interview with Tonya Harding who was quite bitter about the president talking about her. She spoke through gritted teeth and squinted her eyes while railing the president for using her name when the country is in financial crisis. She felt he should have more important things to do than to bring her name up again.

She was practically spewing venom saying things like "how long do I have to pay for my mistakes" and "how much punishment do you want me to endure".

She's obviously still bitter some 15 years later. How sad. What a different life she could lead could if she would just confess to wrong doing, ask for and accept forgiveness, then move on.

Easy to say when one knows God. In God we have someone to confess our sins to. We can just get on our knees at anytime and tell our Father God how we have sinned. And because Jesus already paid the price for that very sin, we can ask forgiveness, and then we can live in the knowledge that God forgives our every sin, and covers us with grace thru His Son.

The world is not full of grace for sinners. The world seems to enjoy watching someone fall on their face. I think maybe it makes us feel better about our own mistakes when we can look at someone else and point out their faults.

I imagine Tonya Harding is sick to death and tired of being the butt of jokes, and now even the president of the United States has made fun of her by name. I can picture the Obama speech writer thinking "here have the president elect say Tonya Harding because it will help him relate to 40 year olds who remember the Tonya Harding incident!" good one.

Tonya Harding's wound has obviously not been healed, from her demeanor during the interview I saw yesterday, her wound is gaping and bleeding 15 years after the original blow. I remember reading that she was suffering from alcohol addiction some years ago. One could guess she tries to address her pain by dulling it with booze, but that does nothing to heal her original wound.

There is hope for Tonya. No one is beyond God's reach. This has served as a reminder for me, to be thankful that I have a God who forgives my sins and heals my self inflicted wounds. Without Him the wound festers and the blood flows, and it hurts forever and bitterness reigns.

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:13

hard lessons

2009-02-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

I am convinced that there are a certain type of people who wake up each morning determined to make everyone in their path miserable.

Before they open their mouth, the look on their face tells the story; the scowl, the creased forehead, the squinty eyes.

Now I'm not talking about the kind of person who has the occassional bad day or the one who sees the cup as half empty. I'm talking the one who, no matter how sweetly a store clerk might speak to her, can not find nice words to say back.

Well today a woman that falls into the category described above, graced me with her presence. I'm telling you, she was just looking for a fight, and she almost got one.

Let me tell ya, miss crabby pants sure got under my skin today. Twenty nice people can say all nice things, but the words of that one unpleasant person can stick with you all day long! I vented to my poor husband via text message, and he sent one back, it said, "Think of the 200 nice things ppl have said, and remember me and Jesus love u."

Awwww! And then it hit me, oh yeah, that sermon series, yuck I can not and will not forgive crabby lady...she's undeserving! No, we're called to forgive....everyone. And in reality I got pretty snippy with her so I probably could apologize myself.

God sure asks us to live up to big things, doesn't He? I so want to make exceptions to the rule...my mind thinks even Jesus would get annoyed with that lady!!!!

So, I've asked God to help me forgive even crabby pants, and while I was praying I found myself praying for her, asking God to heal whatever inside her makes her so bitter toward the world. Wow that sure feels better than the stewing I had been doing over her unkindness.

God calls us to forgive, he gives us the forgiveness in our hearts, even when we can't muster it on our own, and then peace follows. God's methods are so good and so right!

I know so much more, than back when I knew it all...

2009-02-03T08:53:00.000-08:00

The only station I can get in my shop is a country station, and I just got done listening to a song that had the title of this blog post in it's lyrics. I like it.

Before I even begin this post, it must be said, that I am open to other ideas, and even to those who are in complete disagreement with me on the subject.

Ted and I spent the better part of our marriage bouncing from church to church. Each time we got comfortable something happened that we didn't like. The minute we didn't like something we would use it as an excuse to not attend a church regularly. We were slackers, and we thought church should be all about us.

I know so much more, than back when I knew it all.

Finally God began to take over our selfish hearts, and as we continue to mature spiritually, we are realizing more and more that "church" is not about us at all, it is about God and God alone.

Every church has it's style, and many churches are adopting "mission statements". At Community, we've chosen "Celebrating Christ, Restoring Community" as our "tagline" or our mission statement. To my understanding,even as Community church was conceived the goal was to reach out to the Roselawn community, to those who do not know God.

So what does that mean to those of us who choose to worship regularly in an outreach minded church?

So often worship style and music is at the center of controversy. I remember my parents having discussions about the new Psalter vs the old, and back even further than that, I know that some folks from the "Old Country" were upset when the church started to sing songs in English instead of the familiar Dutch they were used to.

On Sunday we Celebrated Christ with "New music Sunday". We were finishing up our "Live Like You Were Dying" small group series. Our young director of arts and worship explained that the praise group that would be singing, was a small group that met out of a common love for God and music.

The group had lots of guitars and played a much louder and rock and roll version of praise music than most of us are used to hearing in church. These young people are very gifted musically, and for me, it was great to see them praising God in thier style of music. I did realize that I am getting old, because the volume did seem loud to me...when did that happen?!

Anyway, maybe it's because I have a twenty something and teenaged children that I understand how, what seems like loud screeching noise to some people, can be a beautiful expression of praise for a different age group.

Interestingly enough at our small group meeting Sunday evening, there were two families that absolutely LOVED the music of the morning service, and both were families that are fairly new to Community Church, and both were from the Roselawn area.

One thing I love about Community Church is that the goal is to blend the best of the old with the best of the new in regards to worship style, the goal I would guess is to give everyone in such a diverse group of people the opportunity to praise God in their own style. That didn't happen on this particular Sunday, there were no hymns sung, I get why people who are comfortable praising God thru hymns would have been disappointed.

Since we claim to be a church whose purpose is to reach out to the unsaved community, is it possible to see that no, maybe it wasn't everyone's choice of music, but if the loud rock and roll style of music reaches new families, and a younger generation that maybe it could be part of worship services in the future?

I praise God that my 20 yr old daughter has found a contemporary worship service at Moody Bible Church in Chicago, where she feels comfortable praising God in her style of worship. I don't want her to attend a church out of obligation, I want her to feel the Spirit move in her heart as she praises her God. I thank God that Kyle took a chance and introduced a different style of praising God to our church and I thank God that some of our new families really loved it.

You may not agree, but I've decided once and for all that church is not all about me...yes, I need to be fed, I want to be comfortable, and I do enjoy praising God in my chosen style of worship music on Sundays. But the goal is to reach those who do not know God, and since I know our director of arts and worship, and I know that his relationship with God is strong and that he walks close to God, I trust that his heart was in the right place when he chose the music for Sunday's worship service.

In our study of week 5 we learned about worshipping in Spirit and in Truth. In our discussion we talked about how any expression of praise should be a stirring of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. It was said that we should neither raise our hand in praise because everyone else is doing it, nor should we be afraid to raise our hand because no one else is doing it.

Father God may Community Church continue to worship You in Spirit and in Truth. I ask that you move our wants and desires out of the way, and keep our hearts and minds open to the expressions of praise in styles that we are not familiar with. You are the reason we come to church on Sunday, it's not about us, but only about you our God and Savior. Thank you for allowing us to worship with such a diverse group of believers at Community Church, where we can share and learn more about you from eachother's experiences. Continue to use us to reach out to the lost and hopeless who do not yet believe in You. In Your Son Amen.

Josh at Winterfest

2009-02-02T07:14:00.000-08:00

I think this is Joshua's "I'm a little too cool to smile" face but doesn't he look cute? His adorable escort is Lisa Heerema's daughter, Stacy, Lisa attends Wednesday morning WIW.

My little boy

2009-01-31T16:11:00.000-08:00

My baby, Joshua stands at 6'5" tall...and growing. Last night he was the freshman representative for a thing they call "Winterfest" at his school. It's kind of like the homecoming court. Out of the whole class of freshman, Joshua was selected to represent his class. When I got news of this nomination Joshua joked that it must have been because he voted for himself, he's a funny guy.

Joshua has become quite popular at his school. It helps that he has a sister that is a senior, and all her friends are his friends. But a year and a half ago, Joshua wasn't feeling too popular at school.

The biggest kid in middle school was getting bullied. Sounds wierd, but it's true. One day Josh confided in me that a group of kids were picking on him, calling him fat, and physically hurting him. WHAT???? I was shocked! Did I mention he is 6'5" tall?!

Being a little over protective I tried to demand Joshua give me the names of those boys so I could have a word with their mothers, but as you can imagine, Josh wanted nothing to do with any of that. I tried to encourage my little boy as best I could, but this time mom really couldn't fix it.

Ted started teaching Josh some self defense moves that he had learned back in his cop days. Ways to defend himself without starting a fight. Small ways to tell those boys he wasn't just going to take it anymore.

Ted also decided it was time to talk with the principal, so that if a fight broke out one day, the principal would at least know part of the background between the boys.

Joshua's principal was very supportive. He gave Josh some very good advice...he said that although he would love to get those kids in the office right now and punish them, that it would probably make the problem worse. He told Joshua that for some reason those boys had picked him out as a target, and that the boys actually loved seeing Josh get upset. He told Josh in not so many words to defend himself. He advised that if a fight did break out, Joshua would get a punishment but that he would take our meeting into consideration as well.

Slowly Joshua began to make his point nto those boys, and finally the bullying stopped. Thank God!

At parent teacher conferences every teacher told us stories of Josh sticking up for the little guy. Story after story of him standing up to bullies even if they weren't picking on him directly.

Joshua knows how it feels to get picked on, and instead of joining in the bullying as a result he has chosen to stand up for the little guy, and we couldn't be prouder of him.

Isn't it interesting how God can allow something which seems really bad at the time to happen to us, maybe to shape our character and to give us a heart for someone in the same situation?

My camera is not working, but as soon as I get it going I'll post a pic of my "little boy", the gentle giant who sticks up for the opressed.

Here's what we're gonna do...

2009-01-29T10:04:00.000-08:00

It was bound to happen, the Tuesday night group met, and Wednesday morning was canceled due to snow. Not a big deal, but now the two groups are not on the same schedule with videos and homework review...that doesn't work at all for me as leader of both groups.

Here's what I've decided to do:

Tuesday February 3 we will NOT have study
Wednesday February 4 we WILL meet for week 5 discussion

Tuesday February 10 we will meet and watch session 5 DVD
Wednesday February 11 we will meet and watch session 5 DVD

Oh my this is getting so confusing!

Please spread the word to anyone in either group regarding the schedule change.

Thank you in advance for understanding!

Things I learned in California...

2009-01-27T08:10:00.000-08:00

I started a long tale of Tawnya and my trip to California to surprise Kathy on her birthday, but the details are too plentiful, so here is a list of a few things I learned thru the weekend:

1. A 6AM flight out of Indianpolis means leaving your house in DeMotte at 1:45 AM...OUCH.
2. If you leave Indianapolis at 6 AM, it only takes 3 hours to get to California...sweet!!
3. Even if the directions say to turn on Avenue 42, when Avenue 42 is a dirt path, it's not likely to lead to a fancy Palm Springs resort.
4. Alex Vander Tuig is far better at directions than mapquest ever will be.
5. It is impossible to sleep in the daytime when you have a HUGE surprise planned for the evening!
6. It's actually possible to laugh until your face hurts.
7. Reconnecting with true friends takes only moments.
8. The staff at Consuella's Cafe is very kind and accomodating.
9. It can be 80 degrees and sunny in Palm Springs and 60 and cloudy one hour away in Ontario CA. (hard for this Indiana girl to understand!)
10. Walking against the current in a lazy river is harder than the elderly people make it look!
11. 3 friends can fill hours and hours of time simply talking.
12. California pedicures aren't all they are cracked up to be. (my camera won't work, but ask to see my toes and you'll know what I mean!) (oh and Tawnya's are not much better , fortunately the birthday girl's are great !)
13. It's possibly more fun to surprise than to be surprised.
14. Andrew Vander Tuig is hilarious (even if his mom and dad don't appreciate his humor sometimes ;-)
16. Did I mention it's possible to laugh until your face hurts?
17. Without Mr. Swanson to make us laugh, Aaron and I can sit next to eachother in church and not get in trouble (we've grown up a lot in the last 6 months)
18. The road to California is long but not impossible to travel.
19. Friendships don't end when one friend moves away.
20. New friendships bloom when girls travel together.
21. Bryan, Kathy and the boys are a blessing to their church in California just like they were to us in DeMotte, and although I will still miss them and maybe even still get misty eyed from time to time, they are where God has called them to be, and God blesses his obedient children.

Tawnya and I felt your prayers for safe travel and thanked God for you and for your prayers before we left. Thanks for sharing in our excitement and for keeping our surprise a secret.

Special Thanks to Grandma Patty Roodzant for hanging out with the Roody's while mom was playing, and for hooking us up with a really awesome place to stay.

Also thank you to my sweet husband and kids who had the house picked up, a sign welcoming me home, and dinner on the table when I got home. You guys are so great! I am so blessed, thank you God.

My camera is messing up but Tawnya has lots of great pix, I'll post up as soon as I can.

The Eagles Have Landed

2009-01-22T22:43:00.000-08:00

The journey began at 1:45 AM when Cathy found Tawnya waiting in her driveway, we headed South to Indy and had no problems catching our 6AM flight to visit KATHY!!

We arrived in California at 9 AM and spent the longest day of our lives waiting to see Kathy at 7:00.

Check out Kathy's reaction when she was saw Cathy and Tawnya waiting for her at the table!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgFxBSFSXCw

Check back for daily updates.

Thank you so much for all your prayers for safe travel, everything went perfectly!

Finding just the right balance...

2009-01-19T10:50:00.002-08:00

People keep telling me that I am getting too involved with church activities. I find this a curious thing; that another person thinks they know what is a good balance for my life.

Teaching adult Sunday school gives me a great opportunity to grow in my relationship with God. It helps develop the skill of praying out loud, and has given me the awesome opportunity to hear testimonies of God's work in the lives of fellow believers. New friendships have developed, and relationships are growing deeper. The level of sharing is amazing, and we all learn from eachother. God blesses our conversations and we come to understand His Word more and more each week.

Facilitating Women in The Word studies has changed my daily walk with God in so many ways, I couldn't begin to list them. The fact that I now start each day talking to my heavenly Father, thanking him for everything, admitting that I mess things up, asking forgiveness and then asking the Holy Spirit to guide my every word and deed throughout the day, is enough benefit alone, but there are so many more benefits to leading this group. Again, the testimonies of the women in the 2 groups are amazing, we're all on different levels of spiritual maturity, but the common goal is to trust God fully, and to spend enough time in His Word and in prayer with Him that our hearts become fully devoted to Him. Oh and the friendships, and the laughter and the joy we share, and the tears and encouragement freely given...there is a smile spreading across my face as I type this.

Joining a new small group is kinda strange at first. It's so nice to get comfy with people you already know, but what fun it is to hear new perspectives, to learn from the experiences of others, and to develop new friendships. Small group offers another chance to spend some time thinking about God in my life. Do I live like I'm dying...what a great thing to determine before I only have 30 days left!

Three different studies, lots of homework, lots of scripture reading, lots of thinking about the answers to thought provoking questions. What a good way to spend my time.

I think back to my pre-church involvement days and wonder what I did in all that free time. It's amazing that I get everything done at my shop, in my house, and still have time to watch my kids' basketball games and enjoy family time. I believe that my priorities are finally getting in order, and at the top of that list is my relationship with God and that is growing deeper with every turn of the page in my Bible, and in the workbooks.

I have no regrets about how I spend my time. And I thank each one of you who is sharing this journey of bible study and small groups with me, you inspire me to walk closer with God.

sometimes we need eachother

2009-01-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

I LOVED my Grandpa Hoekstra. He was strong, but loving. He grew a garden fit for a king; to die for sweet corn, sugar daddy watermelons and juicy raspberries, my mouth is watering as I type this! I would go to his house and hang out in the yard with him every chance I got. I can picture his yard in my head, perfectly rounded symmetrical flower beds, and rows of flowers along the driveway, planted with care and perfect spacing and height variations, and colors. It was stunning, I wish I could find a photo.

My early years of life were spent on our family pheasant farm. One year all sorts of problems happened, a tornado destroyed all the pheasant pens, next, a bad winter storm hit and the heavy snow collapsed the pens once again. I was young and I don't remember the details of that year, but I do remember that when things got crazy at our house my grandparents always showed up.

I can picture my dad and grandpa out in the yard as they worked as hard and long as it took to fix the situation, and grandma always jumped to action in the house, cooking a meal or making us clean things up. Grandpa and grandma were always there when we needed them. To me, they were the picture of strength.

The day I got my driver's license I wanted to drive somewhere so I decided to visit my grandparents. I walked into the house, and right away I could tell something wasn't right. Grandma hurried me to the kitchen and we had cookies. Grandpa didn't say anything, that was wierd.

I went to give grandpa a kiss as I left and when I got close, I could see tears on his cheeks. WHAT??? Grandpa crying???? whoa, NOT GOOD! I rushed home and told my mom and dad thru hysterical tears that I thought grandpa was dying.

My dad assured me that grandpa was fine, but decided to go and check on him anyway.

You know why my grandpa was crying? Because someone else was mowing his lawn. I'm serious. My grandpa had been sick, and was having some dizzy spells so my grandma forbid him to mow in case he passed out, so the neighbor was mowing it for him.

Part of the reason my grandpa was so bothered about someone else mowing his lawn was that he took great joy in his yardwork, and he didn't like having someone else tending to it. Another part of it had to be pride, right? After all grandpa was the one coming to everyone else's rescue all the time. He was the strong one, and I he didn't like much having someone helping him out.

One of the strongest women I know is sick, and it's driving her nuts! We missed her at study today. She's the one who is always encouraing everyone else, and she is so filled with the Spirit that she knows just the right thing to say all the time, and now here she is, not feeling well. She knows she rests securely in God's hand, but it's hard to stay positive when she knows she's not feeling well, yet doesn't know WHY she isn't feeling well.

Aren't we all like that in some way? We want to be self reliant, we want to go about in life relying only on our own strength. I think of another strong woman in our church who is paralyzed and is forced to rely on everyone for almost everything. I wonder if it gets on her nerves sometimes.

I just wanted to tell my friend that it's okay to rely on others for a change. We're here for you, praying for you and we love you. You'll be back on your feet in no time and this will all be a distant memory. In the meantime, it's ok to be grumpy, moody, in a funk...it's ok, you are allowed to let to your guard down, you are allowed to be human. Remember that God does give us our daily bread...he provides it in just the exact amount we need for that day...all we have to do is get out of the tent and gather it up. WE ALL LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

A sad day/ A great day

2009-01-04T16:57:00.000-08:00

A sad day. Another death at our church. Another man took his own life. Three men from our congregation have killed themselves in four years. I am crushed for our pastor. I don't know if he admits it or not, but I'd guess he feels in some way responsible, although he should not.

I got a call from Pastor on Wednesday telling me about a plan he had to speak to the men in our church. He told me that he felt the need to separate the women to issue a man to man challenge to the men of our church to pursue a relationship with God. He asked if I would be willing to lead the women of our church in prayer upstairs while he spoke with the men.

The Spirit convicted me, I told him yes, but followed it quickly with, "ya know some people aren't going to like it" Yes, he already knew that but he felt that he needed to do it.

On Saturday evening I went to church to pick up some papers, and I met Pastor Joel as he pulled into the parking lot. He asked "have you heard?" I had heard there was a tragedy, I had not heard the details. We lost another man from our church today, he took his own life.

No, it can't be. I asked Pastor Joel if he would survive another funeral of this nature. He replied that he was sure glad that he knows God.

I found the corner in church where I like to hide and pray before WIW Bible study. God, we're going to need you again in a huge way. that was all I could say. I wasn't close with the man who died, but I loved his wife. And I knew what a blow this was to our church body and how hard the next day's service would be. We've been there before, we know what to expect, and it's never easy.

Sunday morning the women did leave the auditorium, and we went upstairs and prayed over the men as Pastor Joel challenged them to thirst for God. Later we circled our men and prayed for them again, and sang as well. The spirit moved thru His people, stirred in some hearts. In a way, it was a great day.

It is precisely thru times of great trial that God shows up and his glory shines brightly thru the thick darkness. Because we believe in a sovereign God who has a plan for us, we rejoice in our sufferings. We know that He is in control. We know that He loves us.

God it is really hard for us to understand your plan at moments like this, but you have proved yourself faithful over and over in the lives of your people from Bible times until today, and we rejoice that again you will be faithful. May you continue to work in the hearts of the men who heard your challenge today. May they see clearly how much they need you in their lives. Break down the great wall of barriers that keeps our men from having a daily relationship with you. You are so amazing, we put all our trust in YOU.

2008

2008-12-31T10:22:00.000-08:00

Many of you are out there reading this and have never posted a comment, today is the time to join in, I expect at least 10 comments! :-)

So, 2008 was not without some challenges, but why dwell on the negative?!

Post up at least one way God has blessed you in '08 and please be specific. Let's honor God for the amazing way he blesses us, especially during times of trial and tribulation.

Finished my homework!

2008-12-30T08:23:00.000-08:00

I finished up day 5 this morning. Something really cool is happening here. There is so much symbolism in the Bible that was completely lost on me until now.

This morning the question was how many loaves of bread were placed on the table in the tabernacle? 12....aha my brain thought 12 for the 12 tribes! And bread, The Bread of Life, brings me back to manna and God's daily provision for the Israelites. So much to think about, so rich in meaning, I love the quiet time spent in God's Word...best part of the day by far! There is so much more than what meets the eye when one simply reads the words on the page! I don't know how I've lived so long without this in my life.

I'm sad that it has taken me nearly 40 years to get serious about studying the Bible, I am eternally grateful to Kathy Vander Tuig for asking me to join her in facilitating a Beth Moore study. Reading God's word and gaining a fuller UNDERSTANDING of what I am reading is changing my life.

I am grateful that Beth Moore does all the work of showing us correlations between passages, but more than that, I am thankful that she reminds us each day to ask God to give us understanding of what we are reading. Without that moment of quieting down and asking God to be with us, it's just another fill in the blank session, more knowledge is good, but God is after our hearts.

When I taught Sunday School years ago, it always amused me that when the kids didn't know the answer to a question, they always went with "Jesus" as the answer. Those kids were on to something...the more I study the Old Testament stories, they all point to Jesus.

It truly is all about Jesus.

Sunday visitor

2008-12-29T08:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday (Sunday) our family had dinner at my dad and mom's house. Isn't it so wonderful when you don't have to rush in the house and cook right after church? Christmas dinner was at my house, so it was a relief not to have to do it all over again.

After dinner we played boggle, Ashley beat us all, that little stinker, she seems to find every single word the rest of us come up with and then a few more obscure ones that we missed.

Shortly after our game ended the doorbell rang, and my dad's friend Fidel had stopped by to drop off tamales, and to wish my parents a "Happy Christmas".

Fidel's smile is a mile wide. My dad met him a few years ago when both he and my husband, Ted, worked loading milk trucks at the dairy farm. Fidel was a manager at one of the barns. My husband Ted (both my father and my husband are named Ted so I'm trying to keep it clear for ya!) hadn't seen Fidel in a long time, and both of their faces lit up and Fidel threw his arms around husband Ted and gave him a big squeeze.

Fidel's english is not so great but he tries hard to communicate and we all just laugh when both of my parents talk LOUDER and SLOWER thinking he might magically start understanding their language if they speak to him as if he were a first grader.

Yesterday we learned to say "babies" when asking him about his kids, even though several of them are grown with their own kids. "Babies" is the word that Fidel knows to describe children. Fidel has 10 babies!!! Wow. He then told us that his brother in Mexico has 16 babies, then he grinned and quietly leaned over and said to my dad, "no too much working in Mexico eh?" Too much free time, means too many babies I guess.

He didn't stay long, but it was a warm and loving exchange and it left us all with grins on our faces. On the way home I remembered a conversation I had with one of my children's classmates not too long ago. The topic of our discussion was racism.

The classmate communicated that he didn't like the Mexicans because they didn't learn to speak english. He reasoned that his grandparents had to learn to speak english when they moved to the United States from Holland, and that the Mexican people should do the same. The boy didn't want to hear any spanish spoken around him, after all this is America for crying out loud!

I wished we had invited that classmate over to my parents house so that he could have met Fidel. I'd guess in 10 minutes, Fidel might have been able to break thru the barriers that exist in the mind of the boy of Dutch heritage.

I have butterflies in my stomach as I type this and wonder if I'll even have the guts to post it. Racism is always such a touchy subject, I tend to avoid the topic as much as possible. But staying quiet does nothing to improve the situation, and I'm not really the type to stay quiet, so here it goes.

As a teenager I was beating a drum pretty loudly to exclaim that I was not a racist, God had created all people to be equal! Easy for me to say since I lived in a bubble, and honestly had never even met someone of a different race, except the kids in my school who were from Korea, that had been adopted by a family in the area. In fact I hardly knew anyone who was a different nationality from me. It was pretty easy for me to claim that I was not a racist when I lived amongst only one race.

And then I joined the bigger world, and I quickly realized that it is a challenge to understand the ways of different cultures and races. Not everyone was like me, or thought like me, or even spoke like me...what an eye opener! Yes, I had racism in me...it was hard to adjust to living with people who were different than I was.

So here I am back in DeMotte again, and a lot has changed! Not all the kids attending the Christian school are "vans" or "stras" isn't that great?! For years my daughter was the only Carmen and now there are dark haired Carmen's all over! Our town what I liked to call "the bubble" is changing, and for the better in my opinion.

I could weep to tell you all how proud I am of my parents. My dad quickly began to reach out to the Hipsanic guys at the dairy farms. He immediately saw his job as an opportunity to shine God's light to people who don't know Him. The first Christmas the dairies were open my dad bought fruit with his own money, and ordered religious tracts in spanish from the Bible League. He bagged an apple, an orange, and a pamphlet into brown paper bags, and went out to the dairy farms during all three shifts to deliver them to every single worker. He shook hands and shouted "Amigo" -friend (the one word of Spanish my dad knows) to each guy and said Merry Christmas, God Bless you with a firm handshake and a pat on the back. He loved them, and they loved him back.

As the number of dairy barns grew, my dad had to enlist the help of others just to get that fruit delivered the week of Christmas, but every single year he got the job done, thru rain, sleet, and snow, early morning to middle of the night he drove his little pick up over the bumpy roads, and delivered that fruit.

This year he had lots of help because "Agua Viva" a Hispanic outreach church has formed, and the pastor, members of the church and also members of the committee that helped to start the church got on board and bagged and delivered the fruit to the guys working in the barns. How fun!

Our kids used to ask us, "why does Grandpa buy all that fruit and give it away?!" Honestly sometimes we wonder too, what drives dad to give of himself so freely when he really doesn't have all that much of his own? It is because he has the heart of Jesus, and he will reap his rewards in heaven. No, my dad is by no means perfect, he'll be the first one to tell you that, but we could all learn how to love one another more through his example of selflessness.

Father change the hearts that need changing. Erase racial divisions between us. Teach us to love the way you love. Help us to see opportunities to shed your light in the darkness. Thank you for Fidel, and for his laughter and his kindness, thank you for my dad who cares about other people more than he does about himself. Thank you for Agua Viva and empower everyone involved to reach those who do not yet know about you. You desire that we all live in your light...all of us...no matter the color of our skin or the language that we speak, use us to accomplish that in Your Name.

Under His wings

2008-12-22T07:30:00.000-08:00

Something made me get out of bed at 4:30 this morning...probably the knowledge that my poor hubby was heading out to face the below zero temps for the day. He spends about half his day inside the heated cab of a semi truck, but with 4 loads today, he will spend 8 hours outside loading/unloading....brrrrrr. I COULD NEVER do his job, I am so thankful that he works so hard to provide for us.

Anyway, so there I was at 4:30 am about to turn on the tv and settle in by the pre lit tree (which is re-lit now) with a cup of minty tea when something made me dig out my Beth Moore study book. All I can say to anyone participating in the study is get it out and do day one today....don't argue about how many presents you have to wrap or cookies you have to bake, just get it out and do it.

If you are going to do day 1 soon, stop reading now. On week 5, after much "laying of the groundwork" which Beth Moore so loves to do, we go beyond the curtain to the sanctuary. We've studied every detail, the materials used to build the tabernacle and the rules the builders had to follow. Finally, we get inside, it will be worth the wait!

I hate to tell you ladies but we have to draw the tabernacle again. I almost had to wake my kids up to help me figure the dimensions. There are all sorts of equations in the margin of my book while I tried to remember how to multiply fractions and stuff. Finally, I got it on my own wooo hoooo!

We learn about the curtains of the tabernacle and how the materials they are made with represent sacrifice and royalty. The top covering of the tabernacle is woven of fine linen, with the colors; blue, scarlet and purple. Exodus 26:1 then tells that cherubim was also woven into the fine linen for the ceiling in part to symbolize the heavenly hosts that surround the throne of God.

We then read from the Psalms, verses that talk about God hiding us in the shadow of his wings.

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge" Ps 91:4

As I read a friend's blog this morning about her struggles with health issues, and as I watch the homeless gather in warming centers to beat the sub zero temps on the news this morning, and as I think about a couple I know who struggle with drug addiction and had their baby taken away by social services last week, I praise God that I live under the feathers of his wings. I praise Him for protecting me and my family, and for providing for us. The knowledge that he loves us enough to save us through the sacrifice of his own son blows me away.

Our study for day one ends with:

"Learn to experience the warmth and protection of life beneath the wings of the almighty."

I haven't been spending much time lately under God's wings, reading and studying his word. When I stray away from Him, I start back on the path of thinking that I have to do everything myself. Why am I like that? I sometimes think I need to not only be a superhero for my family, but that somehow I think I should be able to save the world too. Today, I will bask in the knowledge that God has my back. I am covered and protected, I am safe and provided for, the hairs on my head are numbered, God cares for me. Praise Him!

Guess what I found at Wal Mart?!

2008-12-18T05:56:00.000-08:00

Let's just say Wal Mart is not my favorite shopping destination. Low prices, yes. Relaxing, inviting shopping experience, ummm no. Sam Walton's heirs get way too many of my hard earned dollars as it is, but Christmas baking season is upon us, and that can only mean one thing...a Wal Mart run.

So, I cruised the parking lot looking for an empty space, found one, pulled in, stepped my foot into an ankle deep ice and slush puddle, soaking my shoe, sock, and the bottom of my jeans. The shopping trip was off to a great start.

Crummy attitude in place, I headed to the entrance, and was greeted by a grown woman in a full Santa suit, ringing the Salvation Army bell, dancing around, and singing, laughing, and yelling Merry Christmas to each shopper as they passed by. You can not pass by this woman without a smile spreading across your face! I laughed out loud and she threw her arm around me and said "Merry Christmas Honey" in my ear. Tears sprung to my eyes...where does this volunteer bell ringer, in the freezing cold, get such joy?!

As I pushed my cart thru the produce section, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I'd guess her life isn't all that great, but she's just decided to make the best of it. God Bless her!

The buzz of my "santa" encounter was quickly fading as I manuevered thru the masses of people doing their shopping. Then I saw a little old lady pushing her husband in a wheel chair. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and wondered how that little woman came up with the strength to push that chair around big ole Wal Mart.

I smiled at her, and as she passed me she asked, "hey do you like my shoes?!" I looked down and she was wearing crocs-those rubber shoes everyone says are so comfortable...one green one and one red one. I laughed again, and told her I loved them. Another human, despite her hardship, passing joy onto a complete stranger. Hmmm

What I did not find at Wal Mart was Chex cereal for the Chex mix I needed to make, what I did find, most unexpectedly, was Christmas Joy, right there in Wal Mart.

Yes, the economy is in the toilet, Chicago politics are corrupt, and there is another big snow storm on it's way to the area, but in a week we celebrate the birth of our Savior! I'm gonna try my best to spread some Christmas joy. I don't plan to dance aound the entrance at Wal Mart, or wear 2 different colored crocs, but I will be thankful, I will smile, I will whistle a merry tune, and I will go out of my way to spread joy. Wanna join me?

By the way I did find Chex cereal at Tysen's for only $1 more per box than Wal Mart, you gotta try the recipe on the back of the chocolate chex cereal box, it's delicious and easy:

Click here for the recipe and more yummy snack recipes: http://www.chex.com/Recipes/RecipeView.aspx?RecipeId=44440&CategoryId=342

P.S. Aldi in Crown Point has milk on sale for $1.99 and wheat bread for $.25. Saving money gives me joy!

Is it our responsibility to be nice?

2008-12-16T08:14:00.000-08:00

When we moved into our new residence, we were so pleased to learn that the other side of the duplex we rent is occupied by a pastor and his wife. The day we moved in Ted approached the neighbor guy with his hand out for a cordial handshake. I heard Ted trying his best to chat and introduce our family, but the Pastor looked a little scared, and the conversation only lasted a minute.

Ted said to me, "and you say I'm anti-social??!!" I thought it was a little strange for a pastor, but maybe I'm just used to friendly, outgoing types, and it takes all kinds, I figured we'd get to know them better, and they would see we aren't scary.

Not so. We try to wave and smile when we see the pastor outside, and he honestly won't wave back. Maybe we've offended them somehow? We are kind of a loud and jovial family. We encourage our kids to respect the time of day, with no loud music or TV after 10 pm. And in our defense, I wake up every night when their baby cries. Big shock, Ted can sleep right thru it, but as soon as that baby starts to cry, I'm wide awake...certainly it's a "mom thing".

Even if we were offensive I expect different behavior from a pastor. Can you just imagine the non believer thinking "hypocrite"? If we are Christians, there is a certain level of friendly and cordail behavior expected, right? Love one another being so important and all that?!

So yesterday as I turned on the icy road into my subdivision, I apparently took too long turning the corner, because a big SUV came flying around me nearly clipping the side of my vehicle, honking, and making a rude hand gesture to me. Obviously the teen driving didn't recongnize me from church. Oh well.

Last night at my house I had a little chat with my teen daughter about the example she MUST set on the road. I think she's a pretty decent driver, and she's a laid back kid, so I don't see her as a road rager, but I'd guess she's not above honking at someone annoying. I was telling her that her behavior is on display because she goes to church and calls herself a Christian. I asked her to be mindful of that, so she not set a crummy example for other kids, to do her best not to get that "hypocrite" label.

And the same goes for me in my business. There are some people who must make it a goal to ruin another's day. They come in looking for a fight. What is my response? How do I need to behave as a believer, at times I want to stoop right to their level of crabby-ness but as God changes my heart into a servant of his, the urges to be snotty are fewer and far between. It is less of a struggle to simply shake my head after they leave instead of engaging in an argument. Praise Him!

And even more so, I quickly realize that the offender is probably in need of prayer over something gone wrong in their life. Compassion has taken the place of irritation more and more lately. This journey that God is taking me on amazes me, and I am so thankful for God's presence in my life. Without Him in my heart, I can easily be just as miserable as the rest of the world.

Christmas Potluck Pictures!!

2008-12-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

Christmas Potluck

2008-12-09T18:44:00.000-08:00

Rosa promises pictures soon!

What a lovely evening of enjoying eachother's company and relaxing. Thank you to everyone who to0k time out of their busy schedules to attend!

I appreciate all of you who encourage me, show your support, volunteer to help out...you mean the world to me, don't know what I'd do without you...you know who you are! Love you all!

xoCathy

Oh Happy Day!

2008-12-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

Wow, Singing with Larnell Harris was FUN!!

A choir was put together to sing back up for him at Community Church Saturday night. I thought it sounded fun to be in a choir, so I signed up, a few minutes into the first rehearsal I was wondering "what I was thinking??!!!" It's probably been 20 years since I sang with a choir.

Now that we sing primarily praise music, and with words only on the screen, as opposed to following a musical score, I realized pretty quickly that I have become an extremely lazy singer. Half notes are two beats???....oh yes, it started coming back to me, but very slowly!!

Then I got a cold about 3 weeks ago, and almost emailed Kyle to tell him I had to quit the choir, but instead I went and squeaked thru it with deaf ears and a scratchy throat. And that cold never did go away, so even on the afternoon of the concert I debated about staying home...I'm so glad I didn't give in to my stuffy head and constant tickle in my throat! At one point on stage I almost died of coughing and eye watering, but I said a little prayer, "God can I just please finish this concert?" and he answered with a yes, the tickle subsided.

When Larnell showed up it became pretty apparent that he is "all business" I imagine after one does so many concerts over many years, it becomes mundane, and more of a "job" as opposed to an exciting moment like it was for us. I felt like he was being less than gracious to our poor VOLUNTEER sound guy, and he wasn't overly friendly with us in the choir rehearsal either.

We have a few friends who are "front man" in bands, and I notice that there is a particular quality about a front man....a little bit cocky, they don't like it when the other guitar player's amp is turned up louder than their mic, and in general, they seem a little demanding. Outside of their band life, they are normal folks, but once they get on stage...it's all about them. I think it's part of what makes them successful leaders, that and a desire to have people like them.

Once the lights went down and Larnell got on stage, a different side of him seemed to emerge, and an engaging and sincere Larnell wooed the crowd with his velvety voice. From the smiles of pure joy on the faces of the audience members, I think he connects very well. At one point during the concert when the piano player was jamming out Larnell looked at the choir and seemed to roll his eyes with a sly smile as if to say yeah yeah yeah to Simeon and his show boating. I thought it was cute.

We had rehearsed some songs, but it was really fun when Simeon would look at our choir and mouth that we should sing back up, on songs like "His Name is King Jesus" and "Oh Happy Day". At many different times Larnell interacted with the crowd, he sang, "if you love him say I" to which the crowd bellowed "I"!

A big part of the fun for me was watching the crowd. They did a lot of standing up and clapping. There were some kids in the front row dancing around, and there were some more reserved folks who don't clap, but the looks on everyone's face was priceless, they looked as if they were having a blast!

At the end of the concert there were lots of cheers and hoots and hollers for Larnell. At that point he led us in acepella "O Come Let Us Adore Him" and as we sang the beloved tune Larnell and Simeon snuck out the side door. As if to say, thanks for clapping but let's give the glory to whom it belongs. I found it very moving, and that moment I realized that Larnell may very well be doing a "job" but his heart is in the right place.

On Sunday morning many people were still glowing from the concert, so it wasn't just I who felt the spirit moving in the room. In my Sunday school class I made the comment that during the concert I felt as if I were to have died right then and there, I wouldn't have cared. And my dear friend Carol Zandstra put it so much better, she said "it give you just a little glimpse of what heaven will be like with angels singing and dancing before the Lord." Amen

Family

2008-12-05T08:36:00.000-08:00

I get to meet a lot of different people at my shop, and I've learned that I often take my safe and secure Christian home for granted.

I was chatting with a shopper the other day, and when the door opened, her jaw dropped and her eyes widened as she saw who was walking in the door....she gasped, "my sister!!"

Strange, I just say hi when I run into my sister, but this wasn't the case with these two. They hadn't spoken for MONTHS. You could cut the tension with a knife. I pretended to get busy straightening clothes, and then I heard the 2 year old daughter of one of the sisters yell, "AUNTIE Stephy!" and that little girl just ran full blast to her auntie who stretched out her arms and picked up that little girl and just planted kiss after kiss on her little cheeks. I thought I would bust trying not to clap and say wooo hooo!

The sisters gave eachther a sideways glance, and finally one asked the other "what did you do for Thanksgiving?" The shop is small and there was nowhere for me to hide as the floodgates broke, and one apologized and the other admitted it was a dumb thing to be mad about in the first place. The two stood for an hour and talked about their parents and step parents.

These lovely sisters come from a broken and just plain messed up home, where insults are hurled and fists thrown over Thanksgiving dinner. The tale unfolded between the two of them, how their step mother mis treats them, and their dad always takes her side. Brother in laws hate eachother, and refuse to be under the same roof together, it's just a big ole mess!

As one sister walked out the door she said, "I'll call ya" to the other. As the door shut, the sister still in the store mumbled, "yeah right".

It's so sad to witness broken families in action. As the little 2 year old girl waved bye bye to me as she left the shop I fast forwarded in my mind 20 years, and wondered, what would her relationship with her auntie be like by then, or maybe she wouldn't even be on good terms with her own mom. Devastating.

As my kids grow up, and date I have learned to bite my tongue....both of my girls are technically at an age where their boyfriends could become in-laws, and I don't want to say anything that would hurt my relationship with my daughters should that guy become their husband some day.

So who in your family could you apologize to?....send a note, give them a call, even an email might be enough to break the ice. God forgives us and He commands us to forgive others, isn't that hard to do especially when a family member has hurt you?

Almighty God, even before I was born, you selected a family for me, and I thank you for choosing a family that believes in you. Preserve our families Lord, help us to love one another, and where forgiveness or repentance is neccesarry, change our hearts and fill us with your love so that we may love others as you love us.

Belated Thanksgiving Thoughts...worth sharing

2008-12-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

My buddy Elaine sent this to me via emai, thought I would share it with you.

THOUGHTS FOR YOUR THANKSGIVING TABLE

"Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality." -- Alfred Painter

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'Thank you,' that would suffice."-- Eckhart von Hochheim, German theologian, philosopher (1260-1328)

"The unthankful heart...discovers no mercies, but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!"-- Henry Ward Beecher, clergyman, social reformer (1813-1887)

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say, 'Thank you'?"-- William A. Ward, writer (1921-1994)

"Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone."-- GB Stern, British author (1890-1973)

"The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you."-- John E. Southard

"Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: It must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all."-- William Faulkner, author (1897-1962)

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."-- Albert Schweitzer, Alsatian theologian, physician (1875-1965)

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."-- William A. Ward

"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily."-- Gerald Good

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."-- John F. Kennedy, 35th President (1917-1963)

"I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than have things I cannot appreciate."-- Elbert Hubbard, writer, philosopher (1856-1915)

"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel."-- Anonymous

The wonder of it all...

2008-12-02T07:49:00.000-08:00

Last night at choir practice for the Larnell Harris concert which will take place this week at CCRC, our director of worship and arts led us in devotions, and he talked about spiritual warfare during the Christmas season. He wondered, why is it so hard for us as Christians to enjoy the true meaning of Christmas? He commented that isn't that smart of satan to attack us in this way and to strip us of our joy over the birth of our Savior?!

The passage read was one we all hear a dozen times through the Christmas season, how the wisemen were filled with wonder over the Christ child's birth. YES, the excitement started to grow in my heart!

Even on the recording of Larnell Harris, as he sings "the wonder of it all, oh the wonder of it all, just to think that God loves me...." You can hear the heart behind the words of the song, and it started to seep into my soul a little more deeply. And as we sang our Christmas songs, there it was feeling in my heart behind the words that were coming out of my mouth.

Then on the way home from practice, Shine 89.7 is playing all Christmas music, and I was a little cranky about that in the beginning, but as I left the church parking lot, "Oh Holy Night" came on the radio and I couldn't help but blare it, and the reality of the birth of my savior took over every bit of me, and I just blared that radio and sang at the top of my lungs in praise to my God who loved me enough to send His Son to walk among men and then die!

And I know it's an old concept, but it really sunk in with me, that the moment Jesus was born, I was given the opportunity to become something I NEVER could on my own strength....Wow, that is truly amazing and I am filled with the wonder of it all!

I pray for each of you to be filled with wonder at our amazing, unselfish God as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our Lord. Maybe if we each take just a second to really remember what Jesus' Birthday means to each of us, all the hustle and bustle of the season won't succeed in stripping away our joy!

Lord in heaven there are not words to use that can describe my joy today. You are a most incredible, amazing Father, and I thank you for the gift of your beloved Son. Praise you Oh Lord!

Reminder!

2008-12-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

Despite what the original schedule you were given says, there is NO WIW Dec. 2, or Dec. 3.

Would you please remind anyone you think might not know about the schedule change? Thank you!

Don't forget Dec 9 is our potluck supper to celebrate Christmas!

Pre-lit Christmas

2008-11-26T13:25:00.000-08:00

Every year around the Christmas holiday I get a little mushy thinking about my husband. We met just before Christmas 17 years ago....wow it seems like it was yesterday!

I was a single momma working 2 jobs when I met Ted. If our memory serves us correctly, we met Dec 17, and when Ted proposed on New Year's Eve, I said yes....can you believe that?!

With 2 little girls at home, missing their mom as it was, we didn't go out on many dates, Ted just started to hang out with us; helping me cook, reading stories to the girls, playing barbies etc. Some of my fondest memories of the beginning of our relationship are sitting in my living room in my dinky apartment with the Christmas tree lights flashing talking, talking and talking some more.

I love Christmas and I love live Christmas trees. The first year Ted and I were married, I did what I had always done, borrowed my dad's truck, went to the Christmas tree farm with the girls and picked out the fullest tree we could find.

When Ted got home from work I had the tree in the house already and the tree stand all ready for Ted to help me set it up. The look on his face was priceless....I remember him saying "we have a real tree?????" as if it was the most crazy idea ever.

At one time Ted's family may have had a live tree, but in the later years of life, (Ted's dad was 50 when Ted was born) they had an artificial tree, so Ted had no knowledge of setting up the tree, but as I left for choir practice, he vowed that he would attempt to set up the tree.

I started to giggle as I pulled into the driveway and saw the VERY crooked tree through the front window. I tried to keep my face straight as I walked in to a very frustrated husband sitting on the floor in front of the tree.

Upon closer inspection, I saw that my tree was being held up with bungee cords stretched across the room and attached to window sills and things. Try as I might, the eyebrows raised, and I'm sure the "not good enough" look crept onto my face.

Ted claims I picked the world's most crooked tree. If he could chime in here he would tell you that the tree trunk had a 90 degree angle...I have yet to hear the end of it for picking a bad tree.

I'll admit, it wasn't the easiest job, but I spent the following day getting that tree set up minus the bungee cords, and it turned into the most beautiful tree we've ever had. Every visitor and neighbor commented on how great the tree looked....it was truly a beauty.

Today I set up my pre-lit Christmas tree. Once I started my own business, I ran out of time for the live tree set up. Each year as I set up the pre-lit I mourn the live trees of years ago, and it occurs to me today that we have become a society that wants everything EASY and quick

Even in our relationship with God, we want to have those quick prayers, and spend an hour at church on Sunday (you know when the pastor is preaching longer than an hour and everyone is checking their watch? heaven forbid we spend more than an hour a week in worship of our God!)

Why do we as Christians let ourselves believe that easy always = good and hard always = bad? It occurs to me that sometimes the hard things will produce the better results. When you put some time into something, it's just sweeter in the end. You can see the rewards of your time and effort. and there is greater satisfaction.

Isn't it the same with God? The more we study His character, and those stories in the old testament that show us how God worked, the sweeter our relationship with God becomes. The more time we spend in God's word, and in daily relationship with Him, the more in awe we will become, the more we will grow to love him and our faith will increase.

I know how hard it is to get 5 days worth of homework done for this bible study, but so many women are telling me that it is SO WORTH the time and effort. We are growing closer to our Father, and he is blessing our study each week. Praise Him for that!

Maybe next year I'll ditch the pre-lit Christmas and go back to the real Christmas tree that I loved so much. I think it will be worth the extra work.

In our small town?!

2008-11-24T09:32:00.000-08:00

Unless you live under a rock, you have probably heard about a home invasion and attempted rape that happened right in our little town of DeMotte.

Yesterday the kids were forwarding a picture of the suspect via text message on their cell phones. Have you seen the picture? If you want to see it follow this link: http://kvonline.info/articles/2008/11/20/news/news01.txt

When my daughter showed the picture to me last night, it took my breath away...the picture shows what is in my view a boy. Not a creepy looking old guy, no... this kid looks like every other high school kid to me.

My heart goes out to the woman in the story. She is my same age, and to wake up with a strange guy in her bedroom?....she must be devastated, how will she ever sleep soundly again?!

But my heart also weeps for this person who looks like a kid that somehow in life didn't learn the boundaries. What kind of breakdown in the family system must have occured to make this kid think his behavior was okay. I just have to wonder.....who hurt him so that now he wants to hurt others? Or maybe he's from a perfectly normal family and his addictions make his terrible actions seem okay in his warped mind.

While a little bit of fear has crept into my normally secure home over this would be rapist on the loose, I am more concerned about the state of our children in general. With all the killing and mayhem any kid can watch on prime time TV any hour of the day, and with video games that promote killing and picking up hookers in most houses, is it really any wonder our society is turning out kids who don' t know how to behave?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving anyone an excuse for horrible behavior, but I am taking a little closer look today at what is seen and heard in my house. As for the boy in that police sketch who is accused of rape, I can not fix him, I can not save him, all I can do is pray that somehow this kid will first of all get clean, see the errors of his way, and come to salvation. But I can do something in my house, for my kids, even though they think they are grown, I am still the mom. Tonight will be a cleansing, and my husband will be happy to know that I will no longer be on the side of our kids who bug him constantly about getting satellite tv. The 3 channels we currently get are bad enough.

Let's pray for not only the victim in this horrible situation, but also for this kid who is accused of doing something so vile.

Praise to God for a Living Hope

2008-11-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade-kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shieldedby God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire may be proven genuine and may result in praise, golory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:3-9

I was thinking to myself...what posesses me to post my personal issues on the World Wide Web for all to read???

Well, here's the deal...I don't really like having you all know how weak I am, but today I am glad that I can tell you all this: Last night I became "me" again. Happy, joyful, fun, and friendly me. I'm telling you none of the things that had me so up in arms yesterday have been resolved, my kids are still growing up, I didn't move into my dream house, and well I am happy to report that SmartyPants had a really good day, and maybe we won't end the month down afterall.

NOTHING has changed in my surrounding, but that joy that comes only from God has returned, because I know that every moment of my life is ordained for his glory. I know that although I try to do everything myself, he is right there waiting for me to trust him. He truly carries the burden when I let him.

Thank you Lord that your mercies are new each morning, or each evening, even minute to minute I think. Thank you that you hold me up because I am too weak to stand on my own. This world isn't offering a whole lot of peace and joy these days, but Father you have given to us your Son; King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Prince of Peace and I humbly thank you.

wow

2008-11-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

Unconfessed sin....carrying around all my "garbage" and not giving it over to God...trying to be superwoman....over committing and then getting upset when everything isn't perfect...avoiding the truth...

Feeling overwhelmed...mourning losses...fearing change...losing sleep....giving up in defeat...

It's been an interesting morning. Yesterday at bible study a friend told me about her excellent health report from the cardiologist. This excellent report was in large part if not totally due to my friend's exercise at Curves. Praise the Lord!

It got me thinking back to maybe 5 or more years ago when I was on a health kick. I walked 4 miles at least 5 times a week, did tae bo, yoga, pilates, weight training, step aerobics, you name it in my basement too. Ate healthy. I felt amazing. I remember waking up to stiff muscles and thinking oh that feels so good! Knowing I had challenged myself and pushed myself to be healthier gave me great satisfaction.

I was thinking it's been a LONG time since I even walked around the block, probably a month. And eating healthy?.....let's just not go there okay?!

So this morning I put on some layers and what my family refers to as my "happy place hat" because it's furry and fun and every time I put it on I act like a wierdo. And I headed out to at least feel that my heart can pump blood through it.

I rounded the first corner, and tears started to stream from my eyes. Didn't even feel it coming, but there it was a little meltdown.

In yesterday's video teaching and in our 5 days of homework the idea of unconfessed sin was discussed. I wasn't sure what that meant. I think I ask for forgiveness every time I pray so I was thinking....I'm good. Until Beth Moore said something about throwing ourselves onto God. Her daughter had prayed "I offer myself to you Lord" and then realized the state she was in, and she changed that prayer to "I throw myself onto you Lord".

And then as we closed the teaching, we had a time of silent confession...Beth Moore urged us TELL GOD tell Him about your mess, tell Him who has done you wrong, tell Him how you feel, TELL HIM!

I was getting a better picture of what she meant by unconfessed sin, but I wasn't ready to face God that way. Until I left the quiet and comfort of my house this morning, and there on the road in the neighborhood I just moved to, there it was on my heart so heavy I couldn't ignore it.

All that "stuff" I hope you don't mind, I have to call it crap, it is the only word that works in this situation, just a load of crap weighing me down. Stuff I think I can deal with on my own, until it all backs up and my shoulders are so tight and my neck so stiff I could barely lift my head off my pillow this morning...felt like I had whiplash.

Have you ever had whiplash? I got it once when I was in two accidents in one day in GR Michigan. That's a story for another day. Anyway, your brain sends the message to lift your head off the pillow, but the neck muscles or the spine or whatever just simply does not cooperate, it's wierd.

So there it was pouring out of me, stuff I didn't know was bothering me.

On the surface, I am overwhelmed by too much on my calander. I was incredibly frustrated yesterday as I told the morning group that we would not meet for study the month of December and some women didn't think that was a good idea. I had spent a lot of time and made several phone calls trying to work out the best scenario, but try as I might, I can not please everyone. There are over 55 women who come to WIW and accomodating everyone's needs is overwhelming me to say the least. I practically snapped at one woman who I love very much and I hope she is reading this and accepts my sincere apology....it wasn't you Lauri, it was me...I'm truly in over my head these days.

If you had asked me yesterday, that would have been my story, I'm too busy, I'm overwhelmed, I am weak and I can't handle the responsibility.

This morning God showed me all kinds of things that are REALLY tossing around in me that I have not asked God's help with. You know the superwoman thing...I can handle it I can handle it I can handle it....maybe, but I'm not handling it well.

I'm just going to tell you some of my issues, I don't know why I am sharing this stuff but maybe someone reading this is about to explode like I am, and maybe something I say will help you see what's got you crazy and you can take it to God or throw it onto God like I did this morning.

I am missing my house. Can you believe how shallow I am? Ok, it's not the house, we lived there 14 years, it was cozy and cute and comfortable and it was HOME. I miss the hardwood floors and I miss my 50s kitchen and the 4 inch moulding...I miss it.

I don't like living in a neighborhood. I hate looking outside and seeing railroad tracks...hate it. I want to be back on the farm. I want to open a curtain and see the woods, the sky, the corn, I don't want to look at the neighbor's car and I sure don't want to hear their thumping bass music every minute...I want to hear those birds squawking at 6 am. I miss them, I miss nature, I miss the country.

I hate that my son lives in the basement. He seems to actually prefer living down there, but I hate it. It's ugly.

I hate it that there is no bedroom for my college daughter....and while we're on this subject...I hate it that she doesn't live at home anymore. I hate it that she's grown up. I hate it that I can't see her every day. I know the alternative is failure for her, I know she's succeeding in life and YES that is what I want, but I don't want to let her go. She is my baby, she is my world. When things were so very screwed up and wrong in my life her face and her smile were the ONLY thing there was to live for. I can picture her standing in front of the refrigerator 6 cracked eggs at her feet one oozing between her fingers and this look on her face saying "check this out these things are so cool!" She always made me laugh.

I could never have predicted how hard it is to let go of her. We fought most of her high school life. She is so much like me that we can't agree on anything, know what I mean?! So why is it so painful with her gone?

And then there is Ashley. The heart and soul of our family. Everyone's best friend, the cheerleader, the encourager, the sunshine every morning. The one who tells the jokes and gets the laughs, the one who cares and loves. I took her on a college visit this week. Guess what, I hate it that she's graduating. I hate it that she won't live with me either. I don't want her to go. I will miss her. It feels like my arms are being cut off. I had no idea it would feel like this.

And the baby Joshua...he's in high school. At the moment he isn't causing me too much grief, I've still got him under my wing...but don't even talk to me in a few years. I didn't sign him up for preschool until Ted MADE me do it. I doubt sending him into the world will be any easier than it is with the girls. And he's talking military after high school....yeah, let's just not even talk about that now.

My FAMILY is changing. I guess I'm having a very difficult time accepting that. I didn't realize I was, but as I got it out to God this morning, there it was, I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm helpless to stop the days from passing until we are all seperated.

The last 3 weeks have been the worst weeks in 5 years at SmartyPants. I think the recession is finally hitting us. Until this month, we had an increase from year to year. Unless there is a miracle in the next week, we will show a decrease. Who cares right? I realize that smartypants has become part of me. If it fails, I've failed. Not great thinking but there it is. I'm failing!!!!

I've had nothing but employee drama, and major mistakes have been made in pricing and dealing with customers, oh and one was stealing, that doesn't help either. I hate being the boss, I really hate firing people. I want to do nothing for a week, stay in my pajamas on the couch.

Ashley texted me asking how the store did yesterday. I told her I was ready to close it up. She said OH NO, you aren't going out like that, we don't fail mom. She's right, we don't fail. So facing the day wondering if people are going to shop is hard. Failing in business is not failing in life but I'm scared of failure. I don't want to fail. So the pressure is on to figure something out, find a way to attract customers...yeah, no easy task when the world is broke.

As I type this, I just got done ringing up a huge sale, and my customer raved about the shop on and on....thank you God for this bit of encouragement.

These things weigh on me, and this is just the tip of the iceberg....I have tried to just face them alone, you know, giving myself pep talks, yes praying about them a little, but just the surface, as if God can't see right thru me anyway, I haven't been willing to let it go. I always think I need to deal with my own crap.

I praise you God for showing me my own heart today. I know that all of this is part of your plan for me, and I believe that your plan is perfect. Yeah, I guess I'm throwing myself onto you for mercy today, and I know that you will cover me. Thank you.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

2008-11-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

Well, it's always interesting to learn that when I feel completely overwhelmed by life, there are many others right there with me feeling the same way.

Is it the approach of the Christmas season that has us stressing? Watching the calander fill up, writing lists of things we'll need to purchase and wondering where all the money will come from to pay for it, or maybe it's the gloomy weather.

I spent the beginning of this week praying for a new attitude. I knew I needed a fix, but I wanted it quick, and you guys might have noticed, I'm not a great listener, I generally like to do the talking. So pray as I might, that quick fix just didn't happen.

I love facilitating WIW studies at church but this lousy attitude had started to creep into me and had so overtaken my normally cheerful self that even people at my shop were worried and asking what was wrong. Am I that transparent?!

I'm guessing the main root of my problem is this cold I have that just wants to make me stay in bed all day. Nonetheless, I headed to bible study Tuesday night knowing full well the women would see right through me. Just before we started the lesson I popped what I thought was a normal cough drop into my mouth only to discover as I tried to say tabernacle and it came out taberblabble that what I had put into my mouth was a chloriseptic drop which would numb my tongue and throat. Lovely.

So with a lousy attitude and a completely numb tongue I bumbled my way thru the first bit of study until we came to the question that dealt with our "pitchers" getting empty, making us unable to "wash the feet of others". And the conversations just flowed. We are all feeling overwhelmed or have been in the recent past. We all get in over our heads and we all struggle to keep a focus on what is important. We skip our one on one God time because we think we are too busy, and then we throw up our hands in distress over how empty we feel. Have mercy on us Lord, we are so human.

Wednesday morning the conversation turned the same way (perhaps I led it that way?) we're all just too busy, and all the busy work sucks the joy from our lives. One of the women in the group who I admire more than she'll ever know, simply walked up to me silently, and handed me a piece of scrap paper:
Being
Under
Satan's
Yoke

Oh yes, that is exactly how it feels. I want to cheerfully serve in my church, work in my shop, sing in the choir, watch my daughter's basketball games, help my son with his homework, cook, clean, do laundry but the yoke seems really heavy at the moment, I am too busy and in my view there is nothing I can stop doing to make me less busy.

So yesterday after bible study I went home, turned off my phone (wow right?!) and slept for 2 hours on the couch. When I woke up I started humming the hymn;
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
and the things of earth
will grow strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace.

Oh yes, there it was, the truth in a song. So strage that I can hear the same thing thru the Bible, words spoken by my fellow believers and in my heart I already knew the answer, but somehow there it was, just how I needed to hear it.

I can't stop living in this world, I can't hide from my responsibilities, and I can't be a crab forever.

The only thing I can do is turn to Jesus, and bask in the light of His glory.

Praise God I feel "normal" today well except for the stuffy head and soar throat but somehow it seems tolerable today. Thank you to The Great Physician who knows when we hurt and how to heal us.

Be careful what you pray for

2008-11-06T15:28:00.000-08:00

This week's video teaching for "A Woman's Heart; God's dwelling place" by Beth Moore was certainly a "thinker" for me. Indeed I say that every single week, I think because I know I will watch it twice, so the first time I hear what is said, and then I have a sometimes sleepless night to contemplate what I've heard before I head back to church and watch the video the second time...then it really starts to mean something to me.

There are several issues that I could ramble on about from this particular video, but I'll just stick to one for now.

I do not have my workbook in front of me right now, I'm at work, and I'll just admit this is a great time for me to get computer stuff done b/c it looks like I'm "working" if I'm typing feverishly on the keyboard. Anyway, here is the gist of it. In Exodus 33 Moses asks God to show him His glory, and God answers him by saying I will show you my goodness. Okay, like I said I don't have my workbook with me, and I'm no Beth Moore in the transliteration department, but in the original Hebrew language the words used in that passage, God's goodness, and His glory are interchangeable.

In our group we talked about things we hear often from Christians, we say things like; "be careful what you pray for" or "don't pray to God for patience because He'll make you go thru something difficult to increase your patience". Is it risky to ask God to show us His glory? As believers we really shouldn't be saying things like this. What we are saying is... well we want to see your glory God but on our terms and we don't want to have anything bad happen to us, and don't make us suffer but yeah, show us your glory k?

Now why would we do that? My way of doing things can never compare to what God can do....those things we say.....are not exactly huge statements of faith are they?

So maybe I've missed the mark here, but what if we as Christians accepted that God's glory is interchangeable for goodness. What I'm saying is, I've seen situations that bring glory to God that I would not have characterized as God's "goodness". One harsh example is when a child dies, if his parents believe that the child is in heaven, and they keep their faith in God, that brings glory to God...but would we ever say the death of a child was an example of God's goodness?!

Or struggles in my own life, I would never have characterized them as God's goodness, not in a million years, but in the end, realizing my sins, confessing them and now serving God brings Him glory...so what I'm saying is I'm feeling this attitude adjustment coming on for me. Some of the worst times in my life where some of the best examples of God's goodness and glory.

I don't think I'm articulating this thought very well, but maybe some of you will relate to what I'm trying to say. All I know for me, is that something in my heart has changed this week. I see things in my own life and in the world at large a little differently today than I did yesterday. I love when God just flips a switch for me. A whole lot of heart changing comes slowly and sometimes it's a light bulb, you all know I'm not a terribly patient person, so I praise God today for the light bulb version this time.

The Rebel Church

2008-11-03T15:26:00.000-08:00

I'm surprised at how many people I meet at Community Church who have had a time away from formal worship. For many of them, they had a period of sin in their lives, addiction, or some other "obvious" public sin, and they felt the judgement of church members. The end result was hurt feelings and a distaste for church.

I myself have experienced this same thing when I was an unwed pregnant teenager. In order to get married in the church, I had to appear before full council. I'm not sure what they called this meeting but I always felt as if I was confessing my sin to the elders. To this day it remains one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

I jumped through the hoops set before me in an effort to spare my parents even more shame if I didn't get married at all, or if I married at the justice of the peace. I stood in front of the long table filled with the faces of my friend's dads as they went around the table and each one got to say something to me.

I remember one of them saying, "I'm just making sure that you know what you did is a sin and God hates sin." Yes, I was already pretty aware that I had messed it all up...the disappointment on everyone's face was proof enough of that.

Just recently as I waited in line at the gas station I saw one of the elders I had to face over 20 years ago. He put his arm around my shoulders and said "how you doing Cath?". He asked about the kids and smiled warmly as I told him they were all great. Sometimes I wonder if he even remembers that day when I stood in front of council, I would guess he doesn't. Or maybe he does, and that is why this big grumpy guy takes time to say hi to me everytime I see him.

For me, what I felt as judgement by my church, sent me into a tailspin of guilt and regret. It was as if at that very moment I ceased being a chosen child of God. Even when I did attend church, I no longer believed I was part of the family of God, why would He want me as a member? That guilt then turned into blaming God for my problems and I was just done with it all...too much pain, too much guilt, it was easier to run away.

For others, as they tell their story of deep wounds inflicted by the church, the bitterness creeps back in, and in their words you can hear that there is still deep hurt.

So why do so many prodigal children end up at Community? Our pastor once called Community "the rebel church" from the pulpit. I thought, well no wonder we finally fit in here!!!!! I thank God for Community church. He has used the members of Community to heal some pretty deep scars that never would have healed if left unattended.

Whatever it is that makes Community the rebel church, I say keep up the good work. A whole lot of folks just like me end up worshiping and serving in that rebel church, Praise God!

As for me, I know of a prodigal child right now. I don't know for sure what to do or what to say, but after talking with some people who suffered deep wounds from feeling judged by their church, the Spirit has moved me to contact her. I will write her a note and tell her I'm thinking about her. Her current living situation doesn't jive with the way the Bible tells us to live. I am certain she is either feeling guilty or bitter. If God can heal my scars, He can heal hers too, and if I can be part of that, I'm going to do my best to reach her, and show her God's love.

Ted recently shared a sermon he heard on Moody radio, it was that pastor from Scotland...have you guys ever heard him? The point of his sermon was that as a church, the goal must be not to produce prodigal children. He talked about the tatooed and pierced, and the kids who don't look as if they fit in, and how so often those kids don't find acceptance at church and wind up taking a wrong path to feel accepted.

Community Church does a superb job in my opinion of loving everyone, Thank You God providing a place for the lost to feel your love, help us to be aware of those who are hurting and fill us with your love so that we can love even the sometimes unloveable. You are so good Lord.

At the risk of being unpopular

2008-10-30T13:36:00.000-07:00

I am going to address our discussion time for WIW this week.

The purpose of this particular discussion time is to share what God has shown us through the study we have completed that week. Each day of our homework starts with a suggestion from the author to pray that God will open our hearts and give us understanding. Once we have asked God to lead us through the study, we start reading passages and answering questions, but let's never forget that it is God who gives us insights and shows us our hearts.

I love a lively discussion as much as anyone, and I agree whole heartedly with the fact that we as Christians should be involved and active in issues that affect our world.

Father God I pray that you will lead and guide our discussions for WIW. It is our desire to always keep YOU at the center. Thank you for opening our eyes and giving us understanding through your Word. We so enjoy the tabernacle study and how this study bridges the Old Testament with the New. Your word is so complete and full, nothing we think or feel could ever compare. In the name of your precious Son, Amen

Holy is the Lord God Almighty....

2008-10-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

the earth is filled with your glory...

Sunset on Siesta Key beach October 21, 2008.

Something wierd is happening here...

2008-10-23T20:38:00.001-07:00

So this week I am in Florida, I heard it was 40 degrees at home this morning...it was 85 here today...not trying to rub it in or anything ;-)

I would like to say I am enjoying the time away from the daily grind and work hassles, but well, I have this little shop...and it is run by this lit up box...oh wait, I think the lit up box actually runs the shop...and it's cranky owner...and although I am like 4 states away from home, that stupid box, and this little joy that lives in my pocket called a cellular device are ruining my fun.

I arrived in Florida on Monday afternoon, and Ted and I met up with his sister and her husband who happened to be visiting Florida but live in New Jersey for dinner. We don't get to see them often enough, and sitting in the sunshine on the deck of Bahama Breeze restaurant, overlooking the gulf, listening to beachy tunes and laughing at the top of our lungs was the highlight of our trip so far.

I was put in charge of planning a mini conference for some members of the National Association of Resale and Thrift Shops, an organization I belong to...so that means this year conference is on the BEACH!!! We stayed at an adorable little compound off of Siesta Key beach in Sarasota Florida. 5 mini cottages painted Florida colors; flamingo pink, bright yellow, and my personal fav. turquoise. The cottages are decked out with quirky "Florida" antiquey things, and being resalers, we all enjoy the funky nature of our dwelling place. It is less than a block's walk to Siesta Key Beach...world famous white sand beach...it is truly a sight to behold as the sun sets on the water...amazing.

I was told that a condo on the beach in Siesta Key will run ya about 5 million bucks, so I've been hanging out with a lot of rich elderly people the last few days. I feel just a little out of my league in some ways, but mostly, I am meeting just regular people...yeah they seem to have some spoils in life, like the couple riding their personal segway scooters on the beach...but they are warm and friendly and they smile and take time to chat...they are retired...they are not stressed out over money...they are all tan...life is good.

I'll make a long story short here, the lit up box that runs my life got a virus...aww poor baby got sick...one of my employees downloaded some stuff she shouldn't have, and I nearly lost the hard drive. (Know anyone looking for a part time job?) So, my poor mom, who does not love the little box very much in the first place, called while I was drinking fresh squeezed orange juice with my honey at an outside table, of a cutesy little breakfast place.

What to do...no computer...it has to go to the computer Dr. next door to get treatment for it's newly aquired virus. I don't know how it takes so much effort and time for us to figure out that we could probably do something so silly as to add things up on a calculator and make change without the box's input, but eventually we come up with that brilliant plan, and it all works out in the end.

Mom did a great job of handling the situation, and I got a little smarter, and turned off my cute little cellular device.

I'll just stop that story right there for now, but I'll fill ya all in on the rest of the conference events sometime soon.

So here's the wierd part. While I am sitting with dear friends I get to see twice a year at best, talking shop, learning really good stuff to help improve my business, ON THE BEACH (I'm a fan of the beach if you haven't noticed) I start to get this funny feeling. I'm a little lonely. It is Tuesday night and I miss my Women in the Word. I miss their laughter, and all the great insights they share with the group. I wonder how their week is going, and I just MISS them greatly.

And Wednesday morning, I actually shed a few tears (I should probably mention that pms may play a small part in the tear shedding, lest you think I'm a hopeless case) I need my fix of the women in my life, who share their hearts with me, and even more, I need my fix of God's Word which I suddenly realize has been absent nearly all week long.

Heavenly Father, all I can do is give you thanks and praise for the work you do in our hearts through WIW. You have taught me the true meaning of the Family of God thru the love of my sisters. I needed that lesson, I needed these women, and as always You knew what I needed long before I did. You are so awesome. Thank you...

Accountability is that really what we want?

2008-10-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the video teaching on all the lessons we can apply to our own lives found in the story in which God provides for the needs of the Israelites in the desert through daily manna in Exodus 16. It was the third time I watched it, and I could really watch it again.

I think what amazes me most is that I've learned that manna story a million zillion times, read it over and over and over...yet here I am, with a whole new level of respect for God and the way His plan is so perfect, so good, so wise, and so complete. I am humbled not only by God and who He is today, but I am humbled by the sheer power of THE WORD.

How many times have we prayed "give us today our daily bread" without relating that to the manna story? Am I just out of the loop? Did you all learn that and maybe I ditched that Sunday school day? I will never pray the Lord's Prayer the same way again.

Me, of oh so many words, I just can't even fit all of my feelings about this lesson onto any number of pages.

Anyway, in our Tuesday night group, the word accountability was thrown around a lot, as we discussed the way our God is a daily God. One of the points in our book was that we had an objection to God's DAILY approach to relationship.

Objection, I thought that seemed a bit harsh...do we really OBJECT to God's daily approach, don't we just run out of time, and have too many distractions, and okay so maybe we are just a bit full of ourselves, but do we really OBJECT to it?! Well, yeah, I do object when I simply do not allow God to be the center of my life. I am guilty of objecting to God's daily approach.

Something about holding eachother accountable wasn't ringing right in me. Do you guys have that? prickling that says hmmmmm let me think about that some more. Well, I've been thinking about the notion that we need to hold eachother accountable or even that we need to hold ourselves accountable to have daily relationship with God.

Here are my thoughts on the subject, I don't mean to step on any toes, but I think we might be missing something big here.

I am so good at guilting myself. Those of you who know me are shaking your head uh huh right now. So, I can so clearly see that tendancy to say okay, I just know I want this daily relationship with God, but I'm probably gonna mess it up, like I always do, I haven't been a faithful Bible study girl in the past, I'm a bit of a slacker sometimes and I'm just downright really busy and distracted....and...and...and...I need to be held accountable for this Bible study, so that I get my daily bread. I can really see where this accountability talk comes from, but...

I guess I'm not seeing daily bread defined as this WIW Bible study, or a daily devotional book, or even in studying the Bible every single day thinking that will be our relationship with God.

I'm afraid we might be getting a little hung up on thinking that this Bible study is the sum of what a relationship with God is. Doing the 5 days of homework in our workbook will certainly bring us closer to God by studying his character, and learning new meanings to words which gives whole new meanings to familiar Bible passages is wonderful, and seeing ourselves in the Israelites struggles is bringing it to a whole new level. But what we really want in our lives is not on the pages of a workbook, right?

We want a changed heart, we want God the center of everything we do, and I don't know how I can hold you accountable for that.

I feel like I'm writing and writing words and not getting what I'm feeling across, so here is my story again, it seems the only way I can express this.

When I was growing up I looked just like you would want your kid to look. I sang in choir, I didn't even miss night church, I knew the answers to the questions and I'm a very good communicator, so I'm sure I sounded like I had it all together in the "God" department.

Looking back, I was pretty shallow. I walked the walk and OH YES I could talk the talk (we all know I can talk) by about the time I turned 18, it was pretty clear that I did what I wanted to do without even a consideration of what God would have wanted me to do. I was a big huge fake in the relationship with God dept. I made all kinds of bad decisions, and ended up in a big ole mess.

Then I had the nerve to blame God for all the things wrong in my life, and I was downright turned off from God all together. Oh, I occupied a pew on Sunday, but only the morning to protest and only out of some deep rooted obligation and mostly probably because I knew my parents would raising their hands for prayer requests for me at church on Sunday night if I didn't at least sit in the dumb pew, how embarrassing. So there I sat, me and my big ole chip on the shoulder and crummy attitude.

So how does the girl I am describing end up leading a Bible study?! I admit I am that exact same girl, and I have no powers of transforming myself. I didn't do it. No amount of joining a Bible study, and filling in blanks could ever have changed me the way God has changed my heart.

So I'm not saying it's not good to be held accountalbe, but I am wondering out loud here...is that what we are really after? Do we still want hearts that need to be held accountable for a daily relationship with God?

I see where I have come from....to where I am now in my relationship with God, and I am quite clear that I am not responsible for that, I take no credit for attending Bible studies, or learning more info. The thing that changed for me is my very heart, who I am, what I believe, I am powerless to change that in myself, else I would have been perfect all along, right?

And I think it's impossible to "show" someone how to change their heart. I thank God that just the complete 100% change in me was so drastic that I had no other option than to accept that I didn't have anything to do with it. This new heart was a pure gift, unearned to this very day, and my excitement for God and learning His Word is out of just knowing that A. I don't want that old heart back, and B. just pure amazement at a God who can completely change my heart. I'm stubborn....it was no easy task, kicking and screaming all the way with a million excuses and a whole lot of attitude. If God can change my heart, I really want to see what else He can do, and so I read about Him, I talk to Him, I worship Him, not out of obligation in any way, I want to do it.

So I say to all of you who are occupying a pew, or filling in the blanks of a workbook for the sake of being accountalbe for doing so, STOP right now, and just ask God to change your heart. He's got this amazing and beautiful plan for your heart and your busy work won't earn it, you are going to have to trust God to purify and change it and make it clean for you, and then you'll want MORE of Him, not just at church or in Bible study but every day, every hour, every minute. You want HIM in your heart.

I am grateful that praying and study the Bible for me, is a response to what God has done for me, and not out of obligation or because I feel accountable for doing it, and I pray for that for each of you.

Okay, sermon over.

Christmas Brunch/ potluck what do you think?

2008-10-09T11:36:00.001-07:00

Okay ladies Cathy's busy brain has been thinking...LOOK OUT!

Okay I don't have my Bible study stuff with me at work but I had on the Wed. morning schedule, a Christmas brunch either the first or second week in Dec.

The Tuesday night group decided to have a potluck supper that week.

Well, I was thinking...how do you Wed. morning ladies feel about coming together as one big group on Tuesday night?

One thing to consider is that there will not be childcare for that evening, so plan accordingly.

I'm going to get some feedback Tues. night and Wed morning next week, to make a final decision, but I gotta tell you, both groups are just brimming with great and fun women, I think it would be great fun to fellowship over dinner with one another!

A beautiful poem, by a beautiful woman

2008-10-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

The following is a poem composed by a woman in The Word who would like to remain anonymous, I know you will be as blessed and moved by it as I am, in light of our study of God as Jehovah Jireh, God as the Father who gives his children everything they will ever need:

A poem from Community CRC's

"Women in the Word" Bible study

"We are learning how God provides everything we need by studying the Israelite's trek through the desert. God provided their food, water, clothing , and best of all His presence as they were wandering. As women, we can get a little hung up on life's material needs, such as what shall I wear? The covering God freely gives us is much fuller & more beautiful than anything we could think of providing for ourselves!!

What Shall I Wear?

I look into the closet that overflows,

and feel as if I have no clothes.

Nothing to wear that would reflect,

Your Glory, Your Honor and my Respect.

I come today with nothing to wear,

Naked before you, my shame I bear.

What can I offer, what can I give,

Something to show You the thanks I live?

Fool that I am, I can't find it here;

The clothes that I need are the ones You bear!

Clean, white linen* your hand proffers,

Surpassing all choices my closet offers.

I take from Your hand the garment you give,

Your Salvation, Your Righteousness, in

these clothes, I can live!

*Fine linens, bright and clean was given her to wear. Revelations 9:8"

Thank you dear sister for sharing your poem with us. We all love you!

God tests us with abundance...

2008-10-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

In our study this week we see how God gives the Israelites "bread from heaven" to test whether they will follow his commands.

From the beginning of the Bible in Genesis, I have caught myself wondering WHY God does what He does. Seriously, why put the forbidden fruit in the middle of the garden anyway?

The same with the manna, couldn't God have simply given only enough for the one day, why send more if the Israelites weren't allowed to store it?! The why question is answered in the Bible, because God was testing them, and He tests us too.

I have a friend who is very comfortable in life, financially her family is well off, and she admits that she doesn't want for much.

I have never heard her celebrating her wealth. I have never heard her say, "well, we work hard and that is how we get what we want" or "we've just figured out a way to make money and it works for us".

Nope, her very attitude shows thru in the way she talks about God, she knows that her wealth is from God, that all they have is His, and without Him all that stuff means nothing.

She often explains that when one is not struggling financially, it's hard to remember to trust in God. Things just go along smoothly in life, which is great, yet she is always aware that, their family has been given wealth by God, and that they need to trust Him for everything and not start relying on themselves, or congratulating themselves on their success.

Honestly, having grown up in a family that struggled financially at times, and finding myself a single mom at age 21 with 2 kids to feed, the thought that of having things "too good" financially was kind of a joke to me.

And just like I tend to do once in a while with Bible stories, I wonder WHY???? Why are some people given everything in life while others have nothing God, I don't get it!

A while ago my wealthy friend told me that she was having a hard time with one of her kids, I started to say, "Oh I'm so sorry to hear that!" but she cut me off. She told me she believed that God was reminding her to trust Him, that it was good for their family to rely on God thru this hard time.

Wow, what a true believer right?!

I mean, okay, after the fact sometimes we "see" the "why" of what God is doing in our lives, but right there in the middle of it, she could see that God was testing her, to trust Him with her family, with her children.

Wow, such an inspiration my friend is to me. To always know that God loves me, not just when I'm getting what I want, but also when things go wrong. To believe that God has my best interest at heart no matter the "test" at hand.

Thank you God for giving me a friend to serve as an example of a godly woman, though blessed by you in wonderful ways, she does not forget you, or take the credit for herself, and in the middle of a "test" she can see you working in her life to challenge and teach her to always rely on You. Thank you for godly friends. In your Son, Amen

God just gave it to her...

2008-10-02T14:02:00.001-07:00

After study the woman who originally suggested we sing hymnal number 32 told me that she was simply thumbing thru the Psalter trying to find a familiar one and God "gave her" Psalm 32, it popped into her head.

Thank you God for giving Psalm 32 to my sister in The Word, the words of your song have stuck in my head and ministered to my spirit. I praise you for you are AMAZING. You've got my sins covered, thru the blood of your Son, how can I ever thank you for that?

The trouble with the night session of WIW is...

2008-10-01T05:29:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep when I get home. New ideas toss and turn in my brain even after I wear out my husbands ears for an hour or so after I get home.

Earlier I had posted about our small group study last Wed. breaking into song. We sang Psalter Hymnal #32, which is from Psalm 32? Well I wanted to share with the night session our experience on Wednesday, so we gathered into the front few rows of the sanctuary and Jan Miller led us in the first 2 verses of "How Blest Is He Whose Trespass" has freely been forgiven, who's sin is wholly covered before the sight of heaven...

And then, interestingly enough....during the video, we turn to....none other than Psalm 32. The women thought I had planned it.....nope. I watched the video for the first time with the group last night, I had no idea Psalm 32 was in it, and Marjie dD who picked the hymn for us originally on Wed. morning had no way of knowing it would be in our next video either.

Wow, I no longer believe in coincidence. I think God has a great sense of humor...I picture Him thinking...here this will really freak her out!!!!

So why I couldn't sleep...In Sunday School as a kid, when we learned about the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve realized they were naked after sin, and covered themselves. I took that literally to mean naked means sin means we need to cover ourselves from nakedness...are you with me? Did you learn it the same?

So in last night's study we learned that "naked" for Adam and Eve didn't mean no clothes naked like it does for us. Adam and Eve had never seen clothes so how could they compare naked with not naked in terms of clothing. Adam and Eve felt their shame, they were naked before God as in, knowing they had sinned. They tried to cover their shame, not neccesarily their body parts.

Then God comes and he "covers" them, not just their exposed body parts, but their shame, he covers it by the first recorded animal sacrifice, which is a sign of the ultimate sacrifice of his son on the cross.

So why did that keep me up at night? Because I am so grateful to see the story differently than when I grew up. I always pictured God thinking oh you lousy adam and eve, now I have to cover you up b/c you blew it. But no, God covers our sin, it's so much bigger than I know it to be.

I need to get to church to set up the food table (grrrrr Michelle...you are killing me with this food!! ;-) but I just need to get this out...what a difference to serve a God who covers your sin, than a God who covered your nakedness. There has always been shame in being naked, in our bodies, and the covering up comes from Genesis I am sure. But Jesus bore my shame with his naked body in my place. That shame is not for me, God's got me covered.

I'm having a hard time putting it into words, I'll tell you this, I got 2 phone calls after I got home last night from women saying WOW with me. New concepts take time to sink in, but praise God today for seeing him and his character in a new light. What a JOY to serve a God who's got you covered, as opposed to serving out of guilt or trying to somehow redeem yourself....WOW

More later.

Wierd!!

2008-09-29T05:50:00.000-07:00

Anyone else out there like me...kinda missing the nightly homework part of WIW? I didn't want to start the homework too early....I'll be 40 this year, and my memory.......ugh.

I was home today...

2008-09-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

A review of the week for this Woman in the Word:

Tuesday night I met with my new sisters at 7 pm. Shock of all shocks came when nearly all 18 or so of the members of this night group had all 5 days of their homework done. Praise the Lord!

This is the 3rd year of WIW's existence, and already it is such a sweet year. Women seem very focused this year, to absorb every word of scripture, and to leave no stone un turned. The first meeting of both the day and night groups, found me struggling with the thought that our Bible study might be seen as a "gimmick" or a ploy.

God has answered that question in my heart with a resounding NO child, these women are here to seek God's presence, the excitement of the first week's Bible readings and the probing "heart" (we got flames and hearts this year Kath) questions got every last one of us thinking and sharing. So sweet.

Okay, back to Tuesday night. I love this group. First of all, they are like me...working women. The first week I asked if they wanted me to make coffee for our study time, "NO" they said, "keep it simple!" ahhhh my kind of women!

So after a day of work, with more work ahead the next day, and for many a work load still waiting for them when they get home, we arrive at church, probably tired, stressed, it's the end of a long day, I'm sure you all know that feeling. But once we start discussing, the fire ignites, and women are sharing and questioning and we are reading scripture, and it is sooooo goood.

I have inherited the Wednesday morning leader job, and at times I feel incredible pressure to deliver something great. Fortunately God knows my heart and uses all of you to remind and encourage me that this study is about God, not about Cathy.

I was most impressed on Wednesday morning with our big group prayer time. Listening to the women praise God for his character is so inspiring. My heart was so full by the time we got to our small group discussion time, I could have floated away.

As I sat with the women who were with me on the very first lesson of my very first facilitating adventure this morning, I could just feel God's love thu these women. I looked around at one point and felt like shouting out to God THANK YOU for these women. Truly for me, this is a taste of what heaven will be like. I was sad when our time together ended all too soon (yes Kath, I let them out late, and we had barely gotten to day 3...goodness!)

Another favorite moment of the morning was when a new believer in the group related how exciting it was to her when she ran across Bible verses that she knew from singing praise songs at church. That statement led to a conversation about prasie songs vs. hymns. At that point one of the women ran into the sanctuary and grabbed a psalter hymnal. She showed the new believer how the first 100 songs in the hymnal were the first 100 Psalms in the Bible. Cool stuff. She turned to one of the hymns, she read it's title and what Psalm the hymn represented and then those of us who knew that hymn from memory just sang it. Right then and there.

Father God....what a GIFT you have given us thru our precious friend Kathy Vander Tuig. WIW is a product of Kathy's hard work and determination to start a women's study. Father I thank you for my friend, and I ask you to bless her in the study she attends way across the country. May she find her sisters there, and as always we know she will grow closer to you through the time she spends in your word. For me, Father, small group discussion time is just a little taste of heaven...for those moments, I can't think of a place I'd rather be. Praise you God for your pursuit of us, for the fact that you overcome a lot of obstacles that stand in the way of our participation in studying your word. Thank you for your presence among us. Thank you for your Son who wore MY crown of thorns on the cross. Amen.

Where are you?

2008-09-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

God asked Adam and Eve this question in the garden after they had eaten the forbidden fruit and were hiding.

God knew where they were, but he was getting them to take stock of their situation...

This will be the focus of our discussion this week, so start thinking now, where are you, do you see how God has pursued you into this Bible study at this time in your life? Will you be willing to share what God is doing in your life with the group?

For the Tuesday night ladies, we are a new group, but I feel nothing but JOY for each of you, as I pray for you, I find myself saying things like "this woman is a dear friend to me already" and "this woman has so much to bring to the table!" I thank God that what I wanted; a small intimate study with a few women on Tuesday night has bloomed into a bigger group of women...I can't imagine the group without any of you!

Most everyone I spoke with during the week has talked about a struggle in their lives recently. Let's face it, you can't turn on the tv without hearing some bad news about our economy. Some women are dealing with serious issues with their children. There is dischord in some families and trouble brewing in our extended families.

Do you want to hear the good news? Just like Beth Moore talked about in the video, God has pursued you to be in this Bible study at this moment in time, he knows your needs before you do.

Praise Him that more women are calling to find out about the study. Praise Him for carving time out of our days to spend in His word. Praise Him that He knows where we are, and wants to meet us where ever that is RIGHT NOW!

See ya'll in a bit!

How's it going?

2008-09-19T05:13:00.000-07:00

I just started day 3 on my homework...not to guilt those of you who haven't started yet or anything LOL!

Oh how I have missed digging thru the Bible and saying ahhhhhh. On day one the connection between thorny plants coming in the perfect garden of Eden at the moments of the first sin, and then the crown of thorns placed on Jesus' head as he was sacrificed for ugly sin, and the sacrifice of an innocent animal to cover Adam and Eve with skin once they realized they were naked, as related to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus for our sins... that stuff takes my breath away.

Did you guys love that word picture...the angels holding their breath after Jesus asked that the crown of thorns be removed, and God told him no. The pain of that moment...

I pray it is as inspiring for you as it has been for me already.

Can't wait for Tues/Wed to hear what God is showing each of you thru the study.

Keep doing your homework ladies!

Today is the big day!

2008-09-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

Well it's finally here, tonight we start WIW! How exciting!

My only prayer for this group and this study is that it is more than acquiring more head knowledge, that God be present in our group, and change our hearts into who He would have us become.

A funny thing happened...a friend reminded me of the book Fresh Wind Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala. I had read it before, but decided to read it again, so I put it on my to-do list I'll admit, it was pretty low on the list.

Sunday I led an adult sunday school class that met right next to the library, so I ran in and Marilyn pointed me right to the book. I brought it home and set it on my desk. Mind you, we just moved, and so there is a lot of stuff I need to deal with on and in that desk. I wondered if I'd even get it started before it's due date 2 weeks from now.

Then, a funny thing happened. Monday morning I woke up sick. I'm talking lay on the couch sick. The kids had the day off from school and my sweet daughter Ashley woke up, and offered to go into work for me so I could "chill". Awesome. While laying on the couch feeling pretty sorry for myself, b/c I really don't have time for illness right now...I spotted the book on my desk, and layed there on that couch, and read that whole book in one day (it's not a long one).

The book is Jim Cymbala's story as the preacher at The Brooklyn Tabernacle. It is a fascinating story of how God works in that urban setting.

It would take this entire page to explain what I am got out of the book and his story, but I will just say I woke up this morning feeling better (Thank you God!) and at the same time, I had a pit in my stomach. I was thinking...I just don't want this to be another old Bible study where we sit around and gain more knowledge in our brains. I kept thinking, what can I DO to make it more than that.

Then I read an email from my buddy Kathy Vander Tuig, and it said, "If you invite God to be among you, there's no telling what he might do!! I'm BELIEVING HIM for that!" Isn't that all we can do, is invite God to be there, ask Him to change what needs changing?!

Father in Heaven you have already been working in hearts to get us signed up for WIW Bible study. You have called each member to come for your reasons. Now we cry out to you, for your presence. We know that only you can soften the hearts that need it, only you can break down barriers that need to be broken, only you can change in us what needs to be changed. We are believing you right now for that. You are so big, you are so great and so amazing, and we are so excited to watch you work in our lives! We love you.

Do you miss these guys as much as I do?!

2008-09-09T13:51:00.001-07:00

How do I discern...

2008-09-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

This was the question asked of me today during a phone call with a friend. She called because she remembered hearing, during our "Loving Well" session of WIW last year, that sometimes God is using a "testy" person in your life to change something with you. (I'm cracking up just remembering the "testy" description!)

Her question was, how do you discern if that is the case, that something in you needs changing, especially when testy is someone who lives with you, and you are called to love them. At some point can she stop looking inward? Does she need to simply accept that testy is testy and that is how it's going to be?

hmmmm.

I'm thinking that, in all situations it would be wiser for us to look at ourselves first instead of blaming or finger pointing. But it is a good question! I think my friend's conclusion was that she would look to God for love and the support she needs when she wasn't getting it from her testy. Smart woman.

Two seconds after I hung up I wished that I had said to her PRAY FOR IT PRAY FOR IT PRAY FOR IT pray over the situation and never give up hope.

What would you all have said? Don't be shy here...I want to hear what all my sisters in the Word have said, and be free flowing with scripture support please!

Father in heaven we know that you use everything in our lives for your glory. We know that you are in control, and your plan is The One and Only Plan, even when we can't see the why of everything that is going on in our lives. You know the hurt that comes with feeling rejected and unloved, I ask you Father to soften the heart of the "testy" in my friend's life, and fill her heart with the love and acceptance that she needs when she needs it.

Praise Him!

2008-09-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

There are almost 50 names on the list for the 2 sessions of WIW bible study this fall, and some of the people who've talked to me aren't even on the list yet! Praise God that so many women are seeking Him thru this study.

I am so anxious to get started, I gave us a 2 week buffer after the kick start of all the other fall programs, as I know many of the study attendees are GEMS leaders and Faith Walker's teachers etc. I thought we'd give them a chance to settle into their usual routines, but now I'm just itching to get at it!

I have to share with you guys. Even during the first year Kathy started WIW Bible study, I could see a need for a night session, but there was no way I would venture out and be in charge of a night session.

Then last year, the results of our study Believing God....well, it changed some of our lives didn't it?! I know it changed mine. I will never stop beingn amazed at the way God can change MY HEART. I often hear myself saying things before I even think, that surprise me. If a friend is facing a difficult challenge, instead of venting with them, or looking for a place to lay blame over it, I'll find myself pulling something from believing God. Maybe it will be that God is trying to change something in you, or that God uses everything in our lives for a purpose, and we won't neccessarily see what that purpose was on this side of the grave, but having faith means we believe Him anyway.

This study is not about knowledge it is about relationship, and I think that is why so many women are signed up. Women I talk to are worn out of trying to be superwoman, we long to find peace and rest in God. As I look over the list of names for each study, I am giddy with the dynamics of the groups. There are 60+ year old names, and 20 somethings, and a bunch of us in between. Oh how we will share experiences, and the excitement of the new believers rubs off on the lifetimers....I'm so excited!

Okay, so back to what I wanted to share, I prayed about an evening session of WIW. My prayer was for a nice small study. I thought maybe 6 women would sign up. I know there are lots of women who work and can't come to the day session, but still, I was praying for a small intimate group, and so far the sign up sheet has more names on the night list than on the day. It's tempting to panic, but I refuse. God is giving me a spirit of enthusiasm for this study, and giving me the confidence to say, I am not afraid. I will rest in Him, He will provide whatever we need.

So I'm not getting what I wanted, but I've finally learned that God knows better than I do what is good for me, and for us. Praise Him for increasing our numbers, and may He continue to bless this study as we grow in relationship with Him.

Moving update

2008-09-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

Since I posted my moving woes earlier, I thought you deserved an update.

We have spent the last weeks going thru 9 years worth of stuff we never use. We make 3 piles: garbage, donate, and save it. Fortunately darling husband and I are on the same page...if we haven't touched it in the last two years... pitch it.

Ted started a big ole bonfire I'm talking flames 20 foot high in the air. I must admit, I'm not much of a saver so seeing half broken, wore out, good for nothing junk burn away to ashes was kinda fun.

We will be moving the weekend before Bible study starts. We are downsizing, so now is truly the time to weed out the "stuff" we just don't need.

The new "hood" is right in the town of DeMotte, and a young pastor and his wife live on the other side. I am looking forward to meeting them! Completely unlike the farm house we live in currently, the new place is newly remodeled. New carpet, tile, paint, trim, doors, bathroom fixtures, furnace, a/c, hot water heater, water softner, kitchen cabinets and appliances....I'm talking NEW people new everything. What will Ted do with his time when he doesn't have to fix leaky sinks, old electric and ancient plumbing?!

I will miss this big ole farm, but I will not miss mowing the grass. I will miss the hardwood floors, but I will not miss the dust bunnies in every corner. I will miss the 4 inch trim around every window and door frame, but I will not miss spending the whole day cleaning them with murphy's oil soap.

It will be a fresh start and the downsizing is all part of Ted's master plan. He has always joked that as soon as all the kids moved out we would live in a studio apartment and drive a 2 seater car. Poor guy went straight from being a bachelor to having a family of five. Straight from a world of boating, motorcycle riding and driving one of those big trucks with big tires, to attending school plays and reading bedtime stories, hey in my defense at least he never had to drive a mini van! And he never missed a beat, he slid into the daddy role in the blink of an eye.

Ted and I met, and literally, I fell in love with him that very moment. So the first night we met we had this deep conversation going, and I just blurted it out, "You probably don't want to keep being nice to me, because I already have 2 kids." He laughed out loud. He said, "If they are anything like you, I can't wait to meet them too." Awwww! We were engaged 12 days later, that was 15 1/2 years ago.

So, I guess he's right, we'll probably actually enjoy the empty nest. I see already with my college daughter Carmen that once they hit that certain age, cutting the apron strings is not only good but neccesarry for them to become independant adults, which really is the goal of parenting them well, right?

So I guess I've stalled going thru more basement clutter long enough. Once I figure out what my new address is I'll let you know and I expect some visits! No one visits me now b/c my house is hidden by a corn field 4 months out of the year, but now there will be no excuse!

Dress codes

2008-08-29T05:33:00.000-07:00

My kids attend Kankakee Valley High School. Last year a new assistant principal was hired, and the word on the street was that she was working on revising the dress code.

Big deal.

I can't count how many conversations I've endured about the upcoming crack down on dress code issues in SmartyPants. And NOPE...not from the kids themselves, it's the parents who are all bent out of shape. I'm so confused.

Parents are up in arms, and what I've concluded, after hearing a lot of talk on the issue, is that parents don't want ANYONE TELLING THEIR KID WHAT TO WEAR!! Why not?

On Fox news show this morning, they showed an email from "Eva" whose daughter is a cheerleader at KV High School. Eva is upset because her daughter was told she must wear pants under her cheerleading skirt to school today, b/c the skirt is too short, and doesn't fit in the dress code guidelines. Mom's last comment was something like: are you going to take away their freedom next?!

I am concerned. What example are we setting for our kids when we as parents go to battle over something as dumb as a dress code with the administration of our schools?

Living under some kind of authority is what we all have to do in life. The sooner a kid learns how to do that effectively, the easier their adult life will be. There IS a chain of command in every part of life, there are rules of the road, laws we need to obey, bosses we must show respect for, the whole rest of our lives we will be living under some type of authority.

At home, my daughter vents about school dress codes and rules, and I understand that mentality from an 18 year old. My daughter has choices, she can wear clothing that is deemed inappropriate by the controling body of the high school she attends, but then she will have to deal with the consequences of her actions as well. She can also choose not to be told what to wear, by becoming a high school drop out, get a job at mc donalds, live on minimum wage, drive a junker car, and struggle the rest of her life too. It's her choice. Enforcing a dress code isn't stripping the kids of their freedom. Kids have plenty of choices they can make, and there are plenty of repercussions for the choices they make.....isn't that always going to be a part of life?

I am so thankful for a few things, first of all, my husband and I were brought up in homes where, the rules were the rules, and yep my parents used, "because I said so"! That didn't stop me from being rebellious at times, and breaking the rules, but as a child, I learned that my parents had authority over me, and so did my teachers at school, and basically anyone considered an "elder" to me. Heaven forbid I was running around at church and a grown up told me to slow down. I was worried for a week that they would tell my folks, and I would get in trouble, they were my authority, and I was taught to respect that.

My husband's home was the same way, and he also spent some years in the US Air Force where chain of command is HUGE. The military teaches you to submit to authority, and you learn it whether you want to or not. Ted uses that in parenting, I've often heard him tell our kids over the years, "that wasn't a question" when they started to protest after being told to do something.

I know that the biggest part of learning to live under authority comes from being raised by believers. We were taught early on about the ten commandments, and what that meant. Even when we didn't understand why, we were taught that The Bible was the last word. God was the boss, if it says so in his word, nothing else really mattered, especially not our own desires.

I'm sad that so many parents (and some from believing homes too) are teaching their kids by example that we don't live under anyone's authority. Parents are "fixing" everything in their kid's lives. I can't imagine becoming a teacher in these times where parents are coming out swinging everytime their child doesn't get what they want.

How does that prepare kids for the "real world" where they will have a boss someday who will probably be telling them what to do on a daily basis?

Well, I've digressed off the dress code issue, but I really think this is a snapshot of a disturbing bigger picture.

Thank you Father, for providing me with parents and elders who taught me how to live under your authority.

"Lord open my mind that I might have understanding."

2008-08-24T05:43:00.001-07:00

I just watched the introduction video for "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place" this morning. The first time I watched it the house was alive and distracting, I woke up at 5 and couldn't get back to sleep, a quiet house, with no chance of anyone bothering me for at least 2 hours, the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with God.

In the viewer guide it says,

"May these words become our constant plea throughout the next 10 weeks: Lord, open my mind that I might have understanding."

The study is described as a puzzle, where we will find the pieces by reading all over the scriptures, to get the full picture and we will discover that the picture is Jesus. I didn't catch the origin of the quote, but it is that when we see Jesus, we will either hide our faces, or shamlessly adore Him.

I am so excited for this study, to learn how to put all the pieces together and to worship in the presence of God.

This study appears to have A LOT of homework. It is backwards from the studies we've done previously. We watch an introductory video on week one, followed by 5 days of homework, we then watch the video that wraps up the 5 days of homework.

Begin to pray that God will free up the time you need to complete the work. In the introductory session we will learn that God has pursued each of us to join this particular Bible study. He has a purpose for this study at this moment in our lives, and He will give us what we need to see what He is showing us, so let's start asking Him for that.

"Lord, open our minds that we might have understanding."

The second generation

2008-08-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

This has absolutely nothing to do with WIW so feel free to tune out.

On Sunday we went as a family to the beach. It's something we all love to do, and it has been a rare moment this summer for all of us to be in the same place, at the same time. The weather; 85 degrees and sunny with no humidity and not a cloud in the sky...what a beautiful day!

We had heard that the beach by Beverly Shores (East of Chesterton) was nice, so we decided to try it out. We found the public access, but the parking lot said "parking by permit only" so Ted dropped us, and all our gear off at the public access, and parked about 1 1/2 miles away in a public lot and walked down the beach to find us.

The beach was fantastic, not too many people, no lifeguards, therefore no constant whistle blowing, and a nice clean bathroom. woo hoo.

We arrived early and there weren't many people for a while. Around noon, an older gentleman came and set up his gear next to us. He was friendly, asking us where we were from, and where Ted worked etc. He is a developer in Chicago, but owns (I bet one of the big ones) a house in Beverly Shores, so they spend the weekends in summertime on the beach. He continued to start several conversations with us, and even got my normally quiet husband to chat with him about different projects and locations downtown. We enjoyed his company, and he seemed to enjoy ours.

As new people arrived to the beach, he greeted folks with a wave, and started conversations with various people, and even introduced us to some other Beverly Shores dwellers. He is a nice guy all the way around.

Later in the afternoon, his children joined him on the beach. Within moments of this group's arrival on the beach, the tone of the entire day changed. Dad remained his friendly self, but the kids (probably in their 40s) were different.

The girls of the group, 3 women, most likely daghters and daughters-in-law, spent the afternoon making mean comments about everyone who passed by on the beach. "Look at that guy's orange shorts!" cackle cackle cackle "Nice outfit for the beach!" "Did you see her bathing suit?" smirk smirk smirk.

YUCK!! I wanted to move so I didn't have to listen to them, but the dad continued to chat with us, it was so awkward.

At one point, after multiple comment were made about a girl's choice of bathing suit, my always sweet, never one for confrontation, daughter Ashley said, loud enough to be heard, "Is there like some unwritten dress code for this beach or what?!" (okay that particular girl was wearing a bikini that looked like it was made out of a tissue, but still, to each her own, right?)

Have you ever watched a guy work his fingers to the bone, 100 hour work weeks, sacrificing everything to build a little empire for his family, only to hand it down to the children, for them to run straight into the ground. If I were a betting girl, I'd put my money on it that's what will happen to our beach friend some day.

Here's a regular Joe, friendly, obviously a stellar salesman, he's got the gift of gab, and takes a real interest into what a person is saying. Good with names, and obviously, as evidenced by the large home on Beverly Shores in which his famliy spends the weekends in the summer, he's good at what he does. He works, and uses his gifts and talents to get a good thing going, but his kids sure don't seem to be following in his footsteps.

They roll their eyes as the "old man" of the family makes conversation with us lowly folk. They look down their nose and critisize strangers for how they are dressed. They jump back into their BMW SUVs and head back for the suburbs where they probably act the same way.

All the while, it's dad's house they spend the weekend in. It's his hardwork and blood, sweat and tears that bought that house, clearly they don't appreciate him.

So...I was thinking...it's the same with me sometimes. God sacrifices his SON for me, and I take it so for granted. Who am I to get cranky when things don't go my way? Hasn't he done enough for me to be satisfied? I didn't even have to work for it, he handed me grace and a life everlasting, and what do I do?? Complain, critisize, whine if things don't go my way, get crabby, act like an infant.

On the beach I thought to myself, "I would NEVER act that way" but I do it too. I forget to be grateful, I'm not always humble, I don't appreciate what God has done for me. I am those ungrateful kids who don't remember that their dad worked his fingers to the bone to give them a nice life.

In the midst of moving, bringing kids to college, working, and all the rest, I will remember to be grateful to the one who gives me life. Thanks for the reminder! to our new friends from the beach.

updates

2008-08-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've finally faced the truth, summer is almost over. So, I've made some decisions and started to figure out a schedule for WIW.

We will have an evening session of WIW! Tuesday is the best night for the majority, I apologize that it doesn't work out for everyone. Tuesday September 16 from 7-8:30 PM will be our first meeting, and we will jump right in and watch a video. Child care will not be offered at the evening session, and to keep it simple, I ask that you bring your own coffee etc to drink. We will be meeting in the lobby by the library.

Wednesday morning session will begin September 17, 9:00-10:30 AM upstairs in the fellowship hall. We will also jump right in and watch a video the first week, so you won't want to miss it! I have decided to skip the brunch before Bible study, although it was very enjoyable, I'm sure I'm not the only one with a busy schedule, and this will take some of the pressure off of us. Coffee and tea will be provided. We will still have brunch on special occassions, so if you loved preparing food for your friends, you'll still get the chance!

So that is it for now, as I said, I'm working on a schedule, but will have one ready for when we meet in September.

Pray that God will bring women who need this study to the group, and also that He will guide all the decisions we make. Thanks!

Faith

2008-08-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

After the message this morning in church about plain old faith vs saving faith, I am tempted to question my faith. When Pastor used phrases like "having a fire for knowing Christ", I got to thinking....wow I don't really feel on fire right now. And when he talked about good trees bearing good fruit, hmmmm have I born any fruit at all lately?

For me, I guess, it will always be a battle. There are times when God is so fresh and new and huge in my life, that yes, I would say I have a fire for knowing Christ, but then there are those times where the fire doesn't go out, but it's not exactly burning, ya know?

In my case I blame it on "the world". I'm embarrased to admit this, but I recieve and send over 200 text messages nearly every day....I know, ridiculous! On top of that my cell phone rings probably 25 times a day, don't get me started on the phone at the store, and the fact that everyone wants my attention there. I probably check my email 20 times a day, and respond to at least 10 emails per day. I am out of control. Someone or something is pulling at me every waking moment. And then I wonder why my relationship with God seems a little dimmer at certain times....uhh.....hello?!

When I would stop in at Pastor Bryan's office I was often a little jealous that he would be sitting at his desk reading his Bible. I was thinking.....dude, you get paid for this?! Now I know Bryan did a million other things and I"m sure he felt the same pull on certain days that we all do. He once told me that Tuesday was his favorite day b/c he was the only one in the office and he spent a lot of God time on Tuesdays, and didn't it show in his life and in his preaching? That he made his relationship with God a priority? I so admire that.

I said early I am tempted to question my faith. You see I love to think that my faith is all about me. I start a little pep talk in my head, come on Cath...HAVE MORE FAITH!!! I start to think I'm not good enough because my fire is dim.

So today I came home, and Ted and I started discussing the sermon and the Bible passage, and God, and there it was that fire. It wasn't gone, it was right there. And we discussed the way God has worked and continues to work in our lives. And in the end my husband said that what it always boils down to for him is "less of me, more of you God".

So I shut off my phone (yep I really did it, it was hard too, what if someone needs me?!) and I dusted off my Bible, and now I decided to blog because I'm not done thinking and talking about God yet. And it feels great, and it's what I want to do.

So I start my mission of making my God time a #1 priority. I'm always praying to God, you guys know I talk a lot and I think 100 times faster than I talk, and all day long we have little conversations in my head, so I do feel close to God, but I need his Word in my life. I need to study his character, and read His stories to feel on fire.

So let's start the fire, shall we? We have women signed up for the night session of WIW, so now you will have the option of Wednesday morning or a night. The church is being used by the Hispanic church on Tuesday nights, we could still probably find a spot in the church, or maybe I could twist someone's arm who has a home big enough to host the group. I'll be calling everyone on that list this week to find out if Tuesday is the best night, Monday might also be an option.

Please be in prayer for the childcare aspect of this ministry. I might have a volunteer to coordinate that, but finding volunteers was often a challenge for Kathy. Pray that God sends just the right person our way to take charge and do a great job.

Thank you for all your support. I picked up the materials today and couldn't even wait, I opened the book in the car and started reading! At the same time, I'm a wee bit nervous. I just told you about my crazy life, and now I add more responsibility. When you guys make nice comments about this blog, or offer help and encourage me, it makes all the difference. Thank you so much!

So, are you guys in??

2008-08-08T10:09:00.001-07:00

My friend and mentor Kate Holmes from Florida recently took the "52 item challenge"

Check it out:

http://howtoconsign.com/journal52things.htm

I double dare you to take the challenge yourself and let us know how it went.

I keep thinking I need to do it, but I'm quite sure it will be more like 520 items that, if they disappeared I would never even miss. It's shameful really, how I always think I need more "stuff" when clearly I don't.

Well be sure to post up if you are brave enough to take the challenge and de clutter your life!

Kathy chimed in...

2008-08-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

Under the woo hoo post! Good to hear from you Kathy, and I'll be calling you soon for advice I'm sure! Love ya!

Pray for the mom too...

2008-08-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

In my crankiness it didn't dawn on me to pray that God would heal the mom from whatever makes her so unhappy. Obviously something went wrong in her life to make her bitter, but God can change any heart, no matter how damaged. I promise to be nice to her if she comes back into my shop, I probably blew it today with my bad attitude...Lord, give me the strength, and another chance to love even the unlovable...

And we wonder why...

2008-08-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

So today I'm enjoying the company of three girls in SmartyPants...they are teens and tweens. We're chatting and laughing, they are picking out back to school clothes, and asking my opinion. A lovely time is being had by all, and I think wow these are really nice girls!

Mom enters, and the mood changes. She snaps at them saying things like (I'm not making this up!) "that is never going to fit over your big butt" "you are going to look like a cow in that" " I ain't letting you dress like no slut" on and on and on and on with the cut downs.

You can cut the tension in the room with a knife, the girls all stiffen up and their smiles are gone. One girl just stops talking, stops looking at clothes and sits on the couch with her shoulders slouched. She gets yelled at for not shopping, yet everything she touches mom critques, vetos, complains or ridicules her over.

The most out-going of the three starts acting like a 2 year old...no kidding...she starts to fake cry when the mom tells her things don't fit or look good on her. She stomps her foot hands on hips, raises her voice.

Mom looks to me for sympathy. I hope what I'm thinking is not showing on my face, but I'd guess it was. "These da*# kids" she says. I bite my lip so that I don't tell her that they were fine before she walked in.

And then we wonder why girls suffer from eating disorders, and why so many teens consider suicide. We shake our heads in dismay at the way kids treat eachother with name-calling and bullying.

I can't control the mom's actions, and I know that everyone has a bad day. But, in my store it's a rule, always has been, that we must not talk badly about ourselves. When a kid starts to say that she hates her legs, or she's too short, or that she looks terrible in this or that, I've always chimed in that we shouldn't be mean to ourselves. (That's something I'm very comfortable with, beating myself up, so I know how it feels)

After today, I am on a mission to be extra nice to kids. I see tons of them every week, and I never know what is going on in their lives, mine might be the only smile they see.

So I challenge anyone reading this today to find a kid and just smile at them, say hi, say something positive, like good job or I like your hair.

Father in heaven, use us to love those kids who get no loving at home. Protect them from evil, hold them in your loving arms.

woo hoo!

2008-07-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

Ted got a new job! Thank you Lord. Just thought I'd share.

there are days...

2008-07-28T17:42:00.000-07:00

Today I am so thankful that I know God.

Last year I met a young girl 19 years old at SmartyPants, sweet girl, 9 months pregnant. She was looking for something stretchy ;-) to wear.

After she had her baby girl, she needed bigger jeans, couldn't quite squeeze into size 0 anymore. She's been a regular shopper ever since, and although it seems a little odd as I have a daughter her age, we have become friends, in that she visits the store often, and we chat about everything under the sun.

When her little girl was about 3 months old, she announced one day that she was pregnant again. Yowzer I thought, so young and two babies? My how the mind forgets...that was me 18 years ago, I turned 21 a little over a month before my 2nd daughter Ashley was born.

Again, I helped her find stretchy tops, and she showed me ultrasound pictures. One day a cute 17 year old girl rushed thru the doors at SmartyPants to give me a message from my friend, she'd given birth to a baby boy, but his lungs weren't right. The family was on the way to the hospital and her sister had called her to come and tell me to pray for the baby.

Interesting, since never one time in over a year did I ever mention God. Regardless, I started to pray. At first just that God would be with the baby, oh and the young parents, guide the surgeons Lord, again please God comfort my young friend. But then here came the questions taking over my mind...so, God I know that you control everything, so seriously is this neccesarry? You give 2 young unwed parents not one human being to care for, but 2? and now a sick baby? WHY??

I know why, because it is part of His plan. Period. End of story.

Well, the young parents struggled for two months, feeling horrible guilt when either leaving their one year old with various family members or leaving their frail sick baby boy at the hospital alone. The one time I did see the young mom, her eyes were almost swollen shut, her face was puffy, she was as pale as a ghost, we were at a loss for words, I just gave her a hug, and she left the shop crying.

God had yet more hardship planned for this young couple, as the baby boy passed away last week. Too many complications, the child would never recover, they lost hope, upon the advice of the doctors the plug was pulled.

Even as I type these words, my heart is shattered for my young friend.

How will this one end? I don't know. How will my friend cope? Will their be guilt? Will the strain ruin her relationship with her boyfriend, and leave her a young single mom? How will she deal, how will she heal?

And seriously, why would she have thought of me when her baby was near death? Why me? I'm the chick at the shop, we talk about music, and clothes and hair and babies, and the beach...I'm no one to her. I care about her, because she reminds me of me, but I never told her that, we just shoot the breeze once in a while.

How will God use me in this? I don't know. I've never found being overly pushy on the God subject to be very effective when dealing with non believers. You know the song..."They will know we are Christians by our love" that is my usual approach, I just try and love people.

Today, I am so thankful that I KNOW God well enough to know that a baby's short life and death wasn't for nothing. It is part of His plan, and for His glory, that is all I need to know. And as for my young friend, I will just keep loving her the only way I know how, by talking about hair and clothes and the beach, and I believe that the Spirit will give me the right words if/when I need them.

And now presenting...

2008-07-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

The Eenigenburg family minus the little miracle baby boy

all faith night at the railcats...

2008-07-18T12:49:00.001-07:00

I forgot to mention this...last Friday night was all faith night at the Railcats game. It was a long night, but fun. Anyway, the national anthem was sung by 3 little girls, twins and an older sister, and their dad. The announcer said the last name, and when I saw them on the screen I kept thinking OH HOW CUTE is that!!! The quartet did a fantastic job...I'm not kidding you, it was top notch, and the announcer said the name one last time thanking them for singing: "Jeff IIinegburg and his 3 daughters" hhmmmm and then I saw Patty EENIGENBURG from First CRC who joins us on Wednesday mornings (remember the one who was having contractions during our wrap up last year?!) for WIW on the field taking photos. OHHHHH it was Patty's husband and her three daughters singing the national anthem.

Way to go hubby and girls, it was really wonderful! If anyone got a picture of them, send it to me, and I'll post it here. cevans@netnitco.net.

I just talked to Kathy!!

2008-07-18T09:53:00.001-07:00

I am overwhelmed by mixed emotions right now. It was soooo good to talk to my friend, yet I'm sitting here in front of my computer with a lump in my throat.

The Vander Tuig's have arrived safely in California, and Kathy was busy setting up her kitchen while we chatted.

Turns out Kathy had heard about the blog already en route to her new home. Her computer is not hooked up yet, but I told her she'd better comment on it soon!

I admit that I have not had time to read more about the tabernacle. Gayle DeVries had an interesting blog entry last week. She is on vacation, but when she gets back, maybe she will post it here, and we can discuss what she wrote if she doesn't mind. Along those same lines, I realize that it is not so much the studies themselves that are important, it's the way the study causes me to think about and trust God...it is my heart that needs to change, not that more learning needs to enter my brain.

Take our study last year, Believing God, the way God used His Word, the study, shared experiences of others, and just changed my heart is amazing stuff. I wonder if this happens to you sometimes too, my own reaction to things often surprises me.

Here's an example. Last week, on the 15 year anniversary of my marriage to my husband, he unexpectedly stopped in while I worked. Awwww, I thought how cute, he stopped in to say hello. Nope. He had a funny look on his face. He had just talked to the owners of the rented house we live in, and they told him that one of their relatives wanted to rent the house. UGH. I hate moving...and to where...and how are we gonna...and...and...and....I felt my blood pressure rise, and I was down right annoyed that, on our anniversary, this was being dumped on me. I wanted to cry. I was a little snippy with my husband, I said fine we'll talk about it when I get home, and he left with his shoulders a little slumped feeling the sting of my reaction and knowing that his timing stunk. Oh, and did I mention that my husband's job stinks and he's in the process of finding a new one...ugh ugh ugh and ugh!

Well, I felt tears welling up...every failure of life weighed down on me as I thought things like, if I hadn't gotten pregnant before I was married, and had 2 kids when I met Ted, and then another 1 year later, and, if we hadn't started out with a family of 5, and if I'd stayed working at the bank instead of staying home with my kids, and if we'd bought a house by now, none of this would be happening, and we'd be out enjoying a nice anniversary dinner, but NO here we are...

I felt sorry for myself a few more minutes and then I didn't even have to ask for it, The Spirit got control of me somehow, thru all my self loathing and pity, and there it was a fresh feeling, brand new, completely opposite...amazing. Well, I can't change the past, I have a roof over my head tonight, I'm sure we'll figure something out b/c we always do, I'm going home to my husband, who loves me, even when I'm snotty, God sent him to me, God provides for me, He'll help us work this out, He loves me, He has forgiven the past, He accepts me as is, that is enough for me.

Peace and calm flow through my heart as I text my husband, because I know him enough to know that he is re-living every one of his failures just like I was... "When are we going to start trusting God to take care of us?" He texts back "now". We are okay.

I stopped at Hallmark on the way home from work and read every card in the anniversary section, none of them said the right thing. So, I opted for a dairy queen cake instead, Ted LOVES ice cream, they wrote I love you on it for me. I presented it to my darling husband when I got home and he smiled the warmest smile I've seen in a while.

God will give us what we need when we need it. I believe that with all my heart. Praise Him.

The Tabernacle

2008-07-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

I've managed to read only a few of the Bible verses containing tabernacle references, and already I can not wait for the study this fall!

Each day in the morning and the evening the High Priests were commanded to burn incense on the golden alter. They left the incense burning all day as a pleasing aroma to the Lord. The incense was considered holy and made up of special spices, that were expensive. The incense was also a symbol of prayers wafting up to heaven on behalf of the people.

In Psalm 141:2 David says, "May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice."

I want my prayers waft up to heaven like a pleasing aroma...how about you?

Anyone else reading about the tabernacle? Would you be willing to share what you are learning, or what you've learned in the past about the tabernacle?

It would be awesome if this could be an interactive blog, feel free to post comments and questions, insights and thoughts. Not just in response to the tabernacle study but also tell us; how has "Believing God" impacted you? Do you think back to the study when trouble comes your way? Have you had any "I'M BELIEVING GOD" moments? Share if you'd like!

Well, I have a quiet house tonight, so I'm going to read some more, hope you are getting the opportunity to spend some time with God too. Summer is very busy at our house, and without a study to keep me on track, I've felt disconnected from God lately. For me, this blog, and knowing I should post something on it, is a nudge to crack open the Bible and get back on track. I am so thankful for that nudge.

The volunteers are pouring in...

2008-07-10T05:46:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone for emails and notes of encouragement, and offers to help!

Can I please ask you all to be in prayer for the right person/people to head up the childcare for WIW. Kathy managed all the child care issues the last couple of years, calling volunteers etc. Unfortunately, I work, and adding those phone calls etc to my day is not an option.

What we need:

A person, or a team of 2-4 people to find volunteers and make a schedule for child care helpers. Reminder phone calls were previously done on Monday. Also, it is nice if the bigger kids can have some type of Bible story video, or activity to do for part of the time. This person can still attend the study, they would just be in charge of getting to the nursery and making sure all the volunteers showed up etc. In my opinion a nice team of 4 women means your duty is only 1x per month, I am praying for that scenario, but if someone desires to handle it on their own, that would be great as well.

We are also in need of a person to make coffee. Last year I was the coffee maker, this year I will be setting up video equipment etc instead. Depending on how much good coffee means to you in the morning, you might want to be in prayer for that too.

Looking to next year, it has always been my passion to offer a night session of WIW Bible study. I will put out a sign up sheet at church soon to see if there is enough interest. I would facilitate that study. I'm really excited. I'm hoping to secure Tuesday nights, and stay on exactly the same schedule as the morning group, that way if you can't make a Wednesday morning, you can participate on Tuesday night.

I am still planning to facilitate a group in the morning also, which is why I am trying to pawn all the work onto everyone else. ;-)

I hope you are as excited as I am to begin the study. In the intro for "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place it says, "Discover the parallels of the Tabernacle's building and your life as a chosen vessel of God". I plan to get out my study Bible tonight and find all the passages with the word tabernacle in them. If any of you do the same, please share what you are learning about the tabernacle, if anything strikes you as interesting or new information... let us know what the Spirit is showing you.

Hi Ladies!

2008-07-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

Just a little introduction regarding this blog. As all of you know, my dear friend Kathy Vander Tuig is on her way to California and so I begin the solo journey as WIW leader. I am blessed to have amazing women volunteering to help me, thank you so much!

First a little background on "my story" and who Kathy Vander Tuig is to me...it's time for you all to know. I grew up in a wonderful, loving CRC home. We were faithful church attenders and I loved God. I often sang in churches, and my sister used to say she could picture me being the next Amy Grant.

I will not go into details of the twists and turns my life took after I graduated from high school, got pregnant, then married, had another child, and ended up divorced, but I can tell you that all of those events left me bitter and sad, feeling worthless and far from a relationship with God.

I met and married my awesome husband Ted in 1993, and we had another child together bringing our family to 5. For more than 10 years, we bounced from church to church. Deep down I felt drawn to "church", but we never stayed at any one very long, and our lifestyle wasn't what it should have been if we were walking closely with God. Ted called it "flying under the radar". We felt obligated to go, but were unwilling serve, and get totally involved in church.

So, are you wondering what in the world I am doing leading a Bible study yet?!

God was working in our hearts all along, our kids loved youth group, VBS, Sunday School etc, and deep down Ted and I knew we were in the wrong.

We had been bouncing in and out of Community Church for some time, when one morning, there in the front of church, stood KATHY VER BEEK (Vander Tuig). Kathy had been a classmate of mine at Illiana, and I'd bet I hadn't seen her since graduation day. Kathy was the life and soul of our class. I don't know how best to describe her, but you know how she is...fun, lively, laughing, and SMART.

I was not one to walk to the front of church, but the day the Vander Tuig family was introduced, I told my family we were going to say Hi! They thought I'd lost my mind, but they came with me anyway. Clearly the Spirit was working in my heart and God had plans to unite Kathy and I in a friendship that would change the course of my entire life.

Soon after, Kathy called and invited us to small group. I had planned to make an excuse not to, but Ted said we needed to go, and we did.

Thru the last 2 years, wounds in my life were healed miraculously by God's mercy on me. Kathy and Bryan were our first friends EVER to talk openly with us about God. They started to see God working in us, and helped us to see that God loved us in spite of our serious wandering off the path of life.

Kathy asked me to facilitate a Bible study, and I said yes. She didn't know at the time, but this event changed me forever. Kathy believed in me, and in doing so, she helped me to believe in myself again.

Last night we stopped over to say goodbye to the Vander Tuigs. Oh how I will miss my buddy Kathy, and I thank God for her...well, again, I'm at a loss for words...and that doesn't happen often.

So, I go it alone for WIW, here is the good news: I have seen first hand what my life looks like without God leading me. Although today, I am sad and a little nervous about jumping into women's ministry leadership without my faithful, smart, organized, and dear friend, I know that God will provide me with all that I need to make this year great.

Excitement is already building for study in the fall.

Thank you to Gayle DeVries for helping me decide on a study:

A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place By: Beth Moore
Discover the parallels of the Tabernacle's building and your life as a chosen vessel of God. Taped in Beth Moore's home church in Houston, this updated edition of A Woman's Heart reflects not only the original study, but all that God has done in Beth's life in the past decade. Regardless of whether you studied Beth Moore's first study with LifeWay years ago - or are experiencing it for the first time - you'll find this study well worth the journey.

Check out the introduction and video clips at:
http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=1415834970

Please feel free to comment on this blog, I will be updating frequently to keep you involved in the group even when we aren't meeting.

Soon, I will be posting ways that you can help for next year. Be in prayer to see if God is leading you to volunteer in this ministry.

~*~Women in The Word~*~